He ghosted after 5 months of talking everyday. Am so hurt and heartbroken.

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
4713 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Don’t fall in love over the internet with a stranger. You wasted 5 months of your life with someone you have never met or talked on the phone with. You got a good life lesson. Time to learn and move on. Don’t make the same mistakes again. 

Post # 4
11986 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

You weren’t in a real relationship, you were in fantasy land. And yes, from your update, he was a complete stranger. 

Post # 5
242 posts
Helper bee

Edited after your update:

Honestly, this person could still be pretending to be someone you used to work with. Not wanting to speak on the phone with you (even for phone sex, as this person seems upsettingly horny) is really really weird.

You were not at all being rude. You weren’t being needy. This person is not worth any more of your time. 

Post # 6
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

optimisticstar :  honey this is not a relationship. It’s either a married man or a total catfish. Either way, you are free and relatively unscathed. Chalk this one up to a lesson. You knew this wasn’t normal behavior. Stay far far away from this kind of setup going forward.

Post # 7
4484 posts
Honey bee

But am surprised as to why would someone play for 5 months in the name of love when I was clearly always telling him that I am looking for serious relationship


Why are you surprised?  He clearly told you at the beginning that he was looking for FWB or hookups and yet you clearly continued talking with him and eventually indulging him with sexting instead of moving on right then and there.  That blame door swings both ways.  No one forced you to keep talking to someone who told you right from the start he was interested in hookups, not relationships.

You weren’t in a relationship.  You built up random chit-chat to be more than it is.  He kept it going because pretending to be in an online relationship with you is way easier than being in an actual relationship as it requires almost zero effort or actual commitment while not having to deal with annoying quirks and bad habits and having to actually face someone in person.  And you were gullible enough to take it seriously enough to send him pics to whack off to while he likely kept up his FWB and hookups in person because again, playing pretend online is really easy and allows you to convince yourself you have all of the commitment for practically none of the effort.

Move on and if you’re going to look towards trying to find love online/by phone, then make sure it’s with someone you actually have a shot of seeing in real life within a time or two of online chatting to determine if it is worth pursuing instead of wasting five months.  And also believe people when they tell you who they are instead of ignoring it.

Post # 8
810 posts
Busy bee

optimisticstar :  Bee, the guy told you he was in love with you when all he knew of you was through texting. You were naive. He got a few photos, and got off, and that’s all he wanted from you. Please be more careful with your next relationship. Maybe online dating isn’t the safest way for you to go about meeting someone, or at least be a bit more savvy when building a relationship with a stranger online. 

Post # 9
674 posts
Busy bee

optimisticstar :  

You did not have a relationship, you had a penpal.

Please take clear note of what I am about to say, write it down and put it on your kitchen wall, tattoo it on the inside of your arm, whatever you need to do:

If you are not seeing each other in real life, you do not have a relationship.

That means, no talking about the future, no developing feelings, no saying “I love you,” none of that.

It is extremely unwise to text endlessly with someone you have no imminent plans to meet in real life. It might make you feel good and wanted for a moment, but that will come crashing down when you realise how easily they can disengage and disappear.

You literally have nothing if all you are doing is texting. Honestly, you asked to talk to this guy on the phone back in March, April? What were you still doing texting him (sexting him) 2 or 3 months later without that phone call? You do realise that phoning someone and seeing them in real life are not extraordinary feats for a person? People do it every day.

Post # 10
4527 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

optimisticstar :  sorry OP but you were just a a free cam girl and sexting piece for this guy. He’s an asshole who basically used and Manipulated you into playing that role for him.

Take this as a life lesson and don’t sext or send sexy pics of yourself to people you don’t know or are not trustworthy or respectful of you.

Also another big tip… If you do send racy photos don’t ever include your face in the picture. You never know what can happen and lots of women and men have been caught out where their sexy pics have been posted on free porn sites as revenge from a pyscho ex. No face shots ever!!

Post # 11
1027 posts
Bumble bee

Oh, bee. You are naive to think that this was a relationship.

Indigobee makes a very good point that “If you are not seeing each other in real life, you do not have a relationship.”

Also, bee, because you seem so gullible, please do NOT ever send money to someone you meet online. It’s bad enough you sexted with him (and let’s be real, we don’t even know it was actually the guy you thought it was) and he just used you to jerk off to.

I recommend that if you insist on online dating, please try to meet up within a week or two IN A PUBLIC PLACE with potential suitors (and let a loved one know where you will be) to avoid wasting your time like this.

Post # 12
1027 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Someone needs to call Nev because this is actually the first 10 mins of an episode of Catfish

Post # 14
8434 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

sbl99 :  Exactly what I was thinking! 

Post # 15
930 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Some people start online “relationships” with the intention that they’ll never be anything more than an online thing.  It could be because they’re bored,  because they’re not in a place to have a real relationship (whether because they’re already in a relationship or just can’t handle the things that come with a real relationship)  The reasons don’t really matter because the outcome is the same, an online fantasy relationship that never progresses to anything else.

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