- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
I need a shoulder to cry on, and someone to rant to.
I give my fiance one thing, he wanted to elope. However, I told him having a wedding was important to me, and I actually told him this before we were ever dating. I want a celebration to say “we love eachother, lets celebrate with those who love us.” Nothing serious, nothing pretentious, just a light hearted celebration of our love. He knew this.
Now, I’m well into wedding planning. I have 2 months to go, and things are in full swing, I have about 10 DIY projects mid completion, and am loving every bit of trying to get everythign unique and wonderful and a beautiful show of our love together. My mom is being lots of help, and since i’ve moved so much, it’s really all family helping me, all my friends are all over the world. Now, I’ve had my stressful moments, my DIY invitations might have been too much work for anyone else, but I loved it, and think it shows how heartfelt this event is. My bridesmaid dress picking out debacles, had him calling for me to fire my sister. All sorted now.
But, we have been apart for all but 3 months in 2011. Most of the wedding stuff has fallen, happily, on my lap in the US. I’ve discussed everythign with him on webcam, and usually it’s a “I trust your opinion.” I am with him overseas this month. I was hoping to use this time to get some things agreed upon in person. And all he says is “you spend too much time planning.” “This is a waste of your time.” “Why do you have to plan this?” “Don’t worry about it.”
For instance, his 12 yr old son is in the ceremony. I was like “why don’t we use this studiosuits thing I found online to get suits made. They have great reviews. And can make us a kids suit to match.” (Thanks bees for the guidance) And he is like “don’t worry about it, we’ll buy something when my son and I get to the states.” (BTW: That’s 6 days before the wedding.) I’m like “nah, I think that will be really hard, especially to match your 1 groomsman and a kid”, and he is like “don’t worry. All will be fine.” I’m like “we are in a small town, there are no suit shops”, he is like “we’ll get one on the way back from the airport.” Really? Buy a suit in an hour on the way back from the airport after a 20 hours international flight. I’m going to be stressed this isn’t going to work out; until the moment they appear with suits. I mean hopefully appear with suits.
Another example, I’m planning the music, and he is like “why are you wasting your time listening to all these songs, didn’t you hire a DJ, let him do it” and I’m like “we need to find out what we want during the ceremony and what we want during the reception” and he is like “yah, you hired a guy” and i’m like “a guy from my small town, we will end up with crying country if i don’t tell him what i want.” He says, “well that seems like alot of effort. When we could just ask him to play something not country.” He doesn’t understand. He definitely doesn’t understand that I want to pick something to walk down teh aisle to, and for the bridesmaids to walk down the aisle too.
Another example, he and I both agreed we didn’t want a religious ceremony, from the very beginning. But we still haven’t found an officiant, so might be going the friend getting legal route. So, I’ve started ceremony research, and started saving drafts of other peoples readings and ceremony content. Which I find really motivational this whole ceremony planning thing, it’s such a personal touch, I love it. I sent him some stuff and he says “can’t someone else do this work.” And I said “no, not really, b/c we don’t have anyone else, and I would like it to be about us and our love.” He says “doesn’t the officiant decide these things.” I say “well since we dont have one, not really” He says, “dont worry about it, it will all get sorted” Really bees, who is giong to sort it. If I don’t. p.s. he also said don’t worry about the officiant 5 months ago. 2 months to go, no officiant, but i guess “it will get sorted”
And for someone who thinks everything is going to be sorted and that nothing needs planned, I was totally dumbfounded when he got pissed when I got a Day-Of-Coordinator, for our outdoor, no facility, at a loaned vacation home wedding. He said “why do we need that?” I say “to make sure everything moves smoothly, that someone is there to make sure the vendors know what to do, where to set up, what we want, someone to make sure we reemember to sit down for dinner, and to make sure we remember there is cake to eat and to just make sure things go smoothly.” And he says, “that’s the dumbest thing i have ever heard of, it will all work out, dont worry about it”. I’m like “but who is going to tell us it’s time for dinner, or it’s time to tell the DJ to switch to dance music, and or remind us in all the fun to toss the bouquet, who is going to make sure if anything goes wrong you and i and our parents are oblivious.” he is like “what can go wrong?”
Am I being silly? Should I want him to care more, eventhough he told me he wanted to elope? How do I make him want to participate in this so it’s “our” wedding not just “my” wedding?
Today, I’m like can you give me 25 minutes to talk about wedding and nothing else, no TV, no work, no computer and no phone. We spoke about registry, one thing we agree on, then got in a fight, b/c i showed “i was worrying too much.” And he showed that he thinks “everything will be ok.” Which pissed me off. 6 minutes into my 25 minutes.