- Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall
I haven’t read the replies, so don’t know if someone said this
When someone says “I’m sure YOU are the one I want to marry, I just don’t know WHEN.” Usually, means:
1. I don’t know if I’m ready to be married, or if I’ll ever be and I don’t want to tell you, cuz you’ll leave.
2. I don’t know if I’m ready to make that decision, but I don’t want to tell you, cuz you’ll leave. If I never tell you, you’ll stick around.
3. I’m not sure what’s going to happen down the line and I want the option to leave, but I don’t want you going anywhere either.
Of course, people are much more complicated than those 3 reasons, what I mean by them is that the reason is usually something the person who DOES want to get married doesn’t want to hear, so they just go with “I don’t know.” OR it truly is I don’t know, and they haven’t put as much thought to it as you’d think.
On day 1 of my Fiance and I dating I told him I didn’t date to waste my time. I wanted to be someone’s wife someday and dating was a means to find that person, that if at any moment of our relationship one of us didn’t feel like we wanted to get married to the other, we’d walk. Simple. He would have 4 years to find out if I was who he wanted to marry, and vice versa, after, he’d either propose or I’d walk. I was divorced and that past marriage was horrible, abusive and manipulative, so I wanted to experience a GOOD marriage. I wanted to fight over what to eat, and where to put the furniture, not fight over women or cheating, or cry about feeling disgusting because he’d call me horrible names. I wanted a good marriage, so to get to that, I wanted to be a wife. I just had to find the right husband!
He proposed on year 3. Prior to his proposal, we spoke about timeline again, since life changes in 3 years, and he told me “I do want to marry you, but financially we aren’t ready. Couples break up over bills all the time, I don’t want that to be us. Weddings are expensive, and we both want a fancy wedding. I don’t want to compromise on the wedding to avoid debt, we both don’t. I don’t want to get into a hole that will ruin us.” I told him that I didn’t mind being engaged for more than a year, I wasn’t always into traditions anyways lol, to save up for our dream wedding I didn’t mind being engaged for a couple of years, and I guess that’s what he needed to know because he proposed two months later.
People aren’t as dumb as people think. They know why they want or don’t want to do things.