(Closed) he didnt come up with the wedding money!!!!! Legal Advice

posted 8 years ago in Money
Post # 33
Member
4438 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

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@hummingbird2627   I am heartbroken. {…}


This entire post seems completely reasonable, I wouldn’t go through with a marriage when this is a HUGEEEE financial problem already!  Recoup your losses and move on 🙁

Post # 34
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Stinks 🙁   Sounds like you knew he was bad with money, maybe you should have collected X amount from him each month (advise too late).  FH and I put a chunk of money in when we booked hall and will add more next month and add remainder balance a month prior to our wedding.  We put in the same amount each time

Post # 35
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

I know I already responded, but I just dont understand how this happens??

$25K is a HUGE amount of money to me, and even together it’s not an amount that my husband and I could save in a year. But regardless, didnt you guys come together during the last year and talk about where you are at in terms of finances? Our finances have been combined for years but we still talk about whats coming in, what bills are due, how we are doing with our savings account, etc. I just dont understand how you guys didnt check in with eachother to see how the saving was going?

Post # 36
Member
11736 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@hummingbird2627  Tell him to put it on a credit card and call it a day. If he doesn’t want to then I guess he doesn’t want to get married. 

Post # 37
Member
2899 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t have any legal advice other than go see a lawyer ASAP and bring the contracts for him/her to review… and if you need help finding an attorney, your local bar association probably has a referral service.

But just out of curiosity, what exactly does he want to do here? He’s not willing to sell his car or apply for a loan… his only plan is “ask your dad”? What if your dad says no?! (Not that I think that asking your dad is a reasonable plan, either… but yeesh!) 

That’s just so irresponsible… I think you’re really dodging a bullet by ending this relationship. I wouldn’t want to be married to someone who could not only drop the ball on his financial responsibilities like that, but also neglects to inform you until the very last minute. (I’m sure some of your balances must be coming due in the next few days!) It would be one thing if he’d realized six months ago he wasn’t going to be able to meet his savings goals or if there was some unforeseeable crisis that required him to drain his savings, but… this is just messed up. 

ETA: I totally disagree that “you didn’t really love him” if this is all it takes to not want to marry him. Marriage is about a lot more than love. It’s about partnership – financial and emotional. You have to be able to trust him to tell you about things that will affect you, and you have to be able to trust him not to make bad financial decisions that will impact both of you. You could love the absolute hell out of him, but if you can’t trust him to communicate with you and to not leave you $25,000 short a month before a wedding which you’ve already spent a ton of money on, you should not marry him. No matter how much you love him. 

Post # 38
Member
4438 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

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@KatieBklyn  +1!

Post # 39
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@kjo  “Wow..people might not like what I am going to say, but its a good thing he didnt pay because if thats what it takes to not marry him it probably wouldnt have lasted!

“I would try to get the money from the vendors.  Personally, legal actions are pretty harsh for someone you loved so much that you were going to commit your life to them…

“If I were you, get whatever you can from vendors and call the rest a loss.  Expensive way to realize you didnt really love him.”

I COMPLETELY disagree.  The OP is not breaking up with him over $25,000.  She’s breaking up with him because he has proven himself to be unreliable.  There is no way I would marry someone who was that bad at managing his money, regardless of whether he made an unrealistic promise or just frittered the money away.  Love is a necessary but insufficient condition for getting married.  There needs to be trust too.

Post # 40
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I am having difficulty coming up with advice because I just cannot understand how this situation happened.

Honestly, I think the best thing you can do is cancel your wedding and try to get your money back from your vendors.

The fact that this happens shows such a lack of communication in your relationship. Money is one of the number one reasons for divorce. It just doesn’t make sense that you hadn’t discussed your finances and what money was avaialble until a month before the wedding. If you still love him and want to eventually marry him, I think you could work on the relationship but like I said, you seriously need to work on communication and be completely honest and transparent about all financials. And have a plan for your future finances BEFORE planning a wedding.

Post # 41
Member
3109 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

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@hummingbird2627  I think it’s a really shitty situation. But how could you have been so blind to his finances all along? This doesn’t make sense to me. I have no idea whether or not you have a case, but I think you should be thanking your lucky stars you’re not marrying this guy.

Also, if you are $25k short, then so is he. Don’t pay it and go through the legal process with your vendors maybe??? I have no idea.

Post # 42
Member
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

 So, I’m in camp that doesn’t understand how you can be a month before the wedding and just now be finding out his financial situation. Was he lying to you all along?  Did you never see his bank statements?

Yeahhh….this is a crazy situation.  my husband payed probably 60% of the wedding, I paid maybe 35% and our parents paid about 5% (they insisted).  But…before we ever started planning the wedding, we say down, talked about exactly how much we had in the bank, how much we could realistically save each month, etc.

Then, we did monthly check-ins together to see what we’d paid, and what we still needed to pay.  Honestly, we’d already paid all of our big vendors up front well before the wedding.  The only people we had to pay day-of were the DJ and the catering tips.

My husband didn’t have to save money for the wedding, he already had the cash in the bank….which he showed me.  I had very little in the bank, because I’d just bought and furnished a house, but I also showed him what I was starting with and together we worked out a realistic savings goal for me each month.  And he “checked up” on my a few times, too, just to make sure I was saving enough (I was).

In the very, very end, my husband ended up covering about $900 of stuff that I couldn’t just get saved up, due to some medical expenses I had.  He was more than happy to pay for it, because he’d seen me working hard to save money!

Post # 43
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Wow he sounds irresponsible, juvenile, and selfish! a lot like my ex-husband actually, who was unemployed for 3 years of our 6 year marriage and had no qualms about me getting a graduate degree, working to support us and raising our child All while he played wii all day everyday. I know this hurts and you have been betrayed, but be grateful you realized his lack of character before you married him! Divorcing my jerk cost an additional 20K. I hope you can recoup some of your funds and move on gracefully.

Post # 44
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This is a tough situation, so sorry that you are forced with such a difficult decision. What jumped out at me was your exec’s suggestion that you get the money from your dad because “he’s supposed to pay for it anyways” – my hunch is that deep down, all along, your ex didn’t feel that he should have to pay half (I’m also guessing that your family/you have more money than him?).  On the surface he agreed, but in reality he thought you/your family should pay for the wedding. Not saving was possibly his passive aggressive way of expressing that.  He is totally wrong to put you in this position a month before the wedding.  I hope you’ll be able to get your money back. If he really loves you and wants to make things work, then he needs to figure out a solution that covers his end of the agreement.  Good luck!

Post # 45
Member
6114 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am so sorry you are in this situation!  I know I posted before, but I can’t imagine how disappointed you are!

 

This is the same guy who you told you could be having an allergic reaction to peanuts and didn’t call/text to see how you were doing?  You were wondering if you should marry this guy or not if he wasn’t checking on you to see if the reaction happened or not.

Stopping a wedding is easier than getting a divorce.  If he did sign some contracts you at least can do small claims court or get a lawyer. 

Post # 46
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

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@KCKnd2  I’m confused about this as well. If you want to marry this man, the wedding and the money should not matter this much. It sucks and it’s something you need to deal with, but I wonder about the love you share if not being able to afford the wedding you were planning would result in you cancelling not just ther wedding but the marriage itself.

I’d personally start by figuring out how you feel about the man as a potential husband. Do you love him and want to shar ethe rest of your life with him? If so, scale back the wedding however you need to. If you don’t want to share your life with him, then cancel, seek legal counsel, and move on. Many of your vendors may refund some of the money depending on contract and you won’t need ot make future final deposits on services that won’t be rendered.

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