(Closed) He Doesn't Know About Timeline

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 91
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I guess your last paragraph there was directed at me, but I don’t know what to tell you…maybe I’m not understanding your situation very well. “Negating his feelings for your own gain”? No, it shouldn’t feel like that. You guys should both “gain” by him proposing to you. I threw out the cheaper ring suggestion because your post made it sound like his unwillingness to make the “financial investment of a ring” at this time was the main thing holding him back from proposing….but maybe I misunderstood. I just figured that if you let him know you didn’t need a really expensive ring, maybe that would solve that particular issue.

Anyway, you shouldn’t feel like you have to convince someone to propose to you or that you have to “barter” with them. But you also shouldn’t have to do mental gymastics to persuade yourself to respect his reasons for delaying.

Post # 93
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

npoliver :  I would just say that the stress only gets worse from here. I was in a top MBA program, I did my internship in investment banking and now have a job in pe. Now he is in school. If he is in a top 5 program, he’s going to have grade non-disclosure so at least that is off of his plate. Once he gets a job at Goldman or wherever he wants to go, he will be working 80 hours a week at least. I do not see how the stress would get better when he graduated.He will also have more than $125k in student loans to pay off right? I am raising this because i dont want him to give you excuses. What? After he graduates it will be the student loans and trying to make partner at Goldman and his hours that will prevent him from committing right?

I also dont want to put ideas into your head and I am not at all saying that this is what is going on but in MBA programs people date. People show up engaged, they break off engagements, they become engaged to someone else, they get divorced. People party a lot together as students and stuff happens. Just keep your eyes peeled for that BS. 

Post # 95
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

npoliver :  haha not all of us Ivy Leaguers are douchy lol! Ok good well it sounds like you are tuned in. From a woman’s perspective I always felt bad for the wifes/fiances/girlfriends that were left behind by these idiots and kept in the dark. I was concerned that was you. My gosh he is SOOO lucky to have the family pay for his MBA. I paid all of it myself :/ I just dont understand why he’s not trying to lock you down. I am sorry you have to deal with this.

Post # 96
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee

It took a while for me to see it happen, most people who broke up or cheated ectetera did not do so until second semester of the first year or later. It definitely happens but at my program there are a ton of people in commited relationships and it’s the minority that fools around or breaks up.

Also, have to note that in most of these cases it has been the woman in the MBA program who dumped or cheated on her boyfriend. A few guys had their girlfriends at home break up with them because they did not have enough time or focus for them and the guys were devastated. The stereotype of the male MBA student fucking around definitely is not true, at least here. 

Post # 97
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

npoliver :  Wait can I ask why he is under a lot of pressure being an MBA student if he already has a job with his family, no one asks for his grades plus everyone gets A’s and B’s no matter what, and he has no student loans? So what if he doesn’t get the internship that he wants or gets an offer right? He can just work for his family.

Post # 98
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

It sounds like it’s a stressful and emotional time for both of you (for him because of his career, for you because of the engagement issue).

Have you thought about saying something along the lines of, “I want both of us to drop the engagement issue for X months. During those X months, I want you to really do some soul-searching about what an acceptable timeline would be. If by the end of those X months, your answer is still “I don’t know”, I will need to seriously re-evaluate our relationship.”

Then drop the issue and focus on yourself. Go out with girlfriends, get back into hobbies, and do things in general that make you happy.

If he is able to articulate a timeline after those X months, then you can work out a compromise. If after that time frame his answer is still “I don’t know”, I’d walk.

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