(Closed) He gave me a ring… but not an e-ring. Srsly?!

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I can understand your frustration. I probably would be if I was in the same situation. Have yall discussed the timeline for marriage? Idk I think when you become anxious, it’s best to be forward and let him know that you really appreciate the ring but assume it would be an engagement ring.

Post # 17
523 posts
Busy bee

Is your baby a boy? 

That could explain the blue diamonds.

and maybe this is a place holder that he still wanted to be special?

ohh I hope it turns out ok- keep us posted 

Post # 18
321 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
jhunter:  Wait until he gives it to you before drawing conclusions, he might explain what he’s doing!

If he doesnt, just tell him plainly how you feel. If you can’t be perfectly honest and open to your boyfriend about how you feel about getting engaged, then who can you be honest and open with!

Tell him “thank you for the gift, I appreciate you buying something for me. However, as you know that I want to get married, the only jewellery I am interested in right now are engagement rings. This may not seem as important to you as it is to me, but I ask you to respect my feelings on this as it’s something I feel strongly about. I would like to know a timeline of when I can expect a proposa?”

If you don’t feel comfortable saying this to his face, perhaps you can write it in a letter? Make it clear that you will not accept anything less than marriage, which is what you deserve! He sounds like he is avoiding it, but don’t let him have a wife for the price of a girlfriend, when you want to be a wife.

All the best, let us know how it goes!

Post # 20
2762 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I honestly don’t know what I’d do if I were in your shoes. I think I’d totally be freaking out about living with a man, having a child with him, wanting to be engaged and/or married to him and knowing that he had the means to make that happen but kept dangling it in fron my face like a carrot. 

But now I’m insanely curious to know whether this was just a stalling tactic, a major throw you off the scent of a real ering, a bad choice of present or what. If you get the ring will you plz post pictures? And update us?

Post # 22
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

He might just be trying to buy you a nice gift. Hopefully he will propose soon. Sorry that you don’t like the ring but guys don’t always know what type of jewelry is nice. He probably picked it because he thought you would love it.  Just be nice about it..

Post # 23
558 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry you’re in such a frustrating situation! I would try to encourage you to look at this in a positive light and for what you have, rather than what seems wrong or missing.

If your sister is right, your boyfriend of three years, who you live with, have a child with, and love enough and feel stable enough with to want to marry right now, and who has been open to talking about marriage with you, is giving you a gift of a nice quality piece of jewelry for no particular occasion. That’s really sweet!

The problem comes in that you’re comparing it to what you want it to be instead of appreciating it for what it is. It’s totally reasonable of you to want marriage, but it’s not reasonable to get angry at him for giving you a sweet gift “instead of” asking you to enter a lifelong commitment with him. Both may involve the giving of a ring, but the two gestures are not at all interchangeable. One is simply a random act of kindness. The other is an enormous and ostensibly permanent life change.

As for the ring – no one’s a mind reader, and guys aren’t always great at women’s jewelry. He was probably trying to pick what he thought was beautiful for you. (I personally find that ring elegant and lovely!) I’m sorry that you feel like he wasn’t considering you, but it still is a gift, for you. At least he’s trying, even if he didn’t get it quite right.

If you need to talk to your SO about marriage again, go ahead! But I think it will tend to go over a lot better if you can see and respond to his gift as a generous if slightly oblivious gesture of love, rather than as rubbing in the lack of something that he might not feel ready for himself.

Post # 24
2882 posts
Sugar bee

My Fiance bought me a bracelet while we were on vacation a year and a half ago.  It was someone’s style, but definitely not mine.  I still keep it in a box where I keep a few other things I treasure.  Not because I loved the bracelet, but because I love him, and his gesture melted my prickly, well hidden little heart.

My point being…while your feelings are valid, when you move past them, perhaps you could appreciate the gesture for what it is – a ring that, while not what you wanted, was nevertheless picked out carefully by someone you ostensibly love.  

Post # 25
2664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

View original reply
jhunter:  he should put that $6k in savings for an emergency or his child’s education fund, not spend it. 

Post # 26
6412 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
jhunter:  Maybe he just can’t afford a better ring.  Honestly $6K is nothing. NOTHING, compared to the cost of a baby.  A baby is a much more expensive, and demanding cost than a ring.  My husband and I also had a baby first before marriage.  We couldn’t afford the wedding, or super fancy rings.  I have a simple style as well, so the rings that we picked were more on the cheaper side.  My husband even chose stainless steel to cut costs ($20 ring).

I think your expectations of what kind of ring you want right now with the costs of living with a baby, and your sister (is she paying rent or living there free?) is just too much for him to handle right now. Most likely his child is his main priority and not getting you your dream ring.  I think that ring is actually beautiful and a nice starter ring for now.  I’m sure he’ll update your ring down the road when he can afford and it’s practical to buy you a better ring.  $149 is a lot better than $1K.

Have you talked about marriage before? My husband and I had discussed it before we got pregnant, while we were pregnant and soon after I gave birth.  So this was not a new topic or discussion when we talked about it when we made a year.

Post # 28
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 1993

I think your sister is trying to throw you off.  Can’t wait for an update. 

Post # 29
134 posts
Blushing bee

I would try not to get pissed off just yet, as it hasn’t happened yet. I’m hoping that your sister is just playing with you…and is in on the big surprise. If not, if he really didn’t get you an engagement ring and got you a $149 (non-engagement) anniversary ring, you have every right to be mad… I would try to play it off just to see if there’s a surprise that’s still coming, but if that’s how he ends the night…he may just wake up a single man… That’s just me, though.

Post # 30
6412 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
jhunter:  I would just keep your cool.  He could be really trying to throw you off.

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