- 10 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
I am a regular poster not a troll…
I’m not sure exactly what to do and out of total embarassment and can’t talk to my friends or family about it. Here’s the back story:
About 90 days before we got married I found out that my DH had an emotional affair. He was a retail manager and hit on a girl during an interview and started talking to her. They went on 4 dates. All lunch dates, and nothing physical ever happened. One night we went to go rent a movie and he ran inside and I stayed in the car with his phone. He got a text from this girl, Amy. It said something that you could tell obviously had been an answer to a text sent from him but the history was deleted so I wasn’t sure what his text had said. When he got in the car I asked him about it and he claimed that the text must have been for someone else and she made an error. I didn’t believe him. I knew that he was lying. We immediatley started arguing. Obviously, someone from work wouldn’t text you at 10pm at night by accident. You would have to reply to a prior text and why would he have been texting her anyway? (I hope this is making sense I’m super upset)
So I pretended to be him and I texted her back, “what are you talking about?” we go back and forth and basically I get to the point where I tell her that I am his fiance. She is shocked. I ask if I can call her she agrees. By this time we are back at the house and he is sitting on the couch. I am yelling at him the entire time. He starts trying to pull the phone out of my hands and we are fighting like it is Jerry Springer or something. Finally I get it from him and I call her. He was sitting on the couch like a beaten puppy. She tells me that she didn’t know that I existed and that she is so sorry. She tells me that they had been on a few lunch dates and that nothing physical ever happened, but after the last one he did send her a text saying that he wanted to kiss her but chickened out (she later forwarded me all of his texts). We fought back and forth all night and I told him I wasn’t marrying him.
I was in total shock and didn’t know what to do. We had just sent our invitations out to everyone and I was afraid of looking like an idiot (yes I know that this was stupid) We started going to counseling. Basically, DH had a history of cheating in other relationships. Both his mother and father also committed adultery during their marriage until they were divorced. After counseling it was determined that DH was not cheating to have an actual affair, but it had to do with him needing attention. He made promises to continue counseling to get this all worked out, claimed he was “sick”, because he really loved me and wanted to get married. I eventually agreed to go through with it.
I don’t trust him. All of this time after, even though I want to forgive him I can’t. I check his phone messages, read his email, log into his fb account, and basically torture myself everyday with thoughts that he might be doing something behind back. This isn’t the way that a marriage is suppose to be. We are just pretending like nothing happened to the people around us. I wish that I cold just let go of appearances and not be so worried about being judged. I’m so upset and lost.
How do I do this? how do I tell my family? people with think I’m so stupid for going through with it in the first place. I’m so embarassed.