(Closed) He gave me a ring… but not an e-ring. Srsly?!

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 136
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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jhunter:  Sooo why do you want to marry this guy?…

Post # 138
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

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jhunter:  Oh MY!!!! His comments about spending YOUR refund. This can be taken either way, the part of YOUR refund that he is talking about spending is that in reference to only the money that increased afater having the baby last year because if so that is fair, if that is money that is going to be spent on your household and you together. The money from the baby can be spent between the couple while the funds from the individuals can be spent on you or him alone.

Honestly, he sounded like a jerk but with that last post it also sounds like he can be scared and is also pushing you away eithe rintentionally or unintentionally. You have a baby together you may want to seek counseling before I tell you to just walk away but if things don’t change at somepoint and he isn’t interested in investing in your future by seeing a counselor I’d say that you may need to take a break from your relationship and see what he does from there. If he doesn’t come for you he wasn’t meant for youbut if he does I’m sure he’ll be singing a different tune.

Post # 139
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: Kauai

Is an engagement ring really going to solve what seem like much bigger problems?

Do you want to get engaged during this tension?

Does SO know the details of how you feel? (In an entirely different situation, I confronted my now-husband on the night of our rehearsal dinner about something I’d just found out that was tearing me apart. Turns out it was a complete misunderstanding, we had a good laugh, and I am more confident than ever that the best thing I can do is talk to him about my feelings. Reaffirmed at least twice since that the best thing I can do is be honest.)

I’m so sad to read this thread. Please do what’s best for you and your baby – spending years in a stressful relationship where you don’t feel appreciated is not an environment your baby will thrive in. Maybe you have family you can stay with? Catty conversations with your friends will either reinforce your beliefs (founded or not) or make you feel foolish when/if this blows over.

Take care of yourself and keep us posted!

Post # 140
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

LOL I’d leave him. You’d be so much happier somewhere else with someone else who isn’t so insensitive.  “You can mop it again tomorrow”?!  LOL!  UH, I would have thrown the mop at him and left. 

Post # 141
Hostess
2889 posts
Sugar bee

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MeandMyLouboutins:  thanks for your opinion.  It was probably a $5 bracelet.  The point was not the cost of the gift, or even whether I liked it or not, but the meaning and the love behind the gesture.

Post # 142
Member
3184 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

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jhunter:  I’m not going to say yoou should leave him but I will give you this advice: Imagine a guy was treating your daughter this way. Would you wanter her to stay? Would you want her to stay with a guy who wanted tpo spend her money on the bills and use his own money on toys for himself?  Would you want a guy for your daughter who didn’t put thought and effort into gifts? Would you wanter her to feel how you are feeling? Only you know the answer to these questions. I feel you. I get what you are saying. But a ring that is two sizes too big that is not your style says a lot. And the fact that he says that this is just starting to get good. Honey, you deserve better. Heck, your chold deserves better!

Post # 143
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

So what ended up happening? I’m on the edge of my seat! I’m hoping it was a trick and the guy was really going to propose.

Post # 144
Member
327 posts
Helper bee

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sumshine.dawn:  You nailed it. OP, I would be looking for the smoothest exit.

Post # 145
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

What happened? I am so curious now! 

Post # 146
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Regardless of how the original poster’s situation works out, I’d like to continue to echo a point to other ladies reading this thread who may be in the same dilemma: it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, how much pressure you’re getting from your family, if you feel your biological clock ticking, etc. If you’re focusing on the ring/wedding and you’re not 100% sure this is right, exit the relationship.

A wedding (or proposal, here) is one moment in what will hopefully be a very long, healthy life together. It is not the climax of the story. It is not the top of the mountain. Make sure your relationship is 100% healthy and meets your every want and need before you start talking marriage. Don’t just do this because it feels like what you should do, because you’ve been together for three years already, etc.

Though it’s not completely on-topic to this thread, I see this issue come up here more than it should and just needed to say that.

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