He changed his mind about marriage & did not tell me

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 47
Member
15 posts
Newbee

chacha7 :  he doesn’t want the cow, he just wants the milk to be free, and he’ll manipulate to have it that way. 

Post # 49
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Katy Laura Henriksen :  this is a completely ridiculous metaphor. OP is not a cow who is “giving away milk for free” WTF. She is a strong, intelligent, experienced woman who realized this man was totally wasting her time. 

OP I love the text you sent him and I am glad to hear you are moving on. It’s one thing to be burned and not want to get married but it’s quite another to not even make an attempt to include your partner in the home that she is also putting money toward and to leave his gf out of every single financial situation he is in. It seems that he has never had an intention of including you beyond the manipulative ring he bought for you that actually makes nothing. Good luck to you! You will sure find someone who is worthy of you. 

Post # 50
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee

Nothing much to add. Glad to hear that you have decided to move ahead with your new life. 

I wish you well in finding the partner you ” want to grow old with”. 

Post # 51
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee

Hi Bee, I’m so sorry it has come to this. Both of you doesn’t want the same thing in life and doesn’t have the same vision of the relationship. It’s not going anywhere. He sounds like a good man but not the one giving you what you need long term.

Have courage. Hugs.

Post # 52
Member
30 posts
Newbee

If you love him and are happy with all other aspects of the situation is it possible that you could remain committed and unmarried? What about even having a commitment ceremony but not being legally married?  Maybe the trauma of two divorces makes that overwhelming? You could put both of your names on the house? I completely understand your position and wanting to be committed and married especially after so much time. I don’t think you are wrong at all. But if you are happy in all other ways maybe you could take some smaller steps to show your commitment as a compromise that would work for both of you?

I have a co-worker in her 50s who has been with her man for about 15 years. Both were married twice previously and both have adult children. They are happy and committed, they own a house together, have moved for work and lived in three different cities together, take vacations with both of their kids. They refer to each other as my partner not boyfriend/girlfriend. 

I’m not saying you should compromise on marriage if that is truly the most important to you, but maybe there are other ways you can both show your commitment that could work for both of you?

 

(I also only read the initial post so if this guy is a jerk and there are other issues disregard my advice!)

Post # 53
Member
4315 posts
Honey bee

observer :  Apparently you never met my mother. Married 4x,  in her 20s, 50s and then in her 60s. We call her ET.  Nothing strange about it. 

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