(Closed) He gave me a ring… but not an e-ring. Srsly?!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 92
8 posts

me and my now fiance have been together for seven years and I was getting very emotional because I felt I was waiting for something might never happen and two years ago I asked him what he thought about us having kids and I made conversations about our future and I was very happy with the response I got from him and he told me he wanted to marry me but he had to save some money first, after that conversation I stopped asking and last year my birthday and our anniversary came and for some reason I thought he was going to propose but he did not I was disappointed. after that he told me he had a surprise but he couldn’t give it to me yet.
then in christmas came and I did not get a christmas present from him and on new years 2015 he popped the question. he told me he bought the ring a year ago and that he was going to propose on christmas eve but since that day I jokingly mention something about the ring I ruined the surprise. he said he had the ring for a long time he was just waiting for the perfect moment and new years was a very special day to him because is when he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. I did get a silver ring and I love it he told me he could get me a 3000 ring but he would rather save that money for our future together and he eventually will get me another ring.

Post # 95
6397 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

He’s not required to get you an engagement ring just because he knows you want one. 

And also, because you said it, his feelings are also valid, whether or not YOU understand them. 

Post # 96
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I had an instance last Christmas that has really made me sympathize with your situation.  My SO knows I want to get married and I have been waiting for quite a while now.  He bought me a beautiful ring, wrapped the ring box, and HUNG IT ON THE TREE LIKE AN ORNAMENT.  When I saw it, I was so excited!  Imagine my surprise when I opened the box on Christmas Day and it was a beautiful RHR, but not an engagement ring.  It was like a punch to the gut.  I know he meant no maliace with this gift and it was incredibly thoughtful and I adore the ring.  I wear it every day and know it was given with love.  But the way he went about doing this was not what I would have preferred…I wish he’d thought through what he was doing a little more before presenting the ring in a way that clearly screamed to me (and everyone I told the story to): PROPOSAL IS COMING!

So I completely understand how you feel about the ring situation.  However, your SO’s most recent comments are definitely concerning….the fact that he is not on the same page at all about getting engaged yet would be very upsetting.  To go from talking about marriage to saying that ‘things are just starting to get good’ is insulting.  And I would consider whether or not I wanted to wait around for someone who kind of seems like he is playing games.  You deserve better than that and you deserve someone who wants to marry you.

Post # 97
36 posts

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jhunter:  I wonder how he would feel if he saw everything you’re posting online. I’m sure he would be hurt and the idea of a proposal wouldn’t even be on the table anymore. Instead of bitching about him and calling him a jerk, maybe you just need to go talk to him and tell him you’re dissapointed and hurt. Odds are he can return the blue diamond ring, so get it out of your head and focus your energy on the relationship and if you want to continue building it or not. 

Post # 98
96 posts
Worker bee

Just because he knows you are EXPECTING a proposal doesn’t mean that he is actually going to propose to you. Do you think it may be likely that he was just saying these things (which helped you formulate your timeline) just to appease you? 

Post # 99
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
jhunter:  I feel for your situation. And I apologize on behalf of all the posters calling you a snob or ungrateful. In my opinion, it sounds like its really not about the ring. Its about the fact that you are committed completely and he won’t meet that commitment. You had his child and by all intents and purposes are already living as his wife, you deserve to be married. That being said, he might not be the man to marry. I have no idea what your relationship is like with him so I won’t say leave him. I will say be true to yourself and put your well being (mental, emotional and physical) and your childs at the forefront. 

I wish you the best. 

Post # 102
921 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
allyfally:  He knows she wants a proposal, it just seems really harsh of him to buy a gift that basically says ‘yes, I can afford a ring, yes I am willing to put the time and effort in to going out and choosing one for you… but no I don’t actually want to marry you’ a mug just says I bought you a mug

Post # 103
1517 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

No matter what it is still a gift and I hope you are gracious when receiving it.

Post # 104
12303 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’ve been playing housewife to a jerk who led me on about a proposal and now is telling me it isn’t even in the cards.

Then walk.  Why waste anymore time with him?

You are in marriage mode. Ring, wedding, marriage probably assuming that means stability and life together forever. Reality check: if he’s not ready and you somehow manage to force him, DIVORCE is real too. Your end goal of being married won’t necessarily give you the stability you think it will. It only makes it a little more complicated.

He’s NOT there yet. He may get there, but no matter how much you throw in his face that he made a timeline, he was wrong about it and isnt ready. If he says things are going great and he can see it happening, you can choose to believe that and continue to enjoy your lives together as is with the child you have together and wait until he’s truely ready. If you can’t stand to wait and give him the chance to come around or don’t believe he will ever be ready, then just leave this jerk who led you on.

Post # 105
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

did he give it to you yet???

This whole thread has me in stitches — I would be pissed, too, haha.  You guys aren’t in high school, IMO, a guy only needs to get a woman a ring twice in his life – a promise ring in high school (if you’re into that kinda thing) and an engagement ring. 

Although I can’t say I’d refuse it, I’d just be disappointed and would tell him flat you were expecting and hoping for an engagement ring. 

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