(Closed) He gave me a …Timeline??

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

That sounds like a real timeline to me :/ If you think he earns enough to get you the ring and the Destination Wedding before you want a baby, then maybe he’s teasing you, but it does sound like he has a plan but is worried about finances.

Post # 4
Member
4069 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Eeek.  That would be a long time for me.  Money doesn’t grow on trees, so I guess he’s being sensible.  But if the ring isn’t important (I know it is for some bees), then I suggest having a talk.  SO and I had the timeline talk (he’s 33) an he said it wouldn’t be for a while because I have “champagne taste” and he has no money.  I told him I’d marry him with a hula hoop! (then retracted it lol).  But he knows what I meant.

Post # 6
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Future_Mrs.Souvannarath:  I think that sounds like a real timeline to me too. I have a few things I just wanted to comment on:

– could you mention to him that the ring doesn’t matter? It might be that in 2 years he is ready, but he will need another year or more to save for the kind of ring you want. Perhaps by showing him a variety of smaller, cheaper rings he wouldn’t feel as overwhelmed

– I understand how you want to concieve in 5 years, but I want to mention that many, MANY women take more than a year to concieve. Coming off BC, in fact, can take up to 2 years just to ovulate. I respect your plan, but I think you need to consider what you will do if you spend all this time trying to get pregnant and you don’t get pregnant. You will be putting a TON of pressure on yourself and your SO (then DH?)

– if financial stability might be an important aspect, try having a talk and set financial goals together to achieve. It might help to know “well, we have the house and an emergency fund and we have saved $xx towards the wedding, so I guess that means the ring will come soon!)

– I suggest sitting down with him and talking about your future goals and what he wants. It seems that you are unsure what he is waiting for (stability, but career? house? etc?). Talking it through and aligning your goals will help strengthen your relationship and put you on the same page.

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada โ™ฅ EDD- April 2016

It sounds like a real timeline to me too ๐Ÿ™ If you want the proposal to come sooner you may have to lower your ring expectations and let him know that the ring really doesn’t matter. I used to want a 1ct solitare from Tiffany&Co, but we’re both university students. I realised that if I wanted to get engaged within my timeline, I had to pick a cheaper ring ๐Ÿ˜‰ It’s been a year and a half and he’ll propose within the next couple of weeks with a cheaper ring and I’m so excited and actually happier with having the cheaper alternative.

Post # 8
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

I was born in the year of the rabbit and when my son was born I was really pleased to discover he was also a rabbit! I’m not really into the Chinese zodiak, I just like rabbits. They’re neat, and I plan on getting a rabbit tattoo at some point.

I personally can’t imagine waiting so long for motherhood and marriage although I can absolutely respect other people’s decision to do so. For me, the perfect age to have my first was 23 (SO was 29). Our son is almost one and we are getting engaed in a few weeks!

I guess people want to wait to “settle down” because they want to live a little and make sure they have a secure financial situation before starting a family. That makes loads of sense, but I have to wonder what other people’s definition of financial security is when they want to wait until they’re almost 40 to have kids. Not that there’s anything wrong with wanting to have a lot, we strive to have more in our lives as well.

We aren’t rich, but we already have far more than I had growing up. I’m happy to know my kid is going to have a stable childhood with everything he needs. When you get right down to it, kids aren’t extremely expensive, and weddings don’t have to be either!

Are you satisfied with the timeline he gave you? 5 years is a long time to compromise your goals for the sake of a fancy wedding.

Post # 9
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I think it sounds like a real timeline too. I think the timeline is based on what he thinks you need in order to get married.

If you don’t want that timeline, then maybe you should figure out what’s most important to you. Can you budge on the ring? Would you consider altering your idea of a DW? I also think its important to find out what his priorities are. Marriage is about compromise and it’s important to talk this all out.

Post # 10
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I agree with @Mrs.SleepyKitty:  It sounds like a real timeline to me. I mean he has valid reasons, since having a baby has a lot of start up costs and doing that AND getting married at the same time would be really stressful both emotionally and financially, unless you’re ok with having something low key and on a smaller budget. But honestly is that what you want? Do you want to be married in 4 years or sooner? If you want it sooner you need to sit your SO down and tell him your thoughts and why you would like to be engaged sooner. I mean to me 2.5 years is plenty of time to be able to get married and know what you’re getting into with the other person, but what do I know.

Post # 11
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

If a man tells you something, you should take him at his word. Don’t assume he’s kidding just because it isn’t what you want to hear. The man said he won’t give you a ring for four years; believe him.

Can you live with not getting engaged for four years? Or will you become resentful because he’s making you wait for no good reason? It’s clear that your ideal timeline is NOT going to happen with this guy. Would you be willing to change your timeline for having a baby, or have the baby without getting married?

My feeling is that 2.5 years is plenty long enough for a man in his thirties to decide if a woman is the one for him. In 2.5 years he’s gotten to know virtually everything about you and has sampled everything you have to offer… and that still hasn’t been enough for him to want to snap you up. I’d be happy to allow him another year or so, but another four years is just taking the p***. He obviously doesn’t feel strongly enough about you to want to lock you down and make sure you’re his; in any relationship I’d be looking to move on if he hadn’t proposed by roughly the 3.5 year mark.

Post # 12
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yes, it’s probably a loose timeline in his head. However, I want to tell you something – life doesn’t work out when you plan it that way. How do you know for sure you will be able to conceive at 27?

I know there is tradition. I am Chinese myself and my zodiac is rat and my Fiance is a dragon. We are getting married this year (his year) but we didn’t plan it out like that. It just happened and we realized it. 

I think you should just let go of the strict expectations – just let your relationship grow. Who cares if your brother got married young – you’re not him!

 

Post # 13
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

I have to agree with adage, you might have to let go of that expectation in the long run.

Post # 16
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

That “rain on my wedding day” comment totally put that awful Allanis Morrisette song in my head, lol ๐Ÿ˜›

I think I can relate to some of your experiences, particularily moving around a lot. I moved about 20 times between the ages of 15 and 21! You seem to have good outlook on life, I think if a baby were to happpen you would make a wonderful young mother. We are never doomed to repeat the mistakes our parents made. Everyone has the choice to break or continue the cycle. I hope you achieve everything you set of to do, best of luck! ๐Ÿ™‚

The topic ‘He gave me a …Timeline??’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors