Post # 46
strawberrysakura : He didn’t tell me he was looking for sex with me. He said he had done some hookups and FWBs for it, but wanted a serious relationship with me. Once he expressed his feelings, he said he stopped doing FWBs and hookups and wants to concentrate on us now. However his actions shows he mostly was looking for online FWB.
Post # 47
Thanks Bees for commenting on my post! I feel much better today. Also an update on whatever happened since yesterday and I ended it today with him.
Yesterday morning I asked him if we can talk over the phone in evening, he read it and didn’t send a single text for entire day. Later at around 11pm, he sends me a text saying he just got home and had a long day and was checking if I am available to chat, but he never responded to my question to talk over the phone. Since I had slept already, I didn’t respond and I didn’t send anything this morning as well. Around noon he dropped a crumb saying ‘Babeee’ and I ignored that as well. Evening he sent me a mad text saying he doesn’t like me not responding and asked where we are with everything. I told him that how I feel when he doesn’t respond to my questions(he has ignored answering many questions in past) and clearly told him that I am looking for something serious which involves talking on phone and meeting in person. And since this is not going anywhere, I am not interested in communicating with him any further. Deleted his number and if he harasses me, am going to block him too.
Post # 48
optimisticstar : Yes Bee! YOU GO GIRL!
You seem LOVELY, just taken advantage of and maybe a little naive, BUT you have done nothing but accept whats happened with grace and maturity.
You deserve so much more than what he was willing to give.
Post # 49
optimisticstar : This is fabulous! So proud of you!!!!
Post # 50
Everyone has said it all really. I just want to add that l hope you don’t take ‘l’ll never trust anyone again/you can’t trust anyone’ as the lesson from this experience. As a pp said, that’s no way to live. Take instead the need to trust your instincts and to do more checks. And, probably, never to engage in sexting unless with an actual SO.
Post # 51
Good for you! Check out meet ups to meet some nice guys in person.
Post # 52
Well done, Bee, well done.
A few takeaways I will send you.
First, if a guy tells you he’s been doing hookups and FWBs; there’s a lot of ick in that. It does not speak well of his character. If he’s really done with all of that and ready to settle down, perhaps he could exercise a bit of discretion and handle himself with a little class. And get STI test often.
When words and behavior don’t match up, ignore the words.
Don’t waste time chatting online with guys in faraway places. It sets you up to be catfished. And, while you’re wasting time on a fantasy, you’re it out meeting someone with whom you could be compatible.
Post # 53
optimisticstar : He could be catfishing you if youve never met in person. He can be a perv. Dont send photos, dont resume contact. 5 months past, make the next 5 months good ones by finding someone else. Honestly, bee.
Post # 54
- Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse
optimisticstar : Some people are just not good people. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. When it comes to dating, I think sometimes it’s good to be over cautious at first.
Post # 55
optimisticstar : “he kept pressuring me to share more of my pics with him both semi-nude/pics of my undies during sexting.”
Reading that was it for me. This is what he is. You somehow missed this GIANT RED FLAG.
It’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes. Time to have learned from this experience that nothing WORSE happened to you (like date rape, etc.) Now you know better about sharing your nudie pix with strangers online.
I am truly sorry for your heart break and subsequent low(er) self esteem. Good news is that with time and lots of hard work, both will get better.
Post # 56
queenie8119 : sarathemermaid : ladama : sassy411 : slomotion : elderbee : strawberrysakura : going2bmrsc :
Yeah it was biggest learning lesson for me. I feel like he is a player or a perv. Could be in a relationship or could be married. Am not sure how catfishers operate, but he had sent me over a dozen pics of his. Initially he used to share where he is gonna go over the weekend and then during the weekend he would share his pics from there. I think he was just doing bare minimum to keep me around for an online hookup or FWB and never wanted anything serious. From his texts he also seemed like a very egoistic person. So days when I was awake and I was avoiding sexting, he would try very hard to get it, and since I wasn’t falling for it, he would not send me good morning texts the next day or would hardly send/respond to my texts next day. So I am actually glad that we never met in person.
So he didn’t respond to me day before and yesterday whole day after reading me text and last night after 12:30 he drops me a message asking if I really don’t wanna talk(text) to him anymore. I read the message today and didn’t reply anything. 5 mins later, he sends me a text saying he got his answer and he won’t disturb me again. Am not sure if he felt bad or he couldn’t take me my message and wanted to dump me to feed his ego. Feeling a bit low right now for the way he responded but I have experienced this before as well, where he would try to blame me or make me feel guilty for everything.
Anyways, I have started working on myself and should be healed soon. 🙂
Post # 57
optimisticstar : That is not remotely American culture. Do you have American friends? If you’re going to date American guys, I suggest you have many conversations with a variety of American friends who can explain to you how it works so that you don’t fall prey to people taking advantage of your naviete. It’s okay to be naive –you’re not American, after all — but I think esp. coming from an arranged marriage culture you’re in a position to have guys manipulate you.
In general, in American culture, men chase, sure, but they tend to want to actually meet in person and spend actual time with you and in general if a guy tells you he loves you before he has spent at least a couple months spending time with you in person you should see it as a huge red flag.
Post # 58
optimisticstar : Just out of curiosity… the pix you sent over, did they show your face?
I had an former class mate with whom I reconnected on LinkedIn after several years of graduating from college. I was on the hunt for a job. And we never really hung out in college but I knew of him and of his friends circle. He didn’t at all seem the type to be asking for sexy pix. (Actually, he asked me to just have a video call in the nude. WTF?!) I did not entertain that at all but I felt insulted.
In school he behaved very religious and kept up with all the religious rituals and prayers. Now that alone does not mean anything but it was coupled with his mannerisms where he wouldn’t touch anyone, and was always polite and courteous. It really shocked me that he made that demand.
Lesson being that some guys are just damn anomalies. You can’t predict what they will turn out as. I was embarassed to have tried to connect with him on LinkedIn. I dunno why the ‘f’ I was embarassed!? But some of us women are like that. Now I have some more courage and self-respect. And hopefully you got some too.
Post # 59
queenie8119 : she never sent pictures.