(Closed) He doesn't think anything's wrong

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@starrynight:   What specifically do you feel is wrong with your marriage?

Post # 4
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@starrynight Based on the little that you have posted I would suggest individual counselling for you plus marriage counselling for both of you.  You also need to seek out professional help for the depression to address root cause(s) and get meds if you need them.

Hugs! Depression sucks, I hope whatever it is you two are able to work it out.  Good Luck!

Post # 5
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Is this just a case of the creepies or has your guy unplugged from you somehow?

Post # 6
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@starrynight:  Been there, but eventually Darling Husband recognized how rock-bottom I’d become when I refused to even leave the house. He encouraged me to go back to my trusty counselor, and things have been looking up.

Post # 8
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@starrynight:  You know, that contract he signed said for better or for worse…and just because he doesn’t get it, does not excuse him from actively participating in the solution.  You made a lot of changes and sacrifices on his behalf for the benefit of your marriage and it is his turn!  However, men like lists, they like solving problems and they like feeling empowered. 

The good news is that you already know what’s bothering you, and if you came to your hubby with this list, would he be able to help put together some solutions to these problems that the two of you can work on together?

Post # 9
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@starrynight:   You are very unhappy, but nobody can change your life except you.

If he doesn’t want to go to counseling with you, go by yourself.  A good counselor will help you get some perspective and direction in your life. 

You don’t have to stay married.  Divorce can be a good thing (I’ve been there).  Life is too short to waste too much more of your time being so miserable.

Make a plan for self-improvement and stick with it.  Nobody can do this for you – you have to do it for yourself.  Believe in yourself – you can do this.  There is a lot brewing around inside you, and the time for action is NOW.

Post # 10
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Nona99 I like the way you think.

@starrynight  You two are a team now, you are married. Does he have friends? Do they have wives/girlfriends that you can be friends with? Are there activities that you and your husband can do together, even if its something new you are both trying for the first time, explore the new area, possibly develop a hobby of some sort together? Maybe this is also an opportunity for you to do a few things on your own, things you have wanted to try or hobbies you have wanted to try but couldnt because of being too busy in the past and now you have all this extra time on your hands. Also maybe you can arrange visits for you and friends and family, you go see them or they come see you. Skyping is another option to actively keep in touch with all those you’ve left behind.  Hopefully in time you can develop new friendships where you guys are now located.  I hope you two are able to find a solution to this lifestyle change because we all deserve to be happy no matter where we are.  Good luck with everything!

Post # 12
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@starrynight:  No matter what, in a marriage, both parties are 50% responsible for it, awesome or not….is it possible that your Hubby feels like you begging him to counseling is you trying to blame him for all of your problems?  I feel terribly, but it’s not your husband’s job to find friends for you….if you have trouble relating to the people around you, perhaps you’ve got more going on inside that your aware of….and you say that you feel isolated and alone….I feel very strongly that a lot of your problem is perception.

You might want to do some counseling on your own, and do some work on yourself, you left a lot of your life behind for this man, maybe you resent him for that?  The religion issue with his family is only as big as you make it, he married you didn’t he? 

Try to find some fun in your life, a hobby, a good book, hell, even a swim in the tub can transform a crappy day into a good one….start small and find your smile, it’s somewhere in Texas, I’ll bet

Post # 13
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@starrynight:  hello! im just across the border from you in monterrey. i hear you about drastic lifestyle changes – i  moved to be with my boyfriend (now fiance) from london to mexico, and its taken 2 years before ive begun to feel anything near comfortable with my new life.

have you literally moved somewhere new? its tough, especially when you dotn have friends. i stil pretty much only have the wives/girlfriends of my fi’s friends, and id love a few people that were “my” friends (as opposed to people who talk to me because im with him). so being friendless is tough, i 100% get it

you could try counselling, but i think once you have friends and have settled in maybe everything will improve. other than the military wives who dont seem to approve of you working. what other disparaging comments have people made?! at church, volunteering etc

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