(Closed) He dropped the bomb on me.

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Honestly, from one woman to another, regardless of the reasoning behind his actions and words, he did and is manipulating you. Now, he is telling you what you want to hear. I don’t think the timing is a coincidence. 

I know there is a huge change at stake for you. And I am so sorry this is such a complicated situation with life altering results, either way. But you need to take a step back, look in. Look at how he tells you what you want to hear to keep you strung along, and knows exactly what to say to hurt you terribly. That isn’t american. Thats heartless.

Please consider this could be your future. He can threaten reporting you. He can hold money and your home over your head. He can mentally berate you as he has. Thats not a way to live life. 

Post # 18
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012


View original reply
Confused_bear: go back and read your other topic (that you liked to at the top of this one)

READ ALL THE REPLIES… and ALL the wisdom that the Bees here have given to you

Forget his friends… they don’t know him like you do (they don’t live with him 24/7)

As someone who was married for 20 years in an Abusive Relationship… he is a textbook case.  Any relationship with him is going to continue like this, and / or get much much worse.

I KNOW you LOVE him, and this is hard.

BUT there is NOTHING to be confused about… he is using / manipulating you… you don’t need this crap for another minute, let alone forever

Leaving now sucks (I get that) but trust me when I say, Breaking Up and Getting a Divorce is much much worse… I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy

(( HUGS ))


Post # 19
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think this is one of those instances where you need to make this decision by listening to your brain, not your heart. 


Post # 20
4411 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

How long have you overstayed your visa?  If it’s less than 180 days, then you will only have to wait 3 years before you can visit the U.S. again.  If it’s over 180 days, then you’ll have a 10 year wait.  I would recommend talking to an immigration lawer who might be able to get you an extension, but there are, of course, no guarantees about that.

Personally, I would leave him, because his attitude about your immigration status. If he truly loves you, he wouldn’t have ever said it was your problem alone. People who are in love don’t let the other person face anything alone. 


Post # 21
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would leave him, it’s going to be hard but I would leave. He only said what he did about proposing to get you to stay. I’ve been there, for as long as you stay there will always be another excuse as to why he can’t or wont. If he does eventually propose He will probably drag out the wedding for as long as possible before one or both of you break it off and you are back where you are now.


Post # 22
242 posts
Helper bee

Just from the sounds of your posts I would say definately walk away from this relationship. It just doesn’t sound right. You don’t seem happy with him and it doesn’t appear that you feel loved by him. He is likely using this proposal as a manipulation to get you to stay. The questionaire thing is just really odd. If he wanted to make sure you guys had the same goals and had questions for you, he should ask himself in a conversation or you guys should go to premarital counseling to discuss the major things before getting married. But asking you to fill out a questionnaire and then holding that over your head before proposal is not right in my opinion. Stay strong and stick to your original plans of leaving because if you decide to stay, then he will do something else to upset you and you probably will wish that you would have just left in the first place.

Post # 23
699 posts
Busy bee

@Confused_bear:  Yeah, this one sounds like a winner, not, trust your head in this one,the next one will be amazing and he willomeet you halfway!!!

Post # 24
63 posts
Worker bee

I think you need to leave 🙁 I feel so bad for you because I am in a similar situation as far as moving to the US To be with my boyfriend. However, he has been amazing, he’s done and is doing eeverything he can to make this whole process as easy for me as possible. Regularly flies me home so I can visit my friends and family etc.

I’m in no want trying to make you feel worse by praising my guy but yours has treated you terribly and I think deep down you know that but are still holding on to hope. Imagine marrying him, imagine how your future will be. His family sound awful, he’s not supportive and kind. He has lied to you. You’ll be trapped in a terrible marriage, away from your family and friends.

I’ve found moving away from everyone and everything I know to be really emotionally difficult at times and without the support of my boyfriend to get me through it I’d be an absolute wreck.


I’m tearing up about this. Please get yourself home and away from this guy thcan will only make you miserable. 

Post # 25
641 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I agree with all the PP, and I want to add that it seems like his mother is kind of horrible, too. I read this on xojane and I think it’s very true: “Sheiks and princes and leaders of the world. That’s who is good enough for you.”

You deserve better than this jerk and his family. Maybe a huge change like this is exactly what you need?

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