(Closed) He doesn't help

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Go on strike!

Post # 5
Member
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@starrynight:  yep going on strike for a small while would be worth it!!!

Post # 6
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

bump up your housecleaning package to include laundry, hire pro maintenance for the fishtank, source healthy takeout options and make him pay the difference?

Post # 7
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee

A serious conversation is in order!

Post # 8
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That would drive me up the wall. Seek counseling! You are doing waaaay to much. I can’t believe that he doesn’t see how incredibly unfair and selfish that is. It doesn’t sound like he even tries to help out. Is that true? I never understand how partners dont acknowledge what a deal breaker that is. This is day to day living! Can’t imagine going through my life like that!

Post # 9
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

sex?  does he want to have sex?  give him ONE thing (to start with) i.e. cooking one meal.  Even if it’s hamburger helper.  Don’t have sex til he starts doing something!  you can’t expect a lot at once but really one thing to help you is a start.

Post # 10
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I agree; Go on strike! I had to at one point and it did the trick! He had quite the problem when he ran out of underwear and was eating ritz crackers with peanut butter!

Post # 11
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well, depending on how he might react, you have a few options that I’d consider (not all of which are very mature but may be effective…

1. have a serious sit-down conversation with him about your feelings on this issue, how it’s negatively affecting you and hence negatively affecting your feelings for him and your relationship.  One thing I’ve found effective is asking him, “what chores are you going to do?” so that he doesn’t feel like you’re “telling” him what to do.  If this doesn’t work…..

2. consider, as a PP said, bumping up your household maintenance services (if this is affordable to you).

3. tell him that if he’s unwilling to work as partners on this that you will become unwilling as well….wash only your own laundry, make your own meals etc.  Why should you do things for him when he isn’t willing to do things for you?!?

Also….if you plan to have children with him, keep in mind that it will likely only get worse unless some major changes happens NOW.

Post # 13
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

What an asshole, acting like a child. Not only do you need a serious heart-to-heart about this, it might also need to be resolved with counseling if he doesn’t really hear you and make a change.

You’re not his mother, or his maid, or his nanny – you are his partner, his equal in marriage. He has no excuse not to clean up equally and learn to cook some healthy meals. It should bring him joy to do some of this because he cares about you and your needs (and both of your hygiene), not just because you’ve nagged him into doing it.

I absolutely would NOT do the “strike” – it’s passive aggressive and I wouldn’t be able to handle the mess in the meantime, hoping he’d “get it.” 

Post # 14
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I used to have this problem.  Things have gotten waaay better since then.  I had a serious discussion with my fiance (then boyfriend) that he needed to pull his half of the weight.  We divided up the rooms:  he cleans the living room and kitchen.  I clean the bathroom and bedroom.  Granted, his version of clean is different from my version of clean, but at least he’s doing something!  Also, I do most of the cooking, and he does all of the clean-up afterwards.  I haven’t washed dishes in over a year.  Seriously. 

I’d suggest sitting down with your SO, outline what needs to get cleaned and when, and divide the work.

Post # 15
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Aww :0/ .. I’d go with the heart to heart then. Its not fair that its one sided. Its super unfair he doesnt care. If you explained the stress it causes you and how he needs to clean up, would he come through?

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