(Closed) He dropped the bomb on me.

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

I think you should leave. You’ve given up so much and he has given up nothing. If he really loved you he wouldn’t be treating you like that – do you really want to marry someone who lies about another woman and gives you questionnaires to fill out before they’d consider marrying you? I’d hope not. You, and every other woman out there, are better than that.

Post # 4
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

After all that’s happened, he’s given you a pretty clear picture of the manipulative jerk that he is. Do you really want to be married to someone like that? Realize that marriage won’t change him. Also realize that just because you have given up a lot until now, doesn’t mean that you should stay with him. You can still leave him, find someone better, and build a happy life for yourself.

Post # 5
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

One of the most concerning things for me in your entire post are the following two sentences…

The only reason i over stayed my visa to stay here was for this relationship, for him.

AND

If I leave, there is no chance of me returning to US.

I take it then, that you had a Visitor’s Visa, and it has expired, and you are still in country.

From a US Immigration perspective THIS IS a very serious matter, because as you have guessed you will NEVER EVER get another one (so no more visits to the USA)

Honestly, you’ve risked so much / given so much… to a man who quite frankly DOES NOT DESERVE IT

Not only do I see him as manipulative… now I also see him as a scum-bag kind of guy who “uses women” for his own needs.  Promising to marry you… in which case you could stay in the USA… but all the while just “reaping” the rewards of being in this relationship with you (and yet dragging his feet on getting this done… so knowing full well that you could end up being deported)

I am not sure how you met this fellow (on-line from your home country, or in person here while in the US, or someother way… Dating Intro Service)… BUT he seems to me to encompass what I think of when I hear about guys who cruising around / surfing on-line for foreign women to date (sometimes marry) … so that they can have someone keep house for them etc.   Which is just a way for them to have a woman to manipulate / control / abuse by holding their Non-US Status over their heads (essentially holding them hostage in a relationship that they are not happy with or want any longer).

Rather than US Immigration being so quick to fault the women who overstay their Visas… there should be more done to discipline these “Johns” for using the system to manipulate women who are at their mercy (and they know it)

Indeed time for you to go… and do not look back.  I am certain that there is a great man out there for you… and you will find each other.  This JERK isn’t it.

 

Post # 6
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

You need to run. Hes doint what hes been doing all along.. dragging you to hold on a little longer. Between that and the fact his family (and it appears him as well) believe he’s marrying you out of charity, there is nothing positive for you to stay for. 

Post # 7
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

Leave. Please leave. You are in a really, really terrible, manipulative relationship. 

Post # 8
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think you should leave and go back to those who truly love you. This man will only get worse after marriage. Sweetie if you care about yourself and your happiness, LEAVE!!!

Post # 10
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I dont think anyone is accusing you of being here for a visa.. we are worried that he is holding you getting a permenant visa over your head to manipulate you. Hes not a sane man. And you dont have a healthy relationship. It will only get worse. Especially if you marry him.

Post # 11
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This seems like such a toxic relationship. I can see that you still care about him, but sometimes that isn’t enough.

He is disrepectful to you and you deserve to be treated better by both him and his family.

I know its easy for me to say all of this sitting in front of my computer probably 2349837 miles away from you, but I have been there and been in an almost identical relationship. It took a lot of strength for me to leave but I did and I cannot tell you how liberated I felt after the inital hurt passed.

Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO Confused_bear: thanks for the UPDATE / Clarification

I didn’t mean to offend you (I hope I haven’t) I was just trying to get a better grasp on the situation based on what you said about your Visa in a previous post (clearly I didn’t know WHAT TYPE of Visa you were here on)

As DDG84:  said so eloquently…

I dont think anyone is accusing you of being here for a visa.. we are worried that he is holding you getting a permenant visa over your head to manipulate you. Hes not a sane man. And you dont have a healthy relationship. It will only get worse. Especially if you marry him.

My CONCERNS are soley about HOW he is treating you… and that it certainly looks like he is manipulating you and holding you (and your relationship with him) hostage over this Visa situation.  And that is sick.  Beyond the fact that with this posting, and the ones you’ve made previously here on WBee, he is not respectful of you and is essentially taking you for granted and being abusive.

He DOES NOT DESERVE YOU.  Period

 

Post # 13
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

He is stringing you along. A guy who actually cared about you and your emotional wellbeing wouldn’t pull this kind of crap. You deserve better, and you are cheating yourself out of a lifetime of happiness if you stick around and continue to let him treat you this way. Leave him and give yourself a chance for happiness.

Post # 14
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

Men who say they are going to propose to you after you tell them you are leaving are MANIPULATING you.  That is all.  It’s just manipulation. 

 

Sorry if that sounds snarky. 

Post # 15
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

If you want to stay back in the US, and think about your relationship later on, then stay back, but open for a divorce paper work later on. 

 

If you want to stay back in the US BECAUSE OF HIM, no he doesn’t sound to be worthy for your effort. 

The topic ‘He dropped the bomb on me.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors