Post # 1
After trying not to think about him going away for a long time, my fiance deployed early this morning :(. This isn’t remotely wedding related to be honest, but I’m just floating about and trying to work out how on earth people manage to survive deployments? It’s our first and fortunately, he is only gone for about 4 months, but right now that seems like a long time and feels pretty sucky to be honest! We get married 6 months today, and have been able to do most of our planning together so far but now we have four months to cross off the calendar somehow.
Anyone else planning with your fiance away?
Post # 3
I’m not planning with my Fiance away, but I have a friend who did. I just wanted to say, good luck and to send you a virtual hug!
Post # 4
Not planning with fiance away but I just wanted to answer your post and spread a little sunshine your way. I can only imagine what having a partner in the military would be like. I honestly don’t think that I could do it but this would be the perfect time for the two of you to communicate through letters. Imagine how meaningful it will be for your grandchildren to read through the heartfelt letters sent by their grandparents just before they got married. You could even integrate them into your vows if you wanted to. Maybe you two could talk through SKYPE while he is away?
Post # 5
Hugs!!! I am a military brat, so I didn’t want to marry military. My best friend did and it was really hard. He is a sailor and goes off shore several months at a time. He missed the birth of his son by 2 days because his ship pulled out. So I know how hard times can get. Good luck and much hugs!!! Just think that he’ll be back before you know it and then the wedding will be right around the corner.
Post # 6
I did all the planning while my husband was deployed (15 long months!) and it kept me busy and looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel, honestly. You just take deployments day by day. After about a month, I got used to him being gone and I just settled into a routine. My weeks were filled with school and every Saturday I got my one, solitary 30 minute phone call. I looked forward to it every week! So it just become more of a day-by-day, when is Saturday here? Oh look a month has gone by. Oh look, two months have gone by. That sort of thing.
I actually liked planning it solo. We didn’t have any fights about the wedding because he just said to do what i wanted to do. I spent a lot of time off in wedding lala land to keep me busy and thinking about how when he’d get home, we’d be so much closer to getting married.
Post # 7
When I met my Darling Husband, he was in the process of retiring after 25 years. I never had to experience that, but every time I read about someone deploying, I think about it.
I know I can’t say anything to make it easier, but I’ll add the two of you to my prayers. Hopefully the next 4 months will fly by.
Post # 8
My FH has been to Iraq and is going to Afghanistan after we get married. It’s difficult – for me, more than I get used to him being here, then he goes and as soon as I get re-used to being alone, he’s back. That’s a huge adjustment.
But it’s also hard for me in my line of work (DoD) to not read all about what’s going on where he is when he’s there which makes me depressed.
What has helped me was to make a calendar and cross off each day – it showed me how time went by. I also put on the page what I did so I didn’t forget….like “take dog to vet” and then I would remember to tell him about it.
4 months is not that long – make dates with girlfriends, volunteer (that helped me a lot), etc and it goes by pretty fast.
Post # 9
I also did the planning while the Fiance was away. He wasn’t deployed while we were engaged, but we only saw eachother once during our 10 month engagement…and in addition to that, only saw eachother 3 times the first 10 months we were married…and…the first 10 months we were in a relationship, he was deployed. What’s with all my 10 month segments? LOL Anyhoo…I completely feel your pain. It’s one thing to not see a loved one for 4 months, but add a deployment on top of the time, and it just seems downright sucky! The lucky thing is, you do have a wedding to plan for!!! That in itself will be a lifesaver because you will be so busy with details, especially beings the wedding is in 6 months.
When Darling Husband and I were apart, I would break down the time apart into segments. When Darling Husband was deployed, I had a mini celebration every 3 months that went by. Maybe you can do something similar. Beings he’s only gone for 4 months, maybe make it into a one month celebration…mani/pedi, nice dinner out, haircut, etc. If you break down the deployments and just say, I’m just going to worry about one week/one month, etc at a time, rather than focus on the whole 4 months, it goes by MUCH quicker. I remember when the first 4 months went by that we were together, and he was only deployed for 6 more months, I thought, “Wow…only 6 more months to go.” I think because I didn’t focus on the deployment as a whole really helped!
Post # 10
Thanks ladies, it always helps to hear that other people have got through these things! I have my calendar all lined up to cross off my first day at the end of today and as I’m in my final few months of teacher training, I will be kept pretty busy with work and studying over the next few months until he gets home as well as wedding planning
I like the idea of marking the time down in segments, that sounds like a great plan, thank you!
We are used to being apart as the first 7 years of our relationship was long distance, ranging from between 2 hours to 7 hours drive away, but having had him so much closer (although still an hour & a half drive away) and spending every weekend together/kind of living together I know I will miss him! It can only make us stronger, but I shall be a happy girl when the next 4 months are over, I do have to be honest!
Thanks for the support 🙂
Post # 11
awwww (((HUGS))) .. i hate the first day they go. It’s good you have your wedding to keep you busy, plus .. LIFE and things. Hang in there … get as much as you can done now before he gets back because it gets hectic when they get back.
Post # 12
I had to plan in the early stages for almost 3 months alone while my future hubby was training (ARMY). He took his labtop with him to training, so we were able to webcam most nights! It will go by fast let me promise you that and when he gets home it will be the best feeling ever! This is part of being married to someone in the military and from what I’ve heard it’s not going to get easier, but if you learn to cope and keep yourself busy he will be home before you know it. I would suggest use this time to throw yourself into wedding planning to keep you busy. Use this time alone to get as much done as possible, so when he gets home you can spend lots of time together before the wedding. Good luck!
Post # 13
My husband is deployed now and has been gone almost 9 months in Afghanistan 🙁 So I can definitely relate! We got married quickly so I could be with him and go to school where he got stationed. I am planning our “real” wedding while he’s gone and its way less stressful! There’s nothing to disagree on because you pretty much make most of the decisions! lol It will definitely keep you occupied, but my best advice would be to stay busy. You can do it! 🙂
Post # 14
My Fiance is actually deployed right now, and it’s our first, so I understand how you are feeling.. But trust me when I say that four months will fly by.. As long as you keep yourself busy, which will be easier than you think with your schooling and planning your wedding.. My fiance has been gone 4.5 months now and still has another month and a half til he’s home on R&R, but I can honestly say that it has gone a lot faster than I thought it would.. It’s by no means easy, but it really isn’t as hard as you let yourself believe (assuming of course that you’re like me and completely freaked out beforehand, which you might not have lol)..
Post # 15
@NearlyMrsMac: I’m sorry that your fiancée is gone. I’m only eighteen, and many people think I don’t know much about relationships because I’m so young, but I’ve been with my fiancée for three years. He moved back to Indiana last year, and we have been in a long-distance relationship ever since. He was here for Thanksgiving and proposed to me. To add on top of our already long-distance relationship, he’ll be leaving for Marine boot camp in August to San Diego, California. Though our wedding won’t be until November of 2012, I have started making plans on my own. It’s hard to be away from your significant other, but after the first month, it gets a little easier. As I said, it’s been a year for me. The longest I went without seeing him was six months, and since the last time, it’s been four. All you can do is write to him, wait for his phone calls, and count down the days until he’s in your arms again. Make sure to remind him every chance you get, how much you love him. He’ll need that little push every once in a while. Where is he stationed right now?
Post # 16
I’m so sorry that your Fiance deployed today. I can’t imagine how you feel. All I can say is that my prayers every night include all our servicemen. Praying for their safe return to the families who love them. My nephew is in Afganistan and won’t make our wedding. He came for a brief visit and went back for another 8 months. He is only 18 a baby really. Too young to see what he has seen. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your fiance. God Bless you all and God Bless America.