He has the ring but will not propose

posted 8 months ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

This is so not ok. He does not get to hang this over your head, especially when this clearly means so much to you, and you committed so much already. At this point he clearly got cold feet and is stalling. 

Straight up ask him, when do you want to get married? Not, When are you going to propose? or When are we getting engaged?

An engagement means nothing. A ring means nothing. See if he’ll agree to an actual timeline for marriage. Set a wedding date, and tell him he can do the official proposal a few months before that so you can spend some time being officially engaged.

If he balks at the marriage timeline, I’d leave. It is so messed up of him to get your hopes up, lead you on, and keep this hanging over your head under the guise of waiting for the perfect moment. He’s ruined so many good moments by making you question his ability to commit.

He has held onto this ring for over half a year. That is not normal. You deserve better.  

Post # 4
Member
10212 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Take the ring when he isn’t looking. Tell him you’re the captain now. 

Post # 5
Member
551 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
slomotion :  This is an excellent plan.

I get your frustration, because he is being a knobhead about this. Is he the kind of guy who would purchase an expensive, diamond-encrusted object and then never put it to good use? If so, you may have bigger problems looming. 

Post # 8
Member
10212 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I mean, if you’re down I could totally help you concoct a plan to steal it from his parents house and have a totally epic reveal where you give him some sort of witty one liner. 

View original reply
inadillema :  

Post # 9
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

View original reply
inadillema :  “The perfect moment” for him? I hate seeing women go through this. Shame on him for putting you through this. Tell him straight up you don’t need the “perfect moment”. Because in your eyes, if I am right it would be when he proposes. Your going to get to the point where you resent him because he is holding on to the ring and waiting for nothing. The first night in your new house together would have been the “perfect moment” new home and new life together. 

Post # 10
Member
794 posts
Busy bee

I’d take the reins back, sit down and have a very straightforward conversation. No tears, no whining – just straight up adult no-bullshit talking. If he can’t come up with anything REAL productive, I’d take that as a cue that your feelings don’t matter and make a decision to move forward with this dude or not based upon that. How absurd. 

Post # 11
Member
794 posts
Busy bee

((And honestly…I’d consider his waiting around to be a pretty big clue as to his consideration of you, your plans and your feelings.))

Post # 12
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Tennessee

He should have never told you that he went and picked out a ring and that you will really like it. And no you can’t see it till I decide when I will propose. You should just be up front and honest and let him know you need to have a heart to heart talk about this and let him know the anxiety it’s causing you. And that this could turn into  resentment and you love him and don’t want that. It’s honestly very rude to play with the emotions of someone you love. I’m sorry he’s doing this and I hope the both of you have a wonderful outcome very soon 🤞🏼☺️

Post # 13
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Just say: “we are getting married on xyz date. There. We are engaged to wed. Now where is my ring?”

Post # 14
Member
1606 posts
Bumble bee

Ultimatum time. He lost his chance to surprise you. 

Post # 15
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: City, State

He did buy the ring very early on in our relationship”

 

 

So November was early on in your relationship? I’m confused, does this mean you’ve been together less than a year and you’re considering leaving him because he hasn’t proposed? 

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