He ghosted after 5 months of talking everyday. Am so hurt and heartbroken.

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
10675 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

optimisticstar :  

Bee, there is a show on MTV called “Catfish: the TV Show”.  Binge it.

You will learn far more there than we could ever begin to explain.

People get sucked into fake relationships for years online.  Getting out after five months is a triumph.

Post # 21
5563 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

You needed to back away when he first refused to talk on this phone.

You are obviously being cat fished, come on bee! 

Post # 26
860 posts
Busy bee

optimisticstar :  You mentioned he lives in the US. I do too. Did you know if you call a phone sex operator in the US, they charge $2.99 a minute? He was trying to get free phone sex. 

I am so sorry this happened, but it’s a good life lesson. I have a coworker who uses dating apps. 99% of the guys who contact her want sex, and that’s it. I am wondering if where you live, is it possible to leave the online dating scene for a while, and meet a nice guy in person? You sound like such a sweet, trusting person, and I worry you’ll fall for another creep. 

Post # 27
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Oh Bee I am sorry. But you are being catfished like the other pp’s have said. He may even be a she. It’s not uncommon for this to happen. It’s terrible. With alot of research you could find alot about this person. Trust me. It would just take alot of time. You could start with the phone number, reverse look up and take it from there.  I do alot of research on line. It’s very easy to find out who someone really is. Just know that you will get over this. Hugs.

Post # 28
9828 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Have you not seen Catfish? Probably wasn’t even a dude.


Post # 29
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

optimisticstar :  The guy is a player into porn, and wanted to use sexting you to get his fix. Reread your post, and if you still can’t see that, I would suggest some more reflection and maybe asking yourself why you were willing to settle for that. 

ETA – After reading your updates, it seems you understand what went wrong and it seems like your difference in culture made it easier for this guy to dupe you. Please remember in the future that if you’re going to be dating guys from a different culture, they can try to use your cultural differences against you, assuming you have some naïveté about how relationships in America or other cultures work and try to persuade you that “everyone does it.” The truth is that every culture is filled with people of different faiths, beliefs, and moral codes. Some people would not want to sext or have sex before marriage, whereas other people would. If you don’t feel comfortable sexting, there are people out there that share that view point. 

Post # 30
4499 posts
Honey bee

Except there should have been no repeated reminders or him suddenly falling for you two months later.  When he asked if you were doing FWB and random hookups like he was, he was basically feeling you out to see how easy you were going to be to do the same.

No one is saying trust no one ever.  That’s a miserable life.  But you need to be smart.  People have to earn trust and you need to be choosy.  All online interactions need to be met with a healthy dose of skepticism.  You can’t ignore shitty behavior (online or in person).  

You’ve admitted several times in your follow-ups that you basically ignored yourself when you saw red flags or shitty behavior.  Instead of asking why he kept talking to you even though you repeatedly said you wanted a serious relationship, ask yourself why YOU kept talking even though he kept demonstrating he wasn’t really committed.  For example, big red flag #1 was you asking him how he could be in love with you already just by text.  You know why you asked that?  Because deep down you knew it was suspect to toss it out there that casually to someone you’ve never spent any real time with and whose only interactions were carefully curated words on a screen.  And then he gave you a non-answer that “he just knows by the texts”.  He also didn’t keep any of his promises.  And he couldn’t be bothered to maintain a minimum of contact for long periods of time, even though a text to say “Sorry, I’ve been really busy” takes approximately 5 seconds to type.  Him pressuring you to engage in sexual-type conversations or photos when you weren’t comfortable (assuming you were clear in that) is another example of shitty behavior that should have ended things right then and there (someone who is interested in you, respects your boundaries).

Have self-respect and want better for yourself.  Don’t ignore red flags.  Don’t make excuses for shitty behavior.  If you want more than a pen pal, then don’t build the relationship only online and make sure that you actually meet (SAFELY).  You probably could have sussed out a lot of this way earlier in person or taken his reluctance to meet in person as a sign to end it, instead of building yourself a fairytale with words on a screen.

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