(Closed) He doesn’t want to tell his parents we are getting engaged!!!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Yikes. Well I would just give him a little time.  He wants to marry you.  Just give him a chance to work up to telling his parents.  Patience is a virtue.  Also, I know it sounds corny, but honey usually works.  Don’t argue about it.  I bet the more understanding you are the more he will want to make you happy.

Post # 5
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I wish you the best of luck! I hope you learn from this though, because there is a good chance they wont be too fond of you after marriage, and you need to keep your head up and show them youre a great girl!

I’m not saying he is doing the right thing by taking so long to tell his parents, but he’s trying to be a little respectful in his eyes and he’s aware of their feelings. This is a good trait in a man to marry.

Post # 6
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree, just be patient.  But, i also think that maybe his family wont take it quite like you guys think.  I was scared to tell my family for similar reasons, and they ended up being very exited and opened up much more than i have seen them in years.

 

good luck!

 

 

Post # 7
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I agree with the others that dealing with your fiance with kindness and patience is a good idea.

However, make sure that this is not the beginning of a pattern- in other words, it could be problematic in your marriage if he has a hard time standing up to his parents, etc.

Post # 8
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2011

i totally disagree with the other posters.  Is your boyfriend a man or a little boy? If he is a man than he will tell his parents he is in love and wants to marry you.  If he can be talked out of it by them than he is not ready to marry you, or anyone!  When a guy is IN LOVE there is no holding him back and he would certainly shout it to the world.  This guy is wasting your time.  GET OUT now.

Post # 9
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

Here’s what I’m thinking.

I feel he doesn’t want to approach his folks with your 50,000 debt in the wings.  Can you live off his income for a year or year and a half and pay off those bills so when he goes to his folks sayng he wants to marry you, you are debt free?  That might be a good compromise to wait for the ring until then.  If youget it now, it’s not fair to you because you can’t face book your joy.

You can also agree to sign a pre nup condiitonal while you do not have kids.  Once you have kids however, the pre nup would be null and void.  That way, they won’t think you’re after his money.

You want to enter the marriage on good footing.

On the other hand, I don’t know him.  Could he be stringing you along while the girl next door with pearls and a pedigree is waiting?  It’s not the first time men two time.

Is there a religion difference which will send them over the edge?

Are they afraid if you live together you may get pregnant and then he will have to marry you?  They don’t realize you can get pregnant not living together, but that may be their argument. 

Maybe you and he can send out ‘change of address’ notes which will read Jack and Jill have moved!  They will get the picture.  Then he can say before he mails them out to his folks, “Jill and I are moving into together to see if we are compatable as a step toward getting married someday.  Nothing’s definite, dad but we thought you would feel better with us having a trial living period.   We’ve been sleeping with each other a year now, and I want to take the relationship to the next level and move in together.  We’re very careful about contraceptives so don’t worry.”  That way they are not shocked and ease into the idea.

Look at yourself in the mirror.  Do you fit in with mommy dearest?  Or do you need to get a hair cut, aTalbot’s outfit and a strand of pearls?   I don’t mean to question your appearance or style, but when I was dating he took me to meet the family.  His relatives all hung around in fancy night clothes and came to the breakfast table in silk robes.  We weren’t allowed to ‘lolly’ around in PJ’s all day; we were ‘workin’ folk’ and if we did that people would have called us ‘lazy son of guns’.  But with his family it was the ‘thing to do.’  I showed up in jeans and a nice top for breakfast and I looked like the help on their day off.  That’s what I mean.

I would give him one more year to work things out with his dad.  After that, it’s ‘hit the road, Jack!” 

What he probably likes about you and your family is that he never had that kind of coziness and that is what he is missing in his life.  He needs to begin the stages of working on his dad before he gives you a ring.  You don’t want to end up breaking up with him, and then having wasted that once in a life time experience of being proposed to on someone who is no longer in your life.   You might even tell him that; and he maybe should tell his dad that.  You are not after anything; and, you need to get that on table from the get go.

It’s not the ring you want; it’s the man.  Tell him the ring can wait.  But you won’t stand in the wings forever.

Keep in touch and let us know how it’s going…. Best of luck…

 

Post # 10
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

oh hell no!!  if not much involvement; then no worries on your end aye??  change the perspective on it.  ask your hunnybuns “doll is it our lives were living, or theirs?”

😉 best o luck

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