Post # 1
So, I have been stalking the bee for a while now but this is my first post. I basically just need a place to vent/complain. My SO and I have been together for just over 4 years and moved in together in the middle of November. We are both in our mid twenties. He has started his career and I am working part time and am a full time graduate student. We are both on the same page about marriage and have had the timeline talk. SO said that he sees us married in a year when we talked just after new years (I don’t think he understands how long it takes to plan a wedding so I took that as he sees us engaged within a year). He says he has been saving for a ring and it is really important to him that he is the one to propose and he wants to do it on his own terms (such as with a ring that he sees fit even though I have very openly expressed to him that the ring is not important to me- I just want to start my forever with him and I would be happy with a very cheap ring or no ring at all and even mentioned other stone options like moissanite if he wanted). However, he is very adament about the ring issue as I think he sees it as a status thing for the man. He had about $750 saved up right now but found out today that his car needs a serious repair that is going to cost almost $900!! So, now, he must empty the ring account on his car. I understand that he must get his car repaired and that it definitely takes precidence over a tiny piece of jewlery. It just makes me sad that this will push everything back to level 0 and he has to start saving from the begining again. Who knows how long it will take now. I just wish he would understand that my desire to marry him has nothing to do with a ring and that I would be happy to elope with him right this very second if I could- no ring, no fancy dress- just he and I devoting our lives to each other forever. *sigh* Rant over. Thanks for reading.
Post # 3
Maybe after this setback he will realize and accept that you’ve said you don’t want to wait any longer and it will work out 🙂 try to stay postive. These pop up expenses sure do suck.
Post # 4
Why not make a deal with him and you buy the ring, give it to him, and he can propose? That way you get the ring you want, you don’t have to wait for him to save up more money for a ring, and you get engaged! Sorry that this happened to you but I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. You guys can always just get engaged without a ring and just buy one down the road later. I bought my own ring and my Fiance never actually proposed to me, instead we just had a nice long chat and had a mutual agreement. After that I went looking for a ring that I thought was nice and bought it myself!
Post # 5
Have you guys considered a cheap stand in ring while he’s saving? If being engaged is so important to you, you could always do ringless or a stand in until enough money is saved to buy the real deal.
Post # 6
This story sounds so familiar. My SO also wants to pay cash for the ring. He always saves up a substantial amount, but then things pop up and he has to dip into his savings. Try talking to him again about the ring and if it is truly necessary for a proposal. If it is, just wait it out! It will happen.
Post # 7
I get that the ring isn’t important to you, but it is to him too. I just want to caution against rushing and riding over this feeling of pride many men take in the ring buying. It’s my opinion that this is a great trait in a husband and you want to encourage it. It’s much more important that your whole lives be spent with him feeling confident and secure in his choices and behavior than with him feeling like it didn’t matter if he did this thing the right way.
It’s not like an extra year even is the end of the world so long as you are together. I know it’s frustrating and disappointing. I just think you’re making a lifetime investment in a good husband when you encourage the pride they take in doing their part or what they see as their part.
Post # 8
Do you need a ring to be proposed to and get married?
Post # 9
I just wanted to acknowledge that OP said she does not care about the ring and just wants to be married. It is her SO who is adamant about the ring, therefore pushing back engagement plans until he can afford it.
Can people stop acting like OP is materialistic or demanding or whatever? She just wants to be married and doesn’t need a fancy ring – it’s her SO who is insisting on a ring for the engagement.
Post # 10
How about a placeholder ring in the meantime? I got engaged with a $16 ring from Kohl’s…hahaha. I know some girls probably would have hated that, but the sentiment was behind it, so it didn’t matter much to me.
Not to get too personal, but is he opposed to buying a ring on credit? Lots of stores offer credit cards for jewelry (albeit some with crazy high interest rates). Might be worth it if he wants to do something simple and make payments.
Post # 11
Why don’t you suggest he gets a stand in ring just until he has enough money to save up for a nicer one?
Post # 12
I was going to mention the same thing as angieflux:
. There’s a few Jewelers he could get a credit card for and it’ll help towards any future purchases! Like a new car or a home since it’ll be building his credit. Or there’s a lot of stores that sell beautiful cz rings! He could propose with one of those until he can get back on his feet! Men are stubborn. I get that. Just try to keep in mind that he’s trying to be a man by doing it “right” and that is a noble gesture.
Post # 13
I understand you are upset. . I’m sorry – it IS a bummer. . .BUT you are only in your mid 20’s!!! You are in grad school . . there is plenty time for rings and being married! Focus on school and everything will fall into place in time!! Hang in there girl!
Post # 14
Thanks, guys. If I could convince him to do it without a ring or even with a stand in ring, I would. He feels that he needs to it the “right” way, though. And to him, that means with my forever ring.
You are right. It is a quality in him that I love. He is not ever willing to half-a$$ anything and wants to do things the right way the first time. I guess in this particular situation, his idea of “the right way” and mine are a tad different. I need to just accept that fact and go back out to find my patience hat. (They say patience is a virtue but I have never been that good at it! haha)
Thanks for the defense! 🙂
I might need to mention that one day. I don’t know if he would be approved, though. He doesn’t have bad credit, he just doesn’t have any credit! He was lucky enough that he didn’t have to pay a dime for school (so no school loans) and doesn’t have any credit cards. We put all of our bills in his name in hopes that might help to build some credit for him but its only been 3 months so far so probably hasn’t had an effect yet (if it wil at all).
I know I am young. I graduate next spring and will hopfully start my career next fall. But I would just like to get the ball rolling. I was really hoping that grad school would halp take my mind off of all of this, but if anything, I think this stuff has just taken my mind off of school instead (which is no good!!) But I’m trying!
Thanks, y’all. 🙂
Post # 15
Oh, that is terrible luck! Unexpected car repairs suck!
It may be worth financing your ring, if he can comfortably manage the payments, since he’s working on building credit.
Normally, I’d say no financing, but this is a special case.