(Closed) He doesn’t want me anymore..

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Ka393:  I’m sorry…this sounds awful.

For you: you sound depressed.  Getting married and moving to a new state is an awful lot of emotional/physical changes in a short period of time.  Combine that with trying to find work and you’ve got a problem.  I’ve been there…and totally understand the feeling of not wanting to get up in the morning.  Your flashes of anger can also be signs of depression.  Whether or not you are actually depressed, allow yourself to deal with the emotions of all the changes you’re going through.  We’re conditioned to to believe that after the wedding, things are all roses and happy times and sometimes they are not.  And that’s okay.  

If you think that you are depressed, you really need to get some help dealing with this.  Some of the home remedies are: going for a walk- get daily exercise- make sure that you are eating right and try to do things that you love.  Sometimes the simplest things (making dinner or calling a friend) can make you feel a lot better. That can be easier said than done, however, when you’re having a difficult time getting out of bed.  Do you have a doctor or a clinic that you can go and see about getting some outside help?

Your husband sounds super frustrated…which is understandable, but not particularly kind.  I get him being pissed about you missing the interviews and being emotionally out of it, but he should also be trying to be supportive of you and all the changes that you’ve made.  I would sit him down tonight and tell him how you been feeling (lonely, missing family, etc) and that you know that you’ve been taking it out on him.  I would ask him if he meant what he said (it is NOT cool for him to threaten this kind of stuff…especially over text?!?  That’s just mean).  This is something that you guys should work on together.

I am sincerely sorry that you’re going through this.  There are things that you can do today to get yourself feeling better….all is not lost; I promise.

Post # 4
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@ArwenBride: Very well said. I really don’t have much to add. Just want to second that what you’re describing sounds like depression. I understand the frustration your husband must be feeling. I bet you two can work this out. You just need to be actively seeking help for this depression.

Post # 5
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

Ok you are prob not going to like that i say this.. but if you know that you are the problem (or feel like you are because to me, it is always both people at fault) in your relationship.. why don’t you do something about it? Seriously, if my Fiance was looking for work and skipped not 1 but 2 job interviews because he “couldn’t get out of bed” I would be PISSED. You do sound depressed and maybe you need some medication… you are going through a lot right now… the move.. the change.. and not to mention that you are in the depression season with the lack of vitamin D from the sun so it makes sense why you have the blues.. but it doesnt make sense that you know that you are down and don’t do anything about it. You need to be proactive to get yourself out of this rutt. My advice to you would be to get a gym membership.. start working out.. pay attention to your eating habbits..and make sure you ear balanced meals.. find some kind of hobby.. and call up the companies you had interviews with.. and BEG to get another one. Go to the interviews and get a job. Show your Darling Husband all the reasons he married you are still there and that even if he doesn’t want to be with you, there are many others that will. With all of this said, it def doesn’t excuse your Darling Husband not being there for you. 

Post # 6
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@MrsNeutrino:  EVERYTHING SHE SAID

 

You can’t blame him for how he feels. You sound like you are suffering from some serious depression….but you need to seek professional help. If he cant depend on you to get out of bed to go to job interveiws how can he depend of you to raise his children…or anything like that. Im sorry…im not trying to be mean however….your reality if that you either need to get it together or lose your marriage.

I”m sorry your going through this but it’s time you put on your big girl panties and seek some help.

Post # 7
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MrsNeutrino: For a person with depression it is very difficult to just pull yourself out of a rut. Doing anything at all can be almost impossible. What she really doesn’t need to hear is somebody telling her to just be strong enough to get over it. That will only make her feel bad about herself. 

 

@Ka393:  Go to the doctor about your depression. Get tests done to see whether there might be a physical cause. Even if there isn’t a physical cause, get treatment. You are sick and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. 

I’m so sorry that your husband isn’t giving you the support that you deserve in this. He sounds like he doesn’t understand.  

