He doesn't want kids

posted 3 months ago in Babies
Post # 31
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I know several men who had their first child after 40! One just this year at 41, he always wanted kids but never found the right woman. She never wanted kids till she met him and was nervous and scared because it had never been in her life plan, but she wanted a family with him and they are adorable. 

The right person for you is out there! The way he dropped the no kids bomb and telling you he has issues with your sex life.. seems like he is intentionally destroying your relationship. I have friends who were nervous and scared to be parents, but it’s something they talked about with their SO and faced together not an I decided on my own bomb. 

If you met the right person. You could meet next month, be engaged in 5 months and be married in a year and get pregnant. The idea that it will take 3-5 years isn’t necessarily realistic. 

Post # 32
Hostess
8542 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

I’m so sorry bee.. This would be a deal breaker for me too. 

Post # 33
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

elodie2019 :  Engaged in 5 months? Granted, I’m young-ish, but that seems rather early, since you’re still in the honeymoon phase then. Instead of trying to rush a marriage and family with a new partner, she can always go to a sperm bank. Being a single mom (if you have a supportive family or can afford childcare) at least means not having to rely on a partner you don’t know well. 

Post # 34
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee

You are a better person that I am OP. If it was revealed to me after less than a year of marriage that sex was a chore and kids are off the menu, I would be spitting tacks. But that is me. Sure, people change their minds and yes, therapy is an option to see where this is coming from but still…..

Sperm banks and freezing eggs would be certainly on my radar. I would also be concerned if there were any other bombshells from him on the horizon.

I wish you well. This is a lot to process.

 

Post # 35
Member
2477 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Can’t relate but sending hugs and positivity your way.  It’s one thing to change your mind before marriage but totally different once that person has committed their life to you. This is tough bee.

Post # 36
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

I would not waste one more second of your time with him if kids is what you truly want. In fact,  I would divorce him and try to become a parent on my own.

Post # 37
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I’m not saying rush anything for the sake of having a baby. I’m saying sometimes when you meet the right person you just know! When you know, you know! 

It doesn’t happen with everyone but it can! 

moissamight :  

Post # 38
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee

My ex-husband said this to me, as well, and it turned out it had a lot more to do with him than anything else. He had gotten very depressed and was not happy with himself. He told me after some reflection that he did not want kids because he felt like he couldn’t take care of himself, so how could he in good faith bring another human into this world. Counseling is a great step to learn more about why he feels this way, but ultimately, if it’s just that he failed to be honest with you about his feelings on the subject prior to marriage, then you will need to choose if this is a make or break situation. 

Post # 39
Member
908 posts
Busy bee

I’m so sorry you are going through this bee. 

This is just a general question because I see a lot of people recommending it. Has anyone ever froze their eggs? How easy can this be done? Is it covered by insurance? Is it really a financially viable option? I am just curious. I don’t know anyone who has done the procedure. 

Post # 40
Member
9435 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

everythingpink :  I haven’t done it but no, I don’t think it’s a cheap or easy process. I would assume you have to inject yourself with hormones like you would for IVF, and then have a retrieval which is certainly no picnic either.

Honestly I think OP would be better off divorcing this guy and either looking into adoption or using donor semen. 

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