Post # 16
For what its worth, I was a total wreck after I broke up with my ex. Just because he cheated on me didn’t make it any easier. If/when you have those low moments just remember that there are better things to come for you. If he couldn’t stay faithful for 1.5 years, could you imagine what he would be capable of after 5, 10, 20?? Let that be someone else’s problem!
Post # 17
I could possibly get over the fact that he kissed someone. But I personally could not stand the fact that he lied to my face for six months and kept that ginormous secret.
Post # 18
if the trust is gone the love won’t be long to follow
Post # 19
Before I found out about all of this, I was not okay with the amount of time he was spending with her doing one on one activities. I brought it up at the time and he said I was being unfair and was only reacting that way because of the distance and I somewhat relented. They stopped being friends abruptly so it ceased to be an issue.
They spent a lot of time together. Going on hikes, working out at the gym together, going to dinner, etc. She had a boyfriend she had been with for about a year and a young child. The whole thing was mind blowing to me that a woman in her situation would even spend so much one on one time with a new ‘friend’.
It’s hard because I never suspected him of anything. I thought she fancied him and I thought he was spending too much time with her, but never any of this.
Post # 20
As I have more time to think and process everything, I believe this is a character flaw in him.
He can blame it on the distance and the move or them being drunk or her kissing him or any number of things, but the truth of the matter is there is something in him that needed that attention and affection from someone else when I couldn’t physically be there to provide it.
There were never any signs other than him spending what I thought was an inappropriate amount of time with this woman, but looking back before he moved away he was always with me or friends or family. He never was alone and obviously, couldn’t handle it when he moved and he was.
I know I’ll be okay and this is the right decision, but it’s heart breaking all the same.
Post # 21
My now fiance confessed to kissing a girl while drunk at a bar with friends last summer. He told me about 5 days after it happened. I was obviously distraught and trust was broken for several months. But I thought that it could have been ALOT worse. He could have slept with her, gotten an STI or got her pregnant. He was very remoseful about the situation. Luckily we were in therapy already so we were able to work through it.
If you see a future with him and the feelings are mutual, I think it is worth working through it. Hugs to you ❤
Post # 22
This just proves that your intuition was spot on. He says you were being unfair for being concerned but clearly it was completely justified.
Post # 23
nothing really to add but hugs to you. I’m sorry bee. Stick with your decision, you know best. It’ll be ok.
Post # 24
Im sorry.. I dated a guy like that too, not long distance though, when he kissed someone else i was crushed. Never thought in a million years he’d make me feel that way. Some people would say “its just a kiss! Nothing more, blah blah blah..” but honestly, to me, I’d dump him. He waited 6 months to tell you. Yes its long distance, but thats no excuse to kiss/sleep with someone else. . I’d break up with him before I invest anymore of my time. A year and a half may seem like a long time to just break up and leave. But its better than being together for 4 years and something like that happens again… You deserve better. I thought that guy was going to be my everything, glad I knew my worth and found my current bf of 6 years!
Post # 25
Just wanted to chime in and say I’ve read your orginal post and your follow up responses and I think you’re doing something very difficult, with a lot of strength. It’s so admirable bee. And it will get better.
Post # 26
This is not worth staying in for few reasons:
- Long distance
- Boyfriend not being able to push away the kisser but instead kissed back. WTF?
- Coming ‘clean’ after 6 months is for his own benefit to clear his own conscience. If he cared about your feelings, he would have come clean right away. Same night.
- If you excuse this then he will use drinking and doing dumb things and blame it on the drinking. Do you really want to be with someone who is so fickle that they cannot handle their alcohol and will end up kissing someone? And what if he is out of town again somewhere else? This will be on your mind all the time now, driving you crazy.
There are plenty of men who don’t kiss another woman after a few drinks.
Post # 27
“Yeah, where are all of these women who are always forcing themselves on helpless men?”
Right, lol. I think they must turn into those ex’s that men maintain were crazy/evil/bitches/ex from hell etc
Post # 28
Treat his story like an iceberg. He’ll own up to kissing. Two thirds of the truth is under the surface.
Post # 29
it does happen. And that kind of mindset is part of why men often don’t report rape.
Post # 30
What you need to think about is if you’ll be able to trust him in the future. Or if this will always be on your mind. I’ve been in a relationship with no trust, it’s torture. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Constantly worried what he’s doing and with who, it makes you physically ill. If this is how you think you’ll always feel, even just in the back of your mind, it’s not worth it.