- 2 years ago
Not sure what I’m trying to get out of this thread, but I guess I want to vent and hear some advice.
I(29) was in a relationship for 5 years. Him (33) and I met when I just finished university and even though I had boyfriends before, I’ve never felt this intense kind of love. I would have done anything for him, and he would have done anything for me, so I thought. Of course our relationship wasn’t perfect, but it was healthy, happy and loving, and til the very end I often had friends telling me ‘You guys are the perfect couple’ and ‘I hope one day I find what you have’. We were affectionate til the very end, telling each other all the time that we love each other, making plans for the future. You know, it was this kind of love where I actually thought that I found the one and that nothing can ever tear us apart.
Fast forward to this year. Earlier this year he proposed and I said yes. His work gave him a promotion, but for that new job he had to move to a new country, about two flight hours from us. I agreed to go with him, I was excited for him, for us. A few months before moving there we already spent two weekends there looking for apartments, and we found one we wanted to buy. Then, in early May, he moved to that new place. I quit my job to follow him two weeks later. When I arrived there mid May he welcomed me with flowers and said how happy he is that I’m finally here. I couldn’t wait for our new life. I swear I didn’t notice any signs that could have indicated what would happen next.
The first two weeks in the new place were wonderful. Nothing went wrong. Then, after a bit more than two weeks, he had to go on a work trip (he has to go every few weeks) to a city an hour from here. We had a small fight before he left, nothing serious though. He messaged me when he got to that city and told me he’s really tired and will go to sleep. We said good night, and I went to sleep too. The next morning I messaged him, no answer. No answer for hours. I called him and his phone was switched off. That was really unusual for him, so I started to get worried. When he still didn’t contact me in the early afternoon, I called his Mom to see if she knows anything. She didn’t, and got worried too. She then called the hotel he was staying in, and she told me that he answered the phone and is in his room and will call me soon. When he finally called me, he sounded so cold, weird. He told me he barely slept last night which is why he slept all morning (he only had to work in the afternoon) and that he has been thinking all night about us. That he thinks I’m not happy in the new place we moved to, that I’m not happy that I had to leave my work and friends behind and that he only wants the best for me. I didn’t understand. I asked him, what are you talking about? I moved here for you, less than three weeks ago, and I thought we were super happy. I AM really happy. He said he doesn’t think so, and that it’s not a final decision, but that maybe it’s better for ME if we break up. I started crying and hung up the phone.
I knew something was wrong. This wasn’t normal for him. I went to his computer and started snooping, and yes, I’m glad I did. First, I found a Facebook conversation between him and some girl. The conversation started just days before that day, with him saying ‘Hey, it was nice meeting you! Wanna go for some drinks when I’m in town again in a few days?’ and she said that it was nice meeting him too and that she would love to, and gave him her phone number. Then, I found two Uber receipts from the night before that said that he went to an address (I googled the address and it was a bar) after he told me he’s going to sleep, and then back to the hotel at 3am. I felt so sick I threw up. Then I called him again, and he didn’t answer for a long time. When he finally answered,I confronted him with everything I found. He said I should calm down and that she’s just a friend, I said ‘A friend you just met? A female friend that you meet at a bar after you tell me you go to sleep?’ and he kept saying how I’m exaggerating and that nothing really happened. I cried, and he didn’t care. I hung up again.
Then I packed my bags and decided to stay with a friend for a while, a couple of hours drive from here (since I quit my job weeks before, I didn’t have any obligations anyways). I left before he came back home (he came back a day later), and I thought he would try to contact me, try to apologize. Nothing. I stayed wih my friend for TWO entire weeks and didn’t hear a word of him. Nothing. I could have been dead and he wouldn’t have cared. Then, when I finally decided to confront him after two weeks, I drove back home. He wasn’t there. Instead, I suddenly did hear from him- He sent me a text message. The text message said something like ‘I’m sorry it had to end like this, I just knew you were unhappy and I was right about it, I wish you the best in life’. I freaked out. A text message? After FIVE years of relationship, after being ENGAGED, after everything we experienced together, after him meeting some girl in a bar?? I called him, no answer, for hours. In those hours I checked his Facebook again. More messages with that girl. It was clear that in those two weeks that I had been gone, he had been seeing her, they had been going on dates. And his last message to her even said: ‘You have no idea how much I love you, I love you more than you could ever imagine’. I couldn’t believe my eyes. That’s what he used to say to me. And now he said that to her after knowing her for less than THREE weeks. I cried, and at some point he finally returned my call.
Then he admitted everything. Admitted that he cheated on me with her, that she came to his hotel, that they have been dating the past two weeks when I was gone. I called him a son of a bitch and that I never want to see him again. Then I hung up. I moved out a day later without seeing him again (Still can’t believe my 5 years relationship ended like this) and have not heard from him ever since. That was almost six months ago.
I just… can’t believe it still. I still cry sometimes. I still dream about him. Don’t get me wrong, I hate him so much, I hate him for everything he has done to me and I would never never ever take him back, but I still think of him every single day, I feel incredibly lonely, while he’s probably with that new girl. I came back to the city we lived before, and found a new job. I’m single, and I’m in therapy, but I feel like it’s not helping that much. I feel worthless, sometimes I feel like I deserve what he has done to me and I can’t help it. Sometimes I’m convinced that no one will ever want me again, and that I will never have a family, children and that I’ll never find happiness again. I’m almost 30, and I feel depressed most days, even though I do have friends, I do have hobbies and I do try to distract myself from everything. I just feel so broken inside. I have to admit, I have thought of suicide, but those are just thoughts, I would never go through with it. I just don’t know what to do. I’m trying everything. I’m fighting to be happy again. I just can’t. Often I’m in bed at 3am staring against the wall, unable to sleep. Or I wake up in the morning, feeling incredibly lonely. Even after all this time. And yes, I do miss him. I miss what I thought he was, what we were, how he was my best friend, the love of my life, the only person who knew everything about me and who I wanted around all the time. I still can’t believe what he did, it still sounds like a nightmare to me.
Well, ya, that’s it. Has anyone here ever gone through something like this? How did you heal? I feel like I’m not getting better at all, even though it’s been months.