Post # 1
I am writing this cos I am basically pulling my hair out and don’t know what to do. I have been with my bf for 5 years now and we have had a ring for 2 of them. To be fair he paid it off slowly so that was last October. Since we have had the ring we have bought and built a house together, travelled to Europe and have an amazing time together. we are in love more every day and are so close right now.
Yet he hasn’t proposed. He comes from a family that think that get cannot get married to young (even though we are turning 23). I know this has something to do with it but to me he just says that he is waiting for the right time. So what do I do? I stopped talking about it with him hoping that he would just want it as much as I do if given time but last night I just broke down. It has been a very emotionally draining 2 years for me and the longer he waits the more insecure I get.
I told him that I really wanted to be engaged before we moved in together but that was in December. Then he said “look before the end of the year don’t worry about it” well that was 5 months ago and then last night I said " do you actually want to marry me" and he was like of course I do I am just waiting for the right time! and he doesn’t know when or what to do yet! I just don’t understand after 2 years he still doesn’t have a plan!
I cannot give him up, but at the same time I don’t want to be one of those women that have been with the partner for 10 years and never get asked!
Post # 3
I’d be wondering what was up, too, if he had a ring for 2 YEARS that he was holding onto, i’d be going crazy, too.
Maybe he IS waiting for the right time, but he needs to know that any time can be "the right time". Also, maybe there is an underlying reason as to why he hasn’t proposed and you should be sensitive to that, despite what he says. Either way, I’d want to know what was going on, too, so you aren’t alone!
Post # 4
Yeah thanks. I just find it so hard cos he is really bad about talking about emotional stuff he just clams up and it’s hard to talk to him. I know that’s most guys but arrhh why my guy. Oh well
The hardest part for me is not knowing if I am pressuring into something he doesn’t want, or just pressuring him into getting of his butt and being more pro active about it, not just thinking it will happen!
He said that he is really disappointed in himself for making me wait so long. Now I just feel bad. But I cannot ignore this either it’s too big and it’s been there too long to just swallow down and forget about.
Post # 5
Hmm. I have thought about this and there was a similar post recently and my take on this is this..
Do NOTHING about it yet. Enjoy where you two are right now but set an internal timeline to pick up the subject again. If say in November he has yet to propose, I would ask him what is his plan for us and his intent? Make it clear you aren’t waiting forever.
also..how is the house titled? Is it in both names? How did you two handle this? that’s also important to recognize if things change.
But it sounds as if he will ask. Building a home and moving in takes ENERGY and focus. Men sometimes are imho, single focus people. My guy sometimes is so brilliant but can focus on one thing. Forest for the trees kind of vision.
If after November there’s no movement within say six months (make that a year directly from now) I would rethink options. Living together IS a huge committment as is buying a home together. I think he would do it by then hopefully.
Wishing you to much love and happiness ..and congrats on having a new home! That’s great!