He cheated, lied, betrayed me and I feel like I'll never get over it

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
5185 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I feel like you’ve posted all this before? Have you deleted previous threads?

Post # 3
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

lacrimosa88 :  it’s good that you’re in therapy, keep up with that. Whilst you say you would never act on the suicidal thoughts, thoughts can fester until you sometimes feel compelled to act on them. Next time you have a suicidal thought, please call a suicide helpline. Talk to them. This guy took your relationship from you, he took your trust, your love, he took 5 years of your life which he doesn’t deserve and he certainly doesn’t deserve the rest of your life.

I’m sorry you’re hurting. You spent a long time with this guy so unfortunately it’s going to hurt for a while. Your going to feel betrayed for a while and that’s completely valid. It might not seem like it now but you’ve dodged a bullet, I mean the guy can’t even come up with a different term of affection for you and her. He’s also stupid enough to not change his Facebook password and conduct an affair through Facebook messenger, even though he had her number. Actually it seems like he wanted to be caught. You deserve so much better. Spend some time finding who you are and what you want from life. 30 isn’t old and you’ve plenty of time to meet someone new and have a family, many people on this site didn’t meet their partner until after 30. It’s a cliche but it just takes time and there’s no a few months to process and then you should be good to go, the time varies for everyone.

Post # 4
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Bee, I am so sorry to hear this! Please stay strong!

I experienced something similar but we weren’t engaged yet though both parents gave their blessings. Four and a half years in and he broke it off on my birthday, and found out he cheated on me with a girl he just met a day ago in an event – they’re engaged now. I was davistated and I cried for a good 2 years actually.

After about 5-6 months only did I actually pull myself together to actually hang out with anyone. I kept myself busy by going to the gym and work it all out. A month before 2 years, I met my SO. 

It took awhile, longer than most people but I needed that time to heal. Looking back, I’m glad I healed well cos I wouldn’t want to bring that baggage over to my current relationship.

I do still take little pleasures in making fun about their life and how small her diamond is (I don’t normally compare nor laugh at people’s diamonds, but only theirs… only theirs!) but is merely just for fun.

I’m sorry bee for what you’re going through. There’s really nothing any of us can say that would make things better, all I can say is stay strong!

You’re better than him! WAY BETTER! You WILL find someone and you’ll be treasured the way you deserve! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

This has definitely been posted before as I was reading it just twigged that it is the exact same post (maybe altered slightly) – *yawn* you should of by now already have left him (if he did cheat and you couldnt forgive) or tried to move forward in the relationship (again if he did cheat) – if he didn’t cheat well…I really don’t think there is much else to say.

Post # 6
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

zzar45 :  it is the same post re-posted…I replied to this post months ago, so you are not the only one to detect that 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

vintagegirl13 :  you might detect that it’s a duplicate post but it doesn’t mean you actually read this post. She has left him, gone to where she used to live and is looking for advice on how to move forward with her life. Not comments that she should dump him.

Post # 8
Member
3066 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I just want to say I’m sorry for what happened and what you’re going through. Heaing from being cheated on can take a long time. Everyone is different. Even though it’s been six months, what you went through and the length of relationship you had, I think it’s normal that you would still be struggling with this. I know I would if I was in your shoes.

I think you just need continue to do all that you’re doing. If you think you therapist isn’t really effective then it may be a good idea to seek out a new one with a different approach/fresh perspective. However, mostly just give yourself time. Try not to worry about your age and focus on self care and embracing the person you are. Don’t let him take away the love you have for yourself or your future happiness. 

Theres a site with people going through what you are and I believe it’s called surviving infidelity. So it might help you to connect with others and read similar experiences.

Post # 9
Member
2595 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

lacrimosa88 :  I’m so sorry that you were treated so poorly – no-one would be expecting that to happen out of the blue. You’re grieving and what you’re feeling is natural. Keep up with therapy. Accept that he wasn’t right for you. Try to find some new things to do to take your mind off things. He’s a coward and you can do better. Hugs to you.

Post # 10
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think you just need to be paitent and kind to yourself. This only happened in May- its not that long ago. And you should definitely not worry about being nearly 30… that’s still plenty young and you have lots of time to meet somebody else and start a family. Take the time you need. Do things you love. You will heal and you will find somebody else. 

Post # 11
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

lacrimosa88 :  That is awful. This may not be what you want to hear, but you dodged a bullet. Can you imagine this happening to you after you were married and had children (if you decided to have children)? 

When someone breaks your heart, take life life day by day BUT find a way to embrace your new life. You will meet someone, I got married when I was 38 so it is not too late for you. Take this time to learn the new you. 

Most importantly, you did the right thing to leave him! That shows you are strong, have self respect, and self worth. You will be fine in the end. Hang in there bee… (((hugs)))

Post # 12
Member
9132 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

vintagegirl13 :   zzar45 :  She’s retelling some of the breakup part from 6 months ago for context, and then asking for advice about what to do NOW.  Maybe read the post before you comment.

lacrimosa88 :  I’m sorry this happened to you <3  It can take a long time to get over it, but time heals all things!  Keep exercising, eating healthily, spending time with friends.  Are there hobbies or activities that you gave up during your relationship?  Jump back into those things, or try out new ones.  The therapy is also a smart thing to do.

Have you seen the website survivinginfidelity.com?  I think it could help – lots of good resources there, and lots of people who talk to who have gone through the same thing.

Hugs xoxox

Post # 13
Member
6738 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

It’s only been 6 months. I know that seems like plenty of time but after a 5 year relationship, it’s really nothing. 

All of your thoughts and feelings are completely normal. You were dealt a really bad hand and it’s going to take a while to feel better/normal/happy again. That’s completely understandable! It’s good that you’re in therapy. Keep it up! It will get better. 

Post # 14
Member
367 posts
Helper bee

Try to be kind to yourself. Six months is not a long time. Your relationship was 5 years and you thought it was forever, so even thought it was ‘only’ five years, your thoughts and plans were going 5, 10, 20 years in the future. You also gave up so much for him. You gave up your home and life and job to move. It takes a really long time to get over something like this. Its like a death, there’s no real closure because you never get the answer to “why?”. You wonder why all the time and wonder what happened. You try to make sense of it and you cant. I hope you continue therapy. It took me a year to get to a point where I felt I could date again after my ex cheated. I don’t think I was actually over him, but I was finally happy on my own, and I was ready to move past it and be with someone else. I think when you’re finally happy on your own, you will see that there is more for you than him. It will get better with time. For me it was the one year mark. 

Post # 15
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020 - Windermere, Cumbria

6 months really isn’t long in the grand scheme of things – I’m so sorry this happened to you, bee. Like PPs have said, do stay in therapy! I’d also recommend maybe taking up a new hobby? Running was great for me when my ex cheated on me. It really helped clear my head somehow.
Hugs to you

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