He cheated, lied, betrayed me and I feel like I'll never get over it

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
1490 posts
Bumble bee

Huge hugs Bee. You deserve so much better. I’m really pissed at him trying to pin this on you “not being happy” what a coward. I wonder if he even believes his own BS. 

I know lots of women who have met true loves in the 30’s. My best friend met her soulmate at 32 after a failed 10 year marriage. You will find love again. 

Post # 17
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

You have gone through a seriously traumatic experience. You’ve left home to follow a man who turned out to be a manipulative, cheating bastard. The psychological principle of ‘cognative dissonance’ or the difference between what you imagined to be true being vastly different from the actual truth could be part of what is screwing you up here. You were happy in your perception of the relationship, but it wasn’t real. It’s going to take your brain a while to catch up with the rest of you. You’re grieving a loss here. It sucks, but you have to let yourself feel that pain. The therapy is the best thing you could be doing for yourself. When my first marriage ended, therapy was the only thing that helped. 

The good news is this – the man you are meant to be with is still out there. Even if you don’t feel that way now, you’re worthy of a great, loving, supportive, honest relationship. Work on yourself for a while, and it’ll come. <3 

Post # 18
3029 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

So sorry this happened to you, Bee. What a betrayal! 

Give it some more time. It took me a year to get over being cheated on by one of my ex-boyfriends. 

Also! Keep yourself busy. I worked out, got super into cooking, read all of the books, went to all of the museums, took art classes, etc. 

You can do it! 

Post # 19
1356 posts
Bumble bee

I’m so sorry, Bee!  I know this is still very hard for you and will take time to heal (and you will eventually), but be glad that you are not with this dirtbag anymore.  You deserve so much more!  Keep yourself busy and stay positive. You are still very young and there are still plenty of wonderful guys out there.  That’s what I told myself when my fiance and I split up when I was 27. I was completely heartbroken and a wreck for a bit, but deep down it was a blessing.  Then I met the love of my life who I married and have a beautiful daughter with.  And this will happen for you too – have faith!  The right guy is still out there!  Hugs.

Post # 20
83 posts
Worker bee


loz24 :  A good 90% of this is duplicated from a previous thead though so if you had actually participated in that thread you would understand…

Post # 21
83 posts
Worker bee

lolot :  I will reiterate what I said to another poster, a lot of the content was already covered in a previous post, even the part where she left…so maybe don’t assume??

Post # 22
11 posts

vintagegirl13 :  Maybe you should actually offer supportive advice for someone who has left the asshole and is now seeking comfort on how to move on rather than yawning about it. I hope that if you were ever in this situation and were seeking support, those around you won’t treat your situation like you’re treating the OP’s. Have some goddamn sympathy. Many of us have read the original post from months ago. She’s just providing background for those who hadn’t read it. 

OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My heart hurts for you. It does get better with time. 6 months is still a short time to recover from a betrayal this significant in a 5-year relationship. There is someone else for you out there. I wish there was a magic formula to make the pain less painful, but there’s not. Take care of yourself, and in time, you’ll come out of this stronger than ever. 

Post # 23
1986 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

vintagegirl13 :  even so, it’s called a re-cap. It helps people who haven’t read the earlier post. I do remember the old post but in this post she was looking for help with moving on with her life, she feels that maybe she should be over it and isn’t moving in the right direction. So yes, I’m sure your comment was super helpful to her.

You don’t have to reply to the post. If you’ve read it before and don’t feel your advice was acted on, well don’t offer advice again and move on. 

Post # 24
83 posts
Worker bee

loz24 :  You are right in that I didnt have to respond to it, it is just frustrating sometimes though when people repost something they have pretty much covered, and/or advice was not taken so they post the same thing again.

I wouldn’t say the post was a recap at all, it was the same entire story so I don’t think you can blame someone for getting to a certain point and thinking it was the same post (before getting to the part she mentioned about moving on)

In this case I was maybe a little hasty. It does not matter whether my comment was useful to her, others I am sure, will have been.

Post # 25
83 posts
Worker bee

porkbun :  Woah calm down…

I will reiterate what I said to another bee I have just replied to, I began to read this post, I am sure you can agree it is a long one. It was the same as the previous post so it was not a recap nor does it say she posted it before, I got to a certain part of reading where I thought it was the same entire post hence my initial response and may I add someone else thought that too!

I skimmed it and didnt even pick up on the part where she mentioned moving on etc. (my bad) of course I am supportive of anyone who leaves a relationship that serves them no good being in! Please don’t assume otherwise, I hope that the OP can work through how she is feeling and find some peace following on from it.

I guess because other Bee’s have posted things multiple times before ignoring advice or trolling/ seeking attention it is sometimes easy to respond in haste. Which I did…and I am sure others have before, I am human.

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