Post # 1
So I have three friends I would really like as bridesmaids. I want to share the fun of being a bride with them, since I’m the first of us to get married. But he really doesn’t want us to have attendants. This is because two of his friends got married in quick succession and didn’t choose him as a groomsman, and he also doesn’t feel comfortable singling people out and elevating them above the rest in the bridal party.
I decided to have a small mehendi two days before the wedding and invite these girls to that, along with my Future Mother-In-Law, a couple of her close friends, and my mom and her close friends. We will say a few words about how awesome they are while getting our hands done and I’ll give them gifts.
I am having ushers and a flower girl or girls. My brother will hopefully stand up with us and my FH’s cousin may stand up also, but they won’t be planning other events or anything.
So my question is: If you were one of these three girls, would you be upset? Would you come two days early to attend this mehendi party?
Should I pursue the issue with FH? I’m sad, any suggestions or help you can give would be much appreciated!
Post # 3
Why can’t you have attendants? There’s nothing wrong with you having bridesmaids if he doesn’t want groomsmen…
Post # 4
In my OCD opinion I am crazy for symmetry. However if YOU are ok with it being unbalanced then I do see the problem. I would suggest family to fill in gaps that you may have though if that balance is important to you. We discussed how many Bridesmaid or Best Man we wanted prior to asking anyone. I could not ask one friend without asking my other and I didnt want 4 Bridesmaid or Best Man. We settles on 3 each. instead of choosing between my friends I asked a close cousin to stand with us. I personal would love to come early for the mehendi party however, it is asking a lot of people. Is there a way to make it only 1 day before?
Post # 5
If I was close enough to you that you would consider me as a Bridesmaid or Best Man (if you were having them), I would have no problem coming 2 days early to attend the mehendi party. I would explain your situation to the girls, that you would love to have them be a part of your wedding but have chosen to not have any attendants. Because of this you would like to share a special day with them before the wedding (the mehendi party).
Post # 6
I agree with babyboo.. Even if you don’t want them as technical “bridesmaids,” they’re still obviously friends of yours and will probably want to be a part of your wedding regardless of what capacity it is in.
Post # 7
Thank you for all the support and ideas!
I should probably clarify: I am ok with the asymmetry, but the trouble is that his friends know my friends (we all went to college together), and he is afraid his friends’ feelings will be hurt if he doesn’t ask any of them to be groomsmen and I do ask the ladies to stand with me. I don’t want to push the issue too much, since it’s his wedding, too — more so than the would-be BMs.
I will see if he would do my family as his men opposite my girls.
Sadly, the mehendi needs to dry before we can use our hands. It might not work the day before: we’d have mehendi in the morning, wait for it to dry, go do the rehearsal, decorate the church, and then go to our welcome/rehearsal dinner. If it smudged, they (and I) would be stuck with red stains for a week.
They will be flying to CA from the East Coast, so it probably would be hard for them to get two days off; but they might be done with the semester (all students) by then.
— Have a bridal lunch the day before (instead of 2 days before) and not make it mehendi; probably the easiest option
— Have them come over for dessert after the welcome dinner on Fri
— Invite them to come get ready with me the morning of the wedding
I feel like there *is* a solution and I’m just not seeing it!
Post # 8
I think all of those ideas sound good but honestly, I would talk to my friends and see what they want to/are able to do. If it was one of my oldest friends getting married, I would definitely try to make time to attend all the events she asked me too. My best friend is of Indian descent and I can’t wait to be a part of her mehendi and all of the other events having to do with a culture that is different from my own. Let them know what is going on, tell them you want them to be a part of your special day, and decide together what will work for all of you.
Post # 9
My best friend got married in June and didn’t have any attendants. I still did all the things I would have done if I were a bridesmaid—her hair, her nails, going shopping with her, etc. Your friends are your friends whether they’re wearing matching dresses or not. I was happy to help any way I could and I’m sure your friends will be too.
Post # 10
What if you do the mehendi party with them, have them get similar/coordinating dresses, proceed down the aisle before you and then sit in the front row instead of standing up?
You still get bridesmaids, but it isn’t as glaringly “uneven” up front – or do you think that would still be too much for his friends?
Post # 11
I would try to find three guys in your family to stand up with him. Also, if your friends re truly friends they will understand if your Fiance picks some and not others. Just as your Fiance should understand that his friends didn’t pick him as a groomsman and that’s okay.
If that’s not the end of the semester I would guess your friends wouldn’t be able to make it early. In that case any of the options you suggest sound good – and definitely have them hang out with you the morning of the wedding since you’ll go crazy otherwise. If it’s after the semester is over I’m sure they’d love to celebrate with you a couple of days early.
Post # 12
Thank you so much, Bees! I’ve talked it over with him and he really doesn’t want people walking down the aisle and standing in front with us. So I am going to email my friends and ask whether they can come for a mehendi, the rehearsal dinner, or get ready with me in the morning. BUT I may also give them saris to wear so they ‘match’ but are not too bridesmaid-y for his taste, and then have them float around as hostess-types who know what’s happening when.
I really appreciate all this support and your ideas! Sending lots of happy wedding wishes your way!