Post # 8
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee

@Ka393: Hi sweetie, I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this.  I think your hubby has a right to be mad, but he shouldn’t have said what he said to you over text message.  That’s immature and inconsiderate.  I do have to agree with MrsNeutrino  though.  It sounds like you may be dealing with some serious depression issues if you can’t get out of bed to make job interviews.  I think you should try to seek some professional counseling or speak to a close friend/family member who can give you some good advice.  

Post # 9
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

In addition to what @MrsNeutrino: said, which I wholeheartedly agree. 

Ka393, I have read many of your previous posts. even before you got married, you posted all this stuff about not knowing if you wanted to go through it. after that, you have started a bunch of threads about regretting getting married. 

based on all these posts, I really do believe you are depressed. 

here’s a little tough love: you have started so many threads about how unhappy you are.  DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT ALREADY. I don’t want to be harsh, it’s just that you sound so sad and it sounds like you really need help.  plus, if your SO is really as cruel as you make him out to be, move back to your home town and surround yourself with supportive friends and family.  above all, get some professional counseling!

Post # 11
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@ThePrincessMaggie: Thanks. My heart is breaking for Ka393 right now, thinking about how some of these posts must be making her feel. 

Post # 12
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You have said in the past, “I feel like my life has no meaning and there is nothing really to look forward to.”  This is the statement of someone with depression, and in the past the bees have told you to get professional help.  Now this is the third post of this nature and really you MUST seek professional help.  

Post # 13
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m so sorry you are in this situation. It does sound like you need help, so please try to find a doctor you can talk to. If you are truly depressed, it is not your fault that you can’t get out of bed and make it to interviews. This is a serious medical issue. 

While you need to take care of yourself, your husband needs to support you, and it doesn’t sound like he has. Part of you getting married and moving somwhere where you don’t know anyone is trusting that he is there to take care of you. You need to sit down and talk with him, because he needs to change, too. Yes, you might be in a rut, you might be crabby with him, and you might have missed a couple job interviews. But, he is still an adult who promised to spend the rest of his life loving you – which includes weathering some storms with you. This is not just your fault. 

It has to be so hard for you to adjust to your new married life without any of your family or friends around. Hang in there, and I hope you feel better. 

Post # 14
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Lemma: Agreed, fully. I went through a nasty bout of depression when I was 18 and sometimes even trying to get dressed would end up with me in tears, in bed, unable to face the world. It’s hard to understand unless you’ve been there, but depression is just like any other sickness. You wouldn’t tell someone to buck up and get over their diabetes, or grow up and deal with their cancer already.

To the OP: I urge you to see a doctor, as soon as you can. Sometimes it helps to tell a trusted friend that you think you’re struggling with depression because they will help you get up and out of bed and to the doctor. I had a friend waiting at the doctor to make sure I got there and went in, when I finally sought help. Whatever a medical practitioner suggests and you agree to, it will help, infinitely, if you are suffering from depression.

As for your husband, I understand that it’s hard to deal with someone who is depressed. I have been the strong person when another has been suffering, and it can be demoralizing because all you see is someone who is sick, and sad, and listless, and not the person that you know. But someone has to be strong to help you along until you’re up on your feet, and your husband can and should be that person — in sickness and in health, right?

Post # 15
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsStrawberry24: Absolutely agreed.  Yes, you sound like you have a serious bout of depression and yes, you need help.  BUT, you can’t expect someone else to get help for you.  You have to seek out a counselor or doctor to get the help you need.  A marriage can’t work if neither of you is going to make an effort here, so I think both parties are equally responsible for the direction this is headed in. 

I moved from the San Diego area to Seattle to move in with my Fiance.  I had no friends here or family, and you can imagine the climate change was quite a shock.  The constant rain sucks.  But I worked my ass off to get a job ASAP and started asking other girls to hang out (plus started developing friendships with FI’s coworkers girlfriends and wives).  I bought a treadmill and workout videos, and we got a dog.  I have days where I feel down and don’t want to get out of bed because it’s so friggin dreary outside, but I turn on the lights, put on a coat, and take the dog out for a walk.  After that I’m able to face the day and it’s not so bad after all.  Take charge of your life!

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