(Closed) He doesn’t care about getting married, just wants to make babies.

posted 10 years ago in Babies
  • poll: Would you TTC before getting married?

    Yep, I would/ I already did this

    I would really consider it/I may have considered it before we got married

    I doubt it, but there's a tiny chance depending on the circumstances

    Never (tell me why!)

    Other

  • Post # 197
    Member
    3628 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    @ReneeWed: Trying To Conceive. I had no idea what it meant either until reading a few babies posts on the bee. 🙂

    Post # 198
    Member
    5879 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @ReneeWed: Trying to conceive.

    OP since this is important to you, I say stick to your guns. He’s not bad guy for being ambivlant towards marriage, like

    View original reply
    @jjmomma: has stated. I had my own struggles (even though I’ve been with my SO for over a decade). There were years where I went back and forth with the thought of marriage. I avoided that discussion or living together because it just freaked me out. Saying “next year, next year, next year” was no longer an option. My SO deserved more than what I was giving. I fought for our relationship. But I did what I had to do to get my mind right (went to theraphy to see what in the hell was my hold up).  Now i’ve been living with SO for a few years now.  Honestly, I now realize that was letting fear rule me. Now I’m very anxious to get married. And I agree with you OP that a child is 1000x more of commitment than marriage. So if I had gotten pregnant you best believe (even as fearful as I was) i would push my ambivlant feelings aside and I would have ran not walked to City Hall. Nothing wrong with having a love child, but clearly thats not what you want.

    I have a Girlfriend who recently has been going thru this same thing. She already has an older child already, but feeling her bio clock ticking she has had baby fever for a while. Her BF for some time and pushing for a baby. She was the one making all the consessions. changing her requirement of marriage, changing her life around to make it work, pushing for them at minium live together if she were to become pregnant. Meanwhile he did nothing IMO to show me that he just as comiitted her, i felt that he was getting everything he wanted and she was getting very little in return. So far she’s called it off.

    If marriage is important to you then he should be working harder with you to get to a better place. Frankly, he doesn’t seem to be doing that. So thats why I voted “I doubt it, but there’s a tiny chance depending on the circumstances”

    Post # 199
    Member
    2396 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I never want to have kids unless I’m married. That’s just my own thing I insist on for me. But if you feel good inside about being life partners and having kids, go for it! Who is anyone else to tell you how to feel or what to do?

    However, make sure if you decide to do it, that you are doing it for the right reasons. If marriage is something that really is important to you, then make it clear that there will be no babies without marriage. Don’t bend your feelings just because you think it might keep him around or you think this is what he wants and it might later lead to marriage. Make sure it is what you are 100% ok with before you do it. If you are ok with it and you feel good about your choice, then what is stopping you? Just make sure in your heart of hearts, it really is what YOU want.

    Post # 200
    Member
    467 posts
    Helper bee

    You say he thinks the ‘piece of paper’ is meaningless.  But if he thinks it is meaningless, why would he object to getting one in order to give you some peace of mind? Call his bluff – if it means nothing, than how come he is so against getting that piece of paper?  There must be some other reason. 

    Children thrive when they have a healthy marriage in their home.  Marriage is different than dating.  It means you are in it forever, not just “boyfriend girlfriend.”

    Frankly, this guy’s opposition to marriage before children is setting off all of my red flag detectors. Something is not right.  DON’T HAVE KIDS UNTIL YOU ARE MARRIED.  You will regret it if you do.

    Post # 201
    Member
    1707 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m wondering what happened with all of this.

    Post # 202
    Member
    78 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    DH and I def. didn’t want kids before we were married. Our reason: We wanted our family to all have the same last name.  This was important for the both of us. Is your SO considering how much marriage means to you? Your lives together need to be about understanding and compromise.

    Post # 203
    Member
    3628 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    @MsBrooklynA: Me too

    OP, hope youre doing OK…

    Post # 205
    Member
    1 posts
    Wannabee

    Just wanted to say, a lot of you are being rude. Just because YOU don’t think it’s right to have kids and not marry, doesn’t mean it can’t fit into the cards for other people. I have a very commited, loving boyfriend and father to my two children. Not only is that love legitimate, and not only are my kids legitimate, but our family is legitimate and happy. Men are different than women. Just because he doesn’t want to get married first, doesn’t mean he won’t ever want to marry. My boyfriend and I have discussed it and frankly it’s not wrong to wait it out. If you truly love each other, a marriage liscense will still exist a couple years from now.

    Post # 206
    Member
    1789 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

    View original reply
    Mum2Bee20:  This thread is 3 years old.. I don’t think any of the original posters will read your reply I’m afraid..

    Post # 207
    Member
    2409 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    View original reply
    MrsYoshida: this. also, the first few pages were pretty respectful so not sure why pp has her hackles up. Bees from three years ago couldn’t know about pp so it’s clearly not personal 

    Tl;dr there’s many good reasons to wait and have kids till marriage especially if it’s important to one partner. Every relationship is different though. 

    Post # 208
    Member
    1638 posts
    Bumble bee

    I voted never, because I did not want to have sex before marriage and I didnt. So…..

    Post # 209
    Member
    8499 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    3. years. old.

    Post # 210
    Member
    353 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    Mum2Bee20:  Lol thank you rude police for bumping a 3 year old thread to tell people what meanies they are.

    Btw the OP updated a year ago, she dumped this guy and is engaged to someone else. Yay happy endings.

    The topic ‘He doesn’t care about getting married, just wants to make babies.’ is closed to new replies.

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