Post # 1
Several of you helped me with your experiences with the new guy I’m seeing that has Bipolar.
So things were going great! We were seeing a lot of eachother, laughing, I met some of his friends and he met my brother and his wife. All was going well…..
Then a week ago I see a text on his phone from an ex girlfriend. He said it was harmless and was texts about her uncle who was in the hospital. LIE. It ended up being emotional cheating as he and her were flirting and she was bashing me and he wasn’t standing up for me. I told him he cuts all contact with her and blocks her on everything. He was 100% willing and did it.
Then a day or two after this, the bomb dropped and now all of a sudden he isn’t sure what he wants. Mind you, we have been exclusive for about 1.5 months at this point (dating for 2). He said that if he ever had the inkling to cheat, he would evaluate the relationship.
He says it’s not me and that he is in a good place in his life for the first time in a long time and isn’t sure what he wants.
His history is at 17 he met his ex wife in highschool, married, 15 years later divorce and didn’t date anyone for 5 years. Then that ex – they were a weird couple and not really official or dating. Anyway, I’d be the 2nd relationship he’s ever been in.
He wants to not have to worry about lines and boundaries if he’s out and some chick hits on him and they engage conversation. He doesn’t want to worry about drawing that line.
I gave him space for the entire weekend to think and figure things out. He was supposed to come over last night but instead he went out to a bar and drank while I sat waiting and calling and texting until he finally picked up.
Every part of me says run but I also see that the 2 months of how we get along was great and then I’m wondering if this erratic behavior can have anything to do with his Bipolar? But even that, that shouldn’t be an excuse right? I think I need a swift kick in my arse and say I’m done with this.
Post # 2
Get out while you’ve only wasted two months on this guy who has no difficulty flirting with other women and lying to your face. Don’t sit around waiting for someone who isn’t sure if he even wants anything to do with you. Dump him and block him.
Post # 3
I think that at this point you need to listen to what he’s telling you. Why do you want to be with someone you have to convince? It may be his bipolar talking, but this early on I think you accept he’s clearly not in a place for the kind of relationship you want and cut your losses.
Post # 4
sweetdee89 : He’s treating you like shit and you sound a bit desperate bee, walk away- he’s literally telling you he wants to be able to be with other women… have more respect for yourself. You deserve better.
Post # 5
2 months? Good riddance. No point letting yourself get in any deeper with this guy who’s shown that he’s not serious.
Post # 6
He’s not sure what he wants? Fine. Let him dick around on his own time and figure it out, because clearly what he wants isn’t you.
Funny how all of a sudden he “doesn’t know what he wants” after you catch him emotionally cheating with an ex.
Post # 7
sweetdee89 : the whole thing that people say of it shouldn’t be this hard is so true. You’re 2 months in and he’s already messing you around. And I want to be clear, do not let anyone away with screwing you over because they’re ‘not well’. You can be not well and not screw people over.
Don’t excuse this behaviour for him.
You have been so open minded and wanted so much to learn about his condition so you could come at the relationship from the best possible place. You deserve so much more than this. There will be a guy who values your kindness and will return it to you tenfold.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA
Nope, nope, NOPE. Run for the hills and find you someone who is not only excited to commit to you, but actually able to do so. Don’t let this guy keep you on his hook. He’s trash.
Post # 9
No one is worth this much effort and energy two months in. Definitely not someone who already comes with a whole lot of complicated baggage.
Cut your losses and get out before you get pulled any deeper into his messiness.
Post # 10
beethree : Agree
sweetdee89 : From what I know of you – youre a smart, kind, and compassionate girl. You deserve someone who is 100% IN with you.
When I dated and was single for 7 years I wondered if I was too picky or if I should “Settle”… but Im so glad I didnt. The right one will walk through fire for you. Dont settle for anyone who isnt 100% “Hell yes” about being with you. You deserve and will find the one who is!
Post # 11
Two months is nothing. Anyone can play nice and act good for 2 months. Bail now, please, for your sake.
Post # 12
This is way too soon to have this many doubts and problems. Dump him.
Post # 13
I am sorry, Bee. You certainly don’t deserve any of this.
Please don’t call/text him anymore. You are much too high value to be chasing the likes of that fool.
Post # 14
That’s a this dude problem, not a bipolar problem. Mental illness does not make you lie or do emotional cheating. He’s clearly not ready to make up his mind about anything and you deserve to be treated so much better by someone who is certain that you are worth the investment.
Post # 15
Bee, I’m going to be super blunt- 99 times out of 100, “I’m not sure what I want” means “I don’t want [insert whatever you want him to want- in this case, a relationship with you], but I don’t want to alienate you completely in case you can still serve some purpose for me” or “I don’t want a big dramatic reaction from you that I’ll have to deal with and feel like an asshole so I will act like I’m still somewhat invested and hope you get the hint on your own”.
Believe me, I am expert on being rejected :). The above comes from some very hard learned experience. Best case scenario- Guys think they’re being nice by saying something like “I don’t know what I want” because “I know I don’t want to be with you” sounds too harsh, even if it’s the truth.That’s their chicken shit attempt to let you down easily.
Worst case? They fully intend to string you along so they can still get something from you.
Either way, this relationship is over. It would be nice if he would have the balls to tell you that more directly, but make no mistake, this is what it is.