(Closed) he didnt come up with the wedding money!!!!! Legal Advice

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 77
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I also do think having a car is luxury that he could easily give up on in NYC (if they actually do live in NYC).

Post # 78
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you guys should have been putting money in together. My fiance and I have all joined accounts and we pretty much know where each other money goes. We actually have a seperate wedding account we transfer funds to save for when deposits are due. I wish you guys went this route. 🙁 Sorry you have to go through this. I guess everything happens for a reason. Best of luck

Post # 79
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

OP, I am sorry that this is happening to you, but I don’t think you want to marry this guy. You didn’t think you could marry him after the peanut allergy thing (you even said you didn’t think you could have kids with him – that should be a HUGE red flag), and now there is this. I also find it odd that throughout your post you keep talking about him in the past tense “I loved him so much” – ouch, it’s been 5 days and you fell out of love with him that quickly? Is what he did shitty? Hell yes. I would be absolutely livid, and I might very well call off the engagement, but I am sure I would still have feelings of love for him.

If you were looking for an excuse not to marry him, it has arrived, grab it. As far as I can tell (which, admittedly, isn’t much) you’ve been having major doubts for a while.

Post # 80
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

If you can get back deposits great. Since you both signed he is on the hook also for anything vendors legally come after. You can sue him in small claims court, though that will cost more money, time, headaches and will be difficult.

Post # 81
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You are right to be pissed.   One of the top reasons that people get divorced is due to arguments over  money, and if your fiance is not honest enough to be transparent about it then this man is NOT a keeper.

Keep in mind that down the road there will be mortgages and joint credit cards to pay off so if he can’t keep his end of the bargain over finances now, it’s best to run for the hills sooner rather than later.  Otherwise, I see your credit rating taking a nose dive. 

Note:  I realize that this advice sounds terribly un-romantic, but I believe the problem with a lot of people is that they aren’t very logical about marriage (hence the high divorce rate).  Everyone wants the fairy tale, and ignores the red flags cause they want to get wrapped up in the fantasty.    Marriage isn’t just about love, it’s about being totally honest about the nitty gritties in life. Unfortunately, money and the ability to trust your partner about that is one of those things. 

Post # 82
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Honestly, I too would break up with him over this. It sounds like RADICALLY BAD financial mismanagement. I wouldn’t want to marry someone who managed his money so horribly AND didn’t even talk to me about it until it was basically too late to do anything… marrying someone like that would be a recipe for disaster. And poverty. What happens in the future when they want to save up to buy a house but he spends all the money before it ever makes it to savings? Or saving for retirement? Money is one of the top reasons for divorce, because money management is IMPORTANT.

Then there’s the trust/lying issue, which would probably be enough on its own.

re: the car thing – I think what she meant was that he could have saved up 25k all along by cutting extras, like Starbucks, eating out, etc, but since he didn’t, his remaining options to get a lump sum close to the amount included selling his car. Not that she straight-off expected him to sell his car. And, yeah, I think if he was serious about coming up with the money, he would have considered it if they lived somewhere with decent public transportation.

“And I really think it’s blaming the victim to suggest she should have kept tabs on him. If he cheated on her, would you blame her for not inspecting his underpants or putting a GPS in his wallet? Financial infidelity is the same thing. I trust my fiance when he tells me how much he makes, how much he has in savings, how much debt he has… in the same way that I trust him not to have sex with other women. If he tells me “I’ll have $25,000 saved by December,” I’m not going to check his bank book like his mommy or something. I trust that he is a grown ass man and will do what he says, or at least *communicate* with me if it looks like that isn’t going to happen so we can readjust our budget while there’s still time.”

Agreed.

And I want an update to this thread.

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