(Closed) He had sex in that bed…

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
1628 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it’s a bit of an overreaction unless he cheated on you in that bed (and your post suggests he did not). But, if it has you SO upset that you’re crying being in that bed, and he’s more than willing to get a new one, then get a new one! Problem solved 🙂 But I’d try thinking about why you’re having such a strong reaction–you don’t want to find yourself needing him to purge everything from his past!

Post # 4
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Everybody has a past. THose other women aren’t in the bed with you and he isn’t thinking about them when he is with you. I honestly never once thought about that whan Darling Husband and I started dating and I KNOW for a fact he has had relations with other women in that bed. In fact we still have the bed in our house now.

I think you need to find a way to get past this. The bed is just an object, you will still struggle with those feelings even if you get rid of it.

Have the two of you been together very long?

Post # 5
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think its perfectly normal, and I would feel the same. Seems like you two have communicated and he is willing to ditch the bed. Do you think its the fact that he has had past partners in general, or its just the bed. If so, then you might want to go to some counseling or speak with someone about things.

Post # 6
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It may seem silly to you but I think your feelings are legit. Personally, I’d feel the same way. If something is genuinely bugging you about the bed, I’m glad you brought it up with him and he understands. I think his answer also answers your question, he is eager to move on with you enough to throw away the past. Sounds like a thoughtful man! 

Post # 7
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I can’t relate to this b/c I personally don’t feel the same way. My husband & I (then BF/FI) slept on the same bed for 4 years that he used to get busy with other girls on. But it still never crossed my mind.

Post # 8
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Maybe because my husband and I started out super-broke, I don’t see this as an issue.  He had a bed before we met, he moved several apartments with that bed, and then we moved in together with that bed.  Finally, after being together 4 some-odd years, we bought our own bed.

Post # 9
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well considering the other post you recently started, it seems you have some issues with insecurity.  How long have you been together?

Post # 11
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

If you’re crying when he’s not there because he had sex with other women in that bed, you should probably be in some kind of counseling.

Feeling a little jealous is normal, what you’re doing is not.

Post # 12
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I had somewhat simailar issues when Fiance and I started dating…his house and bed were the ones his son was conceived in (ex moved out when they split)…it bugged me a lot knowing that (and him for some time also).  After a couple months, when we moved in together, we ditched it and used mine.  He knew it bothered me so he had no issues with getting rid of it.  After that, no issues! 

I will say, it never bothered me with any other of my exes knowing other woman had been there before me. 

Post # 13
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I never gave it a thought about our bed that was once my FH’s bed. It just never occurred to me. Actually it still doesn’t bother me. I had previous relationships and so did he – so what? It’s just furniture.

Post # 15
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Paigey:  Agreed x 2. 

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