- 6 years ago
Hello Ladies! I need some advice about my current relationship, but this story is long, so thank you in advance for reading it all! 🙂
I’m 28, and so is my Boyfriend or Best Friend. We have been dating for almost 2 years. We have known each other for 10 years, and he has always been someone who I loved. He has only had 1 other girlfriend, and we actually never dated years ago because he was afraid to ask me until I had started dating someone else. Anyways, after years of living hours away, he came to visit me and I asked him if he wanted to try and make things work. He said yes, and asked me to move in with him within weeks. Knowing that he was my dream guy, I threw caution to the wind and dropped everything to move in with him. I became his first serious girlfriend, the first girl he ever said he loved, and his first everything else. It was like a fairy tale. I was so happy to finally have the guy of my dreams, and it got even better when I met his amazing family. He proposed after 8 months of dating, and we started planning our wedding.
A few months after we got engaged, I unexpectedly got pregnant, but miscarried shortly after. Within days, he pushed back the engagement, saying that he needed some time to figure things out. I was so sad that I lost the baby and the engagement in the same month, that I became quite sad and emotional for a few months.
There has been a series of “push-backs” to our engagement ever since, until about 4 months ago, when he said that he didn’t want to set anything in stone because he wasn’t sure about whether or not we should get married. Oddly, he knew that he wanted me to be the mother of his children, and even suggested that we try for a baby! I said no, because I want to have a secure family to bring a child into. I gave him the ring back, and told him that I couldn’t wear it until he knew for sure. I waited 4 months, and a few days ago, i cracked. With the holidays coming, and family gatherings on the horizon, I just didn’t want to not know what was going on. I love his family so much, and it hurts to spend time with them while we are in such limbo, especially because he never told his family anything. As far as they know, we are just REALLY relaxed about the wedding planning.
He did give me reasons why he was afraid, but when I tried to find solutions, they weren’t enough to help. He is afraid of divorce and losing everything, so I offered to sign a prenup that would allow him to keep his current assets, since he had bought his own home before we started dating. He felt better, but not enough to change his mind. He started seeing a therapist, which I had quite a bit of hope in. Unfortunately, he is no closer to getting to the root of this all. When he came home yesterday from the therapist, I told him that I wanted to have an answer soon, because I can’t keep hanging around. (I really want to settle down and start a family. At my age, I never expected to be back out in the single world, and i’m worried that if I wait too long to meet “Mr Right,” that I may not even be able to have a family.) He said that he needed more time than that, because he just doesn’t have that “feeling” yet that we would be successful at a marriage or that I am “the one.” It hurt to hear that, as you can imagine. I want so badly to stay and wait, but i’m afraid it will never change.
So, my questions are: Do you all think i am right for saying that we need to go our separate ways? Have any of you been in a similar situation? How did things work out? Moving out seems like a great place to start, because these ups and downs have taken a toll on my feelings of security and my self-esteem. Also, I don’t want to be “playing wife” if we are not moving towards that. Do you all think that it’s possible that he will come around if I leave?
Thank you all so much for reading this! I’m so confused, and i need some advice 🙂