He ghosted after 5 months of talking everyday. Am so hurt and heartbroken.

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 48
Member
420 posts
Helper bee

optimisticstar :  Yes Bee! YOU GO GIRL!

 

You seem LOVELY, just taken advantage of and maybe a little naive, BUT you have done nothing but accept whats happened with grace and maturity.

You deserve so much more than what he was willing to give.

Post # 50
Member
8323 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Everyone has said it all really. I just want to add that l hope you don’t take ‘l’ll never trust anyone again/you can’t trust anyone’ as the lesson from this experience. As a pp said, that’s no way to live. Take instead the need to trust your instincts and to do more checks. And, probably, never to engage in sexting unless with an actual SO. 

optimisticstar :  

Post # 51
Member
9828 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Good for you! Check out meet ups to meet some nice guys in person. 

Post # 52
Member
10685 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

optimisticstar :  

Well done, Bee, well done.

A few takeaways I will send you.

First, if a guy tells you he’s been doing hookups and FWBs; there’s a lot of ick in that. It does not speak well of his character. If he’s really done with all of that and ready to settle down, perhaps he could exercise a bit of discretion and handle himself with a little class. And get STI test often.

When words and behavior don’t match up, ignore the words.

Don’t waste time chatting online with guys in faraway places. It sets you up to be catfished.  And, while you’re wasting time on a fantasy, you’re it out meeting someone with whom you could be compatible.

Post # 53
Member
930 posts
Busy bee

optimisticstar :  He could be catfishing you if youve never met in person. He can be a perv. Dont send photos, dont resume contact. 5 months past, make the next 5 months good ones by finding someone else. Honestly, bee. 

Post # 54
Member
2572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

optimisticstar :  Some people are just not good people. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. When it comes to dating, I think sometimes it’s good to be over cautious at first. 

Post # 55
Member
754 posts
Busy bee

optimisticstar :  “he kept pressuring me to share more of my pics with him both semi-nude/pics of my undies during sexting.”

 

Reading that was it for me. This is what he is. You somehow missed this GIANT RED FLAG. 

It’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes. Time to have learned from this experience that nothing WORSE happened to you (like date rape, etc.) Now you know better about sharing your nudie pix with strangers online.

I am truly sorry for your heart break and subsequent low(er) self esteem. Good news is that with time and lots of hard work, both will get better.

Post # 57
Member
1631 posts
Bumble bee

optimisticstar :  That is not remotely American culture. Do you have American friends? If you’re going to date American guys, I suggest you have many conversations with a variety of American friends who can explain to you how it works so that you don’t fall prey to people taking advantage of your naviete. It’s okay to be naive –you’re not American, after all — but I think esp. coming from an arranged marriage culture you’re in a position to have guys manipulate you. 

In general, in American culture, men chase, sure, but they tend to want to actually meet in person and spend actual time with you and in general if a guy tells you he loves you before he has spent at least a couple months spending time with you in person you should see it as a huge red flag. 

Post # 58
Member
754 posts
Busy bee

optimisticstar :  Just out of curiosity… the pix you sent over, did they show your face?

I had an former class mate with whom I reconnected on LinkedIn after several years of graduating from college. I was on the hunt for a job. And we never really hung out in college but I knew of him and of his friends circle. He didn’t at all seem the type to be asking for sexy pix. (Actually, he asked me to just have a video call in the nude. WTF?!) I did not entertain that at all but I felt insulted.

In school he behaved very religious and kept up with all the religious rituals and prayers. Now that alone does not mean anything but it was coupled with his mannerisms where he wouldn’t touch anyone, and was always polite and courteous. It really shocked me that he made that demand.

Lesson being that some guys are just damn anomalies. You can’t predict what they will turn out as. I was embarassed to have tried to connect with him on LinkedIn. I dunno why the ‘f’ I was embarassed!? But some of us women are like that. Now I have some more courage and self-respect. And hopefully you got some too.

 

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