(Closed) He didn't propose and it breaks my heart

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 31
2879 posts
Sugar bee

Didn’t you post the same thing on another post as  almost finance?  I think you are getting the same advice you got there.

Post # 32
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

It sounds like he doesn’t want to marry you! If he did he wouldn’t need 7 years to propose. I’d tell him how important it is to you and if it’s not something he wants then leave 

Post # 33
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I was also in a similar position.  My husband and I graduated with no debt.  We were together for 6 years by then.  I expected a proposal but he didn’t quite understand th importance of marriage to me.  So I gave him my timeline: I want to be engaged within 2 years (because I wanted to be done having kids before 30).  I told him if after two years he didn’t propose, even though I love him, I would walk because I’ll take his hesitation as a sign of not wanting to commit to me.

Did it add pressure onto him?  Probably.  Was it fair?  I like to think so.  I told him my intentions and have him my timeline.  He had the knowledge of whether my timeline worked with his or not since he was vague with his.  Maybe do the same with your bf.

Post # 34
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Have y’all ever talked about marriage or timeline? You need to have a talk with him and ask him what is his timeline and tell him your timeline. 


Post # 35
4808 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
gardener09 :  You need to have a talk about a timeline and if he does not take your feelings seriously you may want to reconsider the relationship.  He may simply not want to get married.  

Post # 36
2239 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
baunie :  They do have the right to be ticked off.

Parents have the right to feel however they please when their daughter desperately wants to get married to the man she’s been with for seven years and lived with for six, and he hasn’t made one move in that direction. It tends to make them feel like their child’s time is being wasted. They tend to get ticked off with their child, too, if the child could have made better decisions and kept themselves from being in the situation. 

Would you not be irritated with a man who did this or something similar to a friend? Most people would be, and if a friend can feel that way, certainly a parent should be able to.

We don’t have the right to DO whatever we want; everyone has the right to feel whatever they want.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by  Jen9595.
Post # 37
7251 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I can understand the desire to have your loved ones present at your wedding but the things you listed like your insurance ending and your brother dying and now your grandfather being ill are not really good timelines for when/why you should get married. 

If your insurance is about to run out, it is your responsibility to figure out how you are going to address it. Not your SO’s and he certainly shouldn’t need to propose or marry you by a certain time for that.

If you were single and your brother died or your grandfather were ill, I think there would be similar feelings of sadness at them missing your wedding and other special moments in your life, but what’s happening with them is still not a good reason to expect your partner to propose to you or to marry you.

The fact that the two of you have been together for as long as you have and you’ve dropped heavy hints makes it clear that you want to get married. But it doesn’t seem (based on your posts) that you and your SO have sat down and had a serious conversation- “This is what I want from my life. This is the timing in which I’d like for it to happen. Let me know what you want for your life and your timeline and we can each make informed decisions about whether or not we’d like to continue moving forward together.” or “I’d like to get married. I’d like to have children. I’d like to do those things with you. However, I’m not willing to give up the possibility of those things for this relationship.” or whatever your truths are.

The other things you mentioned might contribute to your sense of urgency about this but are not actually good reasons for anyone to speed up a timeline or propose marriage- especially if they had no plans to do so in the first place.

Post # 38
24 posts

I am in almost the same exact position you are in, boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, have been living together for almost 2 years, BUT we purchased the ring last February so i already knew about the ring. So i thought he was going to propose soon, nope we are almost onto a year that the ring has been sitting in god knows where he hid it. But i had brought it up to him before Thanksgiving and all he said was “when the right time comes, stop being impatiant, maybe it’ll even come before then end of this year (2016)” so of course i was all excited around Christmas time (because he has already said he WONT propose on a holiday or birthday) and of course no ring around Christmas time, so i think okay maybe on New Years Eve? or before? Nope, didn’t get anything. So hopes were set and then dropped. 

Post # 40
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
Rhopalocera :  +1  Damn fucking right I’d be ticked off if someone pissed about with my daughter’s feelings like this. 

I would be very blunt with him Bee. If he tries to laugh it off, that would make me pissed and ask Do you think this is a joke?! I’m side-eyeing someone who would be so callously dismissive of your feelings. He’s a grown ass man, he needs to sit that ass down and have a serious grown up discussion. If he refuses, I’d have one foot out the door and be making contingency plans to move on. 

There is also the suggested idea that you propose to him. Anything less than an exhuberant ‘yes’ and I’d be done. This is very modern take-charge-of-your-own-future thinking and I applaud it, just be prepared for it to go either way. If he tries to weasel around it, not saying no but not saying yes either wait and let me propose to you/ I’ll do the proposing when the time is right/ yes…but not yet/ I’ll let you know yada yada yada…..I wouldn’t accept this and I’d be done. It would hurt like hell, but better to know and rip the bandaid off so you can begin healing then to continue in limbo while he laughs off your hurt and confusion (which is a douchey thing to do under any circumstances). 

Post # 41
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

View original reply
gardener09 :  sounds very positive progress. Good luck waiting.

Post # 42
9 posts
  • Wedding: May 2018

View original reply
baunie :  I mean no offense, but a parent(s) is/are always going to about their daughter. I know so many people that are going through what she is going through. 

Post # 43
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m very sorry to hear about your brother. That’s tough. And I hope everything is able to work out with your grandpa. 

Also, I’m happy to hear that it sounds like progress is being made in regards to getting engaged 🙂 

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