- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
I feel a little bad for feeling happy about this – but I’m so glad it’s finally happened!
For anyone that hasn’t read my previous posts, my fiance’s parents can be quite painful. I’m not going to spell it all out here, but basically his parents (mostly his dad) get very verbally abusive.
Last week when we delivered invitations to his parents’ guest list, FFIL called us up and was yelling at me over the phone (I answered fiance’s phone because he was driving at the time), all because there wasn’t an invitation for their neighbours. I said I would talk with fiance about it and get back to him. Fiance told his parents it was too late to add more to the guestlist – we’re two months from the wedding, so would have to get more invitations made up and delivered in that time, fiance isn’t that close with the neighbours, and we’re already inviting 200 people – 70 of which are from his parents, so it’s not like the numbers are uneven or anything.
Yesterday, fiance went to his hometown to drop off something for his grandparents and dropped in to visit his parents. His dad asked him where the invitation was for the neighbours and fiance said that they weren’t invited. It was too late to add more people, and we’ve already got enough invited.
Well…FFIL wasn’t happy. He apparently began verbally abusing fiance; calling him names, yelling at him, etc. until fiance just snapped and yelled back – saying that FFIL hasn’t been listening for the past few weeks when fiance has been telling him that there will be no more guests, or multiple other things about the wedding. Fiance then told FFIL that if FFIL ever yells at him or gets upset about something minor and won’t listen to reason, then fiance will just disengage completely.
From the sounds of it, FFIL didn’t pay much attention to this, and was just ranting and raving. But I’m so happy it’s been said. I’ve been trying to get fiance to draw a line with his dad, but he’s so used to just ignoring the yelling and name calling that he barely notices it now – it’s not something I want to get used to, and I sure as hell don’t want our kids to get used to it either.
But anyway, I’m so happy! I mean, I’m sad that fiance’s relationship with his dad got to that stage, but I’ve been finding it so hard to see FFIL belittle and berate fiance over nothing, and I’ve been dreading “joining” this family or bringing children into it because of his behaviour, so I’m just glad that, now, we have a precedent. FFIL has been warned that if he starts again, we’ll walk away, leave the house, hang up the phone, whatever. We’re just not going to talk to him when he’s like that. I know FFIL sure as hell isn’t going to change his behaviours overnight, but it’s a start!