(Closed) He forgot our anniversary! Am I overreacting?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Who screwed up here?
    I have a right to be disappointed after reminding him : (47 votes)
    23 %
    He makes valid points and I'm overreacting : (50 votes)
    25 %
    We're both wrong : (93 votes)
    46 %
    We're both right : (14 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 2
    Hostess
    3167 posts
    Sugar bee

    I don’t think I’d have been able to let the whole day go by without saying anything. It would’ve been better if you’d said “What are we doing for our anniversary today?” and kinda let him off the hook gracefully. It does seem like you were being passive aggressive.

    Post # 3
    Member
    8861 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    lilydoc :  This is your wedding anniversary? If it’s a dating anniversary, I kinda don’t get those, so I’d give him a pass on that. If its your wedding anniversary, he should have remembered, but why would you let the whole day go by without saying something? Or why didn’t you plan something with him? Why would a celebration have to be a surprise and all on him? My recommendation for the future is to plan your anniversary together.

    Post # 4
    Member
    9718 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I think you are both right.

    It’s pretty ridiculous that he didn’t remember, especially since you did remind him a few days beforehand. Does he usually plan something for your anniversary? Is this the first year you decided to celebrate it? Your post kind of made it sound like this was your first anniversary together but then you said you’d been together for years…

    But I also agree, that if it was super important to you then you should have said something and that you could have planned something too. There’s no reason the anniversary celebrations have to be planned by the man in the relationship.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3425 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    I think you are overreacting. It was just as rude for you to not wish him a happy anniversary. You didn’t plan anything either, so there’s no reason for you to be angry with him for not planning something. You could have talked about it and made plans together in the days before! And not saying “happy anniversary” because he “might plan to surprise you later” doesn’t really make sense to me. It seems a little passive aggressive, to be honest.

    Talk it out, and plan a belated anniversary celebration for next weekend. And also talk about whose job it is to plan anniversary activities. In my relationship, we both work together to do the planning. I don’t see why it should fall on one person or the other. 

    I understand your disappointment. But try to let it go and figure out a solution for next time. If you have to plan the festivities, that’s fine. Sure it won’t be a surprise but it’d sure be better than nothing. And focus on the fact that he didn’t intentionally try to hurt you. It was an accident.

    Post # 6
    Member
    30 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I think you’re overreacting. It’s not like he intentionally didn’t do or say anything. It seems like he genuinely forgot, and the thing is, you remembered. So why couldn’t you start by wishing him a happy anniversary? I know it is disappointing but maybe he just doesn’t place as big value on anniversaries as you do.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1253 posts
    Bumble bee

    Men are like that. They forget to wash their socks. Your overreacting. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    The anniversary should not be all about you. It should be about both of you! I understand feeling hurt that he forgot all about it, but I don’t understand waiting all day in silence as if the whole day were about you, and what he is going to say to you, and what he is going to plan for you.

    Post # 9
    Member
    9718 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    railroaderwifeyxo :  Oh come on, don’t generalize an entire group of people like that. My husband has never forgotten our anniversary or birthday. In fact, I don’t know any men who forget important dates in their relationships. It’s not a men thing and it shouldn’t be excused just because he has a penis.

    Post # 10
    Member
    7642 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    lilydoc :  I assume you mean wedding anniversary? (You should never expect a man to remember a dating anniversary).

    Yes, it was bad of him to forget. But my approach (if he doesn’t do something immediately) is to wish him happy anniversary some time in the morning. i.e. make a happy day of it, rather than fester on it.

    Post # 11
    Member
    7905 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Your profile says you married in June 2010, but the post makes it sound like you got married in August. How long have you been married? If he usually remembers your anniversary, I wonder if he had something on his mind or was really busy that day or something. It does seem odd that you wouldn’t say happy anniversary to him right away. I can see how he’d interpret that to be a test for him. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    2657 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    Whilst I certainly understand being disappointed, particularly when you reminded him it was coming up (I would have been disappointed too), I don’t understand why you couldn’t have taken it upon yourself to plan something or why you waited until the next day to say something. My Fiance means well but he is hopeless when it comes to planning, so I generally plan date nights and the like. Why did he have to plan something for you? Maybe he’s disappointed that you didn’t plan something for him. My Fiance and I aren’t big on celebrating anniversaries (although that may change once we’re married) but we do wish each other a happy anniversary – I don’t really keep track of who does it first and it wouldn’t bother me if I was always the one to say it first; as long as he reciprocates my feelings, I’m happy.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1663 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    You set him up to fail. Why did it all have to come from him??

    You could’ve just wished him Happy Anniversary and asked him what he had planned (and if nothing, made some plans together). That way, you’d have both won.

    Not worth the drama IMO

    Post # 14
    Member
    316 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Guys aren’t mind readers. There are things that I want my husband to do all the time and sometimes he just has no clue that it’s something that I want him to do. I have to spell things out on occasion for them to get it. If you wanted a surprise or special gesture, you should have told him. Anniversaries aren’t that important to some people.

    Anyways, you could have told him happy anniversary first. Why is it up to him to surprise you with something? An anniversary isn’t a proposal. (And even if it was a proposal, it’s not always up to the guy anymore!) If you discussed doing something that day, why couldn’t you have said something like “hey, what do you want to do tonight for our anniversary?” 

    My husband and I completely forgot our second wedding anniversary. I agreed to babysit a friend’s kids that evening and only realized it was our anniversary while I was babysitting. Darling Husband and I  had agood laugh about it later that evening and wished each other happy anniversary at that point. Neither of us got upset and it wasn’t a big deal.

    Post # 15
    Member
    5038 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    So he forgot your anniversary and you knowingly chose not to acknowledge it.  I personally think you are both in the wrong.  Btw, my colleague was telling me just yesterday that her husband of 11 years has difficulty remembering their wedding anniversary.  Her solution – she had his keychain engraved with the date.

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