(Closed) He ended it… Wow.

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 60
Member
4090 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think it would have made any difference if you withheld the smoking situation.  He already does this stuff with other minor issues, so it would have just cropped its ugly head down the road. 

Post # 61
Hostess
7941 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Ashley_B:  I couldn’t agree more.

With marriage comes a whole heap of “adult” issues that people must work through. I would hate to see his reaction to something big and perhaps more important than you just trying a tobacco product (and other trivial issues you have mentioned).

 

Post # 62
Member
2721 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

“See, I don’t smoke. I never did before that shisha. And even if I DID smoke, I’d never do it around him. I didn’t even like the shisha, but the shisha bar had a nice atmosphere, good food and drinks, and my friends were there. “

@OrchidsandCandles:  A lot of people think that hookahs are harmless.  They’re actually just as bad as, or possibly even worse, than ciagarettes.  

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/QuitToLive/story?id=4274404&page=1#.T2OgRVHx9S8

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hookah/AN01265

http://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/data_statistics/fact_sheets/tobacco_industry/hookahs/

I do think that your ex had good reason to be pissed off that you tried a hookah.  However, based off some of the other stuff you said he does, he is definitely a control freak.  Not wanting you to go to law school is nutso.  Who wouldn’t want their partner to be well educated and successful?  Only an insecure person who is afraid that their partner is going to surpass them intellectually and leave them.  

Post # 65
Member
2536 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Whoa!  That’s kinda crazy, eh?  I would just move on.  You don’t need that stuff in your life. 

Post # 66
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

He blocked you??  Wow, to me that would feel like a slap in the face.  I hope when (because I promise you he will) contacts you again, you make him sweat it out by not responding right away.  How manipulative and immature is that, to block you?  How much can someone care about a relationship to treat it so disrespectfully?  You deserve so much better.  You’re beautiful, intelligent and articulate.  You deserve a kind, loving and gentle person who isn’t so harsh and judgmental.  Good grief!  My heart goes out to you, I wouldn’t be able to stand being with someone who treated me like that (well, truthfully, never again, because my ex was like that, which is why he is my ex).  To me blocking feels just like someone hanging up on me.  Um, you do that – do not call me back.  Ever. 

Good luck to you.  Believe in yourself – you can do better.

Post # 68
Member
7321 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I used to hang out with friends and smoke hookah. If someone is going to freak out because of that or dump me they didn’t deserve me to begin with. There is a big difference between being a habitual smoker and trying something once.

Post # 69
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

it sucks and is heartbreaking but you are soo much better off! Anyone who has blocked you multiple times over things is not a lifelong partner. The person who wants to marry you will do everything to be with you period. 

Post # 70
Member
4005 posts
Honey bee

@OrchidsandCandles:  Honestly, it sounds like you’re better off without this guy. Holy controlling! I couldn’t be in a relationship where someone freaked out that bad over trying something that was legal. I would really consider not taking him back if he ever decides to unblock you. 

Oh and what’s with the not being supportive of you going to medical school? I’d be hella proud if my husband were going to medical school! In fact, he went back for his masters in biology and I couldn’t have been more proud of him. That right there isn’t cool.

Post # 71
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@OrchidsandCandles:  Having someone end a two-year relationship is a huge deal.  Of course you’re hurting.  You have every right to feel hurt.  And we’ve all been there at some point in our lives.  Nobody should ever treat you that way.  You do not deserve it.  Would you treat someone that way?  Under any circumstances?  I would say not, because you sound like a very sweet person.  Trust me when I say there are plenty of men just as sweet who would never treat you in a disrespectful manner.  There’s no excuse for such rudeness.  You didn’t do anything to deserve being treated that way.  He may disagree with you and that is ok.  But to go so far as to break off the relationship completely and then block you?  That’s nuts.  He knows this is hurting you.  He is trying to “punish” you.  You’re not a child and you should never let anyone punish you again.  Talk to yourself as though you were talking to your best friend.  Would you want your best friend to be treated that way?  No, of course not.  It IS a big deal.  It’s a controlling behavior.  Now that it’s over (even temporarily) count your blessings and hope he stays away.

ETA:  And if he comes back, and you allow him back, set down the rule that he NEVER again blocks you or cuts off communication in any way again, or it will REALLY be over.

Post # 72
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Aww sweetie, I’m so sorry. That’s so crappy of him. I’d say you shouldn’t even worry about it. I know it hurts and you guys have been together a long time, but really, would you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who blocks you and dumps you over using tobacco? It’s a hookah, for Christ’s sake, it’s not like you’re hitting a puppy or taking candy from a small child. 

Maybe this is just a lesson learned in what you definitely don’t want in a guy: childish, immature, etc. My fiance would never EVER dump me because I used tobacco, or be whiney because I wouldn’t talk about video games with him, because he’s an adult. A (relatively) non-whiney adult. 

I am curious as to where you are in England though: my fiance & I are headed to England for our honeymoon in June (London & the Cotswolds!). ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 74
Member
4831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@rachie205:  

View original reply
@OrchidsandCandles:  

sorry to threadjack but I LOVE the Cotswold. I went out there for a horseback riding girls weekend and it was so much fun! We are planning another riding weekend out there in a few weeks and I cannot wait. Such beautiful countryside and the people are so friendly.

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