(Closed) He Got the Ring…BUT my family is giving me grief!! Long Sorry

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
3942 posts
Honey bee

@Wifey Named Jules: Well, I was actually with my fiance when he bought the ring, so it definetly wasnt a surprise to me haha. I didnt tell my family or friends though, because we werent officially engaged yet.

I would just tell your family to back off a bit. There are tons of girls on these boards who know their fiance has a ring, or even helped pick it out. That doesnt mean the proposal or engagement will be any less special.

Post # 4
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It sounds like maybe the best thing in your situation might be to keep your family a little more in the dark. I know my family generally functions better when they know less of what’s going on, because otherwise there are often thoughtless/unkind remarks. I know it hurts to have them be so negative about what is supposed to be such a happy/exciting time.

Post # 5
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Ah, I’m sorry.

My fiance didn’t get to surprise me because not only did we know we would get married, but he let me pick out the rings I wanted. It just happened naturally and I was worried we wouldn’t have a “normal” proposal story…but everyone and every couple is different πŸ™‚ I wouldn’t change our story for anything.

Your family shouldn’t be giving you any grief in my opinion. They should be happy you two are deciding to make this commitment together, even if you aren’t totally surprised when he pops the question.

Post # 6
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

They’ll get over it. Its your life, your future family so that only thing that matters is what you think. There are plenty of women that pick out their rings before they get engaged. Darling Husband and I went to a jeweler and I picked out a few rings I liked, I leaned more towards one and told him to chose. He proposed a few months later and I had no idea it was coming! I didn’t know when he bought it like do, but I knew he was going to buy it in the near future. I wouldn’t worry too much about it, with wedding planning coming up, you’ll have to deal with much more unwanted opinions!

Post # 7
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think it is very common nowadays for couples to go ring shopping together.  My fiance & I looked at rings together, and we had a general timeframe of when we wanted to get engaged – but he picked out the final ring on his own & surprised me with the proposal.  I know lots of people who had similar proposal “situations.”

Try not to let your family’s opinions spoil the excitement for you.  If you’re happy, that’s what matters!  Maybe just explain to your family that you don’t care that you know which ring it is; what matters is that you & your boyfriend love each other and are making plans for the future together.  They should understand & support that.

Post # 8
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

You’ve just learned your first valuable lesson about engagement and wedding planning: only divulge details on a need to know basis. You will save yourself a lot of drama, arguments, and quite possibly preserve your sanity. Because when it comes to anything wedding-related, everyone believes you are entitled to their opinion. If you don’t want to hear it, don’t give them the opportunity.

Post # 9
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Yeah I would say back off on it until the official engagement happens. Congratulations in advance though!  Keep us posted πŸ™‚ 

Post # 10
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’ve learned over the years never to tell your family anything until after the fact, because everybody has an opinion!


Nothing wrong with telling you he bought a ring. It’s your business!

Post # 11
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I showed him photos of what I liked, knew that he bought a ring, and knew the timeframe that he was going to propose…but I didn’t tell my family any of that because I KNEW they’d have opinions about it that I didn’t want to hear. We did it our way and that was the best way for us πŸ™‚

Try to gauge how your family would react to news like that and hold off telling them until after the fact – that way all they can be is happy! πŸ™‚

Post # 12
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@linguo42: exactly!

Your family will get over it…I also was with Fiance when he bought my ring and it wasn’t a surprise at all. 

Post # 13
2808 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yea, I would stop volunteering info to your family. They sound like a bunch of killjoys πŸ˜› (and I mean that in the nicest way possible).

Also…..CONGRATS!!! Pics when you have them plz Laughing

Post # 14
1453 posts
Bumble bee

My ring was my grandmothers so I’ve seen it.  Heck I had to give it to him.  So my family totally knows along with a few select of my girlfriends.  I’m not sure his family knows, although they’ve all made comments that they want us to get married.  I’m sure somehow he’ll manage to surprise me.  We are on the year end plan so hopfully 90 days or less from now. πŸ™‚  Don’t worry about it like others have said many girls know.  I know, and both my girlfriends who recently got engaged knew.  It’s very common now.

Post # 15
361 posts
Helper bee

I’m throwing my towel in with PP and saying don’t tell your family anything until it’s hindsight. 

I picked my ring. My mister said he’d rather have me know what the ring looked like in a picture or on paper rather than risk the chance that I would hate it. Now he knows I will absolutely love the ring he puts on my finger and cherish it always. It is truly “me”. 

Like others have said, it’s common to go ring shopping. It’s a big purchase and a lot of guys suck at picking rings and want some help from the person who is going to be wearing it. Parents/grandparents are old fashioned. Don’t worry about it πŸ™‚

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