He doesn’t believe in engagement rings

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 31
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

TwilightRarity :  you’re on FIRE today! Yet another great response!

Post # 32
Member
3430 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

hopefulmrsm :  if you’re mature enough to get married, you’re mature enough to have a discussion about what you want and what’s importsnt to you. If he blows this off, take that for the red flag it is – he will also blow off other things that you value later on in your relationship if he doesn’t value them too. This is a really good lithmus test to see if you can have this conversation as a couple and really respect each other. 

Post # 33
Member
15 posts
Newbee

It’s good that you revisited the issue and mad eyes things more clear. I hope when the time comes, you get the ring you want, OP! Maybe your boyfriend already bought the band and feels like an idiot and is trying to bring you over to his side?

Post # 34
Member
4721 posts
Honey bee

TwilightRarity :  +1

I am so tired of hearing things like, “I love him so much that I’ll take a twist tie for an engagement ring”. Such drivel. 

Be honest about what you want. OP, honesty in your case is that you are NOT happy with his vision of plain rings. Quite frankly he sounds cheap, the kind of person who has no problem splurging on himself but when it comes to someone else’s needs/wants, suddenly it’s a bad idea to spend money. I totally get living within your means, but it doesn’t sound like a ring that you like is going to harm his bank account too much. But only you know how he is with money – it’s a very important factor in the success of a marriage. 

Post # 35
Member
14 posts
Newbee

There’s nothing wrong with preferring simple bands – my preference is the same. If my husband had expected me to spend several thousand on his ring, that would have been an argument I wouldn’t have backed down on. I don’t see what the expensive cars have to do with anything, unless you bought them for him – his willingness to spend his own money on things he wants doesn’t obligate him to spend his money on things you want and he doesn’t, particularly when you’re just as capable of paying for it as he is.

Post # 36
Member
1256 posts
Bumble bee

i actually don’t see an issue with him saying whats on his mind…so long as thats what it was: sharing his thoughts and then listening to yours and giving them equal weight. he had it in his mind that engagement rings are frivolous and stupid and you’d be cool with a plain wedding band instead. now he knows you guys are not on the same page. the next step is the important one.

since it is well within his means to provide you with something important to you, even if he can’t personally understand or see the value, how he responds now that he has all the information will be telling. 

Post # 37
Member
6628 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

lifetimegoals :  thanks! I meditated and took naps this weekend. I think they agree with me. 😉

Post # 38
Member
42 posts
Newbee

I don’t think you should settle for a band when he can easily afford a ring. He may think it’s a waste of money but it’s for you not for him. I’m sure there are things that he has that you would consider a waste of money.

Post # 39
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

If you have the money, giving someone you love something they want is never. a waste.

Post # 40
Member
1331 posts
Bumble bee

I’m kind of torn with this. I do think that if something is not an ethical or monetary issue and it makes the other person happy then partners should do that to each other (assuming it is reasonble). But then again I don’t think it’s the mans responsibility to buy the engagemetn ring. Most coupkes I know have paid them together. I can see the comparison with his cars to the ring, but at the same time if cars are his priority and he bought them for himself then if ring is OP’s priority then shouldn’t she pay for it?

I would bring it up one more time. My anle would be that I would be getting the ring I want anyway but I would appreciate to share the experience. I thik his tone comes into play here aswell. I would call this a yellow flag but if it’s an isolated quirk then I might be able to let it go and enjoy my own ring that I bought myself.

Post # 42
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

So he’s willing to buy you a ring, you love him, and he loves you. Sounds great to me.

Don’t let your family’s idea of tradition get in the way. Wear that gold band with pride 🙂

Post # 43
Member
1509 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

He said a ‘simple band’ should mean the same as a 5K diamond ring. 

Well, that’s not reality. 

Reality doesn’t work with shoulds or coulds. 

Reailty is facts. And the facts are it matters to you so it should matter to him. 

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