He has the ring, impatiently waiting

posted 11 months ago in Proposals
Post # 16
Member
2060 posts
Buzzing bee

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@lyni12:  I completely disagree. Per OP’s post, they started looking at rings *3 years ago*. He finally has a ring. And now he’s pulling out a bunch of excuses on why he won’t use it. Not “can’t” but “won’t”.

Hes had years to think of how he wants to propose. There is no need to involve his sister and other family regarding a decision between the two of them as a couple. I have no idea why he waited so long to do these things he insists upon anyways- why did he have to wait for the ring to arrive to discuss engagement with them? And even so, he still hasn’t done it and doesn’t seem to have any plans to do so any time soon. 
He likely knows OP is anxious.

The excuses you’re throwing out only apply to couples who want OTT, theatrical proposals- OP did not mention that she requires an Instagram-worthy moment with balloons and a photographer and an elaborate flash mob. 

So to keep OP waiting even longer for arbitrary reasons seems cruel to me. If he’s already been putting off the discussion with his sister for months then it doesn’t sound promising that he will propose any time soon. And that’s ridiculous.

We need to hold men accountable, not make excuses for them and give credit where it isn’t due 

Post # 17
Member
2060 posts
Buzzing bee

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@lovenatsbaseball:  a man who prioritizes a special moment over your feelings of anxiety is someone I would rethink marrying.

He knows you’re going crazy over this. And he still seems to insist on these flimsy excuses. And he’s not actively making any plans to accomplish these things. That is very concerning.

It would be different if you insisted on him talking to your parents and he was making plans ASAP. 

If I were you I’d ask him why discussing engagement with his sister and your parents is more important than discussing it with *you* and actually proposing?

Why do you come last when it comes to discussing the progress of your own relationship? 

He’s not marrying his sister or your parents. You should come first. They can find out after the engagement. 

I would get to the bottom of this 

Post # 22
Member
822 posts
Busy bee

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@lovenatsbaseball: 

With your updates I’m not anymore confident that he wants to get married. A lot of people have family members with mental health issues and it doesn’t stop them moving on with their lives, getting engaged, married, having children. 

If you are worried about your fertility DO NOT let him waste your time dragging his feet. Tell him if he genuinely wants to marry you, he is to have that ring on your finger by Tuesday and a wedding date booked by the weekend.

An elaborate proposal is not required, it doesn’t make the moment any more special. My husband proposed to me when we were walking the dog and it was perfect for us. He picked up the ring and I said I wanted him to surprise me with the proposal in the next two weeks. He proposed after 10 days.

 

 

Post # 24
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: Calgary, Alberta

I wouldn’t stress too much! It’s only been a month since he bought the ring right? I definitely think he wants to marry you. Afterall, he got the ring! He may not realize just how stressful this is on you, and hopefully the fact that you’ve been open with your feelings will make him realize he should do it sooner rather than later 🙂

Post # 25
Member
10628 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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@ashmuttz:  

Well l hope you are right, though personally l think you are being far too lenient regarding both his intentions and actions. He probably does want to marry OP sometime and certainly he loves her . But as for him not knowing / realising she is unhappy and anxious about these curiously obscure reasons for delay, if he doesn’t know or realise he damn well should . This is not a six month old relationship, they have been together years .

I hope he wakes up and is either honest about not wanting to get married, or, much better, makes good his intentions and promises before OP gets to the stage of feeling like she’s getting a shut up proposal. This is another case demonstrating clearly how much better it is to make these realtionship decisions and action a shared and equal affair rather than this hiding of rings and ‘planning’ of proposals by the man while the woman waits helplessly and, increasingly, resentfully for it to happen. 

Post # 26
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: USA

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@lovenatsbaseball:  I think it’s weird that he wants to wait until he talks with his sister? Her issues and your engagement have nothing to do with each other… this is about you two, not about her. I would definitely call BS on the excuses. If you’re always waiting for the “right time” to move forward with your life goals, you will be waiting forever. He needs to just grab the ring and ask you. 

Post # 27
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

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@lovenatsbaseball:  I think being aloof and confident about it sort of a devil ,any care attitude my worry him to the point of thinking you may be changed your mind.  That in itself may inspire an expedited proposal. 

Post # 28
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

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@missmollybee:  Agreed!  No need to triangulate a sibling into this. He’s marrying you not her. 

Post # 30
Member
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Yay! Congratulations!

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