(Closed) he doesn’t want to talk about it

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ahh, my Fiance went through stages of this too – completely normal. I never realised until after the proposal just how much pressure he thought he would be under to get everything “right” including the engagement ring, the proposal and how to do it, and what I would think.

Just saying, perhaps this is a sign that maybe he has planned more than you think, and it might just be his way of saying “I’m doing my best, have things planned, don’t want to ruin it with more ideas”

It’s hard, but give him a good break from engagement talk, I know my Fiance really got fed of me talking about engagements on the day he proposed (yes unshamefully I kept hinting about getting engaged over Christmas), and he was planning the whole time to ask later that day, so just needed my silence to focus, haha.

Hope is never lost, hope you had a lovely Christmas regardless x

Post # 5
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My SO did this too when he wasn’t ready at all to even think about the subject of marriage (not saying this is the same for you, just how it turned out for me). Has he indicated in other ways that he’s thinking about it? 

Post # 6
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

Yeah, my husband said this for years. haha No really, years. From year three to year five, we had the talk that resulted in that response. It was SO frustrating. My Darling Husband had his reasons for waiting (and they were good reasons). My constant talking about it (okay, i was nagging) didn’t help or change anything. 

And the most important thing was that he always wanted to marry me. if your Boyfriend or Best Friend says he wants to spend his life with you, trust that and be patient.

Post # 7
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My first husband once told me that he specifically waited until I had STOPPED mentioning it before he proposed.  It would have been nice if he’d told me ahead of time so I would shut my mouth (and I wasn’t even that bad, all things considered, LOL).  So maybe it could be that he wants to just do it his way?  It is extremely frustrating, I can completely empathize!  Try your best to be patient and it’ll be worth the wait 🙂

Post # 9
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Well that’s a good sign he brought it up today isn’t it?  I think sometimes men don’t realize how important this step is in our lives.  Hang in there. 🙂  Good luck. *hugs*

Post # 10
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

I can relate- I got the “please don’t pressure me!” response this summer- when I brought it up for the first time 4+ years into our relationship! Undecided  But 6 months later, we are on the same page.

So hang in there, I know it’s not easy.  What did he say today?

Post # 11
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

haha waiting IS evil. 

My friend was nagging her Darling Husband for like a year and looking at rings and showing him rings etc.  Finally she stopped and he did it 2 months later!! He said he would have done it earlier if she stopped bugging him!

I have been bothering my SO a bit lately. OK quite i bit!! Why? Because i had no clarification he was doing anything or thinking about it or WANTED it for sure! He thought i wanted a set time line so he said “20 days from now” (which is when we go on holiday…maybe he was being honest? AH i cant focus on that lol). So i said to him yesterday “I just want confidence that you 1. Are ready to get married 2. Are wanting to marry ME and 3. Are planning a proposal.” He said “Yes, Yes and Yes. But i want to not feel pressured and i want it to be a surpise so i’m not going to talk about it!”

So that made sense. And now i’m not stressed and i dont think i’ll bring it up again until it happens.  So i think discussing it with him and having him tell you that YES he wants to marry you and YES is planning something will help you alot. We all just want to hear out of their mouth that they are planning something. 

 

Post # 13
Member
16 posts
Newbee

@Waterfall:

That is the worse part about waiting isn’t it – the feelings of doubt and worry that creep into your head.  I feel the same way, there is this sense of “Why don’t you want to do this sooner – are you waiting for a better offer?  If you don’t know I’m the one by now, then I’m probably not”.  I thought about proposing too, and I’ve joked about it, but if I did I know I’d always resent him for it.  It would take the romance out of the situation for sure.  Feeling your pain!  Hang in there!  And venting is so important, I find if I don’t vent to other people, then I end up becoming a crazy nagging girlfriend, and who wants to propose to that 🙂 

Post # 14
Member
515 posts
Busy bee

My Fiance didn’t want to talk about it either. It honestly pissed him off. He gave me a timeline in November 2011 of 2 to 5 more years. We’ve already been together for 4.5 years so I was like UM WHAT? Long story short: we’re both military, I got stationed overseas, and we only had a week together before I had to leave in December 2011. He proposed the night before my last day in the states. According to him, it just hit him that marrying me is what he wanted. He hadn’t planned to do it. I mean, a month before, he had said it would be years from now. And here we are, engaged. He’s excited about it and interested in all the planning.

It sucks that your SO doesn’t want to talk about it, but he may just be one of those guys who it just ‘hits’ suddenly.

 

Post # 15
Member
556 posts
Busy bee

@Waterfall: 5 years is a long time to be dating! are you guys young?

you should definitely give him a timeline so he knows what’s expected of him. most men can date forever……

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