(Closed) He has the ring. Just waiting to ask my father? So anxious…advice PLEASE!!!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
361 posts
Helper bee

Take deep breaths and remember, he isn’t asking for your dad’s permission – he’s asking for his blessing. He can still ask you to marry him even if your dad thinks you should wait. 

I would be going INSANE. 

Post # 5
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Regarding Father saying no, I had a friend that it happened to – only the SO was just asked to wait (they had just graduated from college).  The daughter thinks it was really because of financial reasons though.  He did wait, proposed 2-3 years later, and that time didn’t ask for blessing.  Maybe you can communicate to your mom/dad that a no would really be upsetting?  I dunno, it’s tricky. 

So I had a friend in a similar situation as you with regards to religion.  She converted to LDS and got married to another LDS person.  Her mom couldn’t see the ceremony, but all of his family could be there.  My completely unsolicited advice regarding this aspect from the sidelines, for what it’s worth….  First, it helped that she had a ceremony after at the reception where they basically went through it again that everyone could see.  She also bought a white dress just for that (she had to wear something else for the temple ceremony).   Second, it really upset her mom that she couldn’t be there…and most upseting was the fact that everyone from his side could be present.  So, I’d just suggest thinking very carefully about who you have present for the temple ceremony.  But they had both been on their missions and were very committed to this, so it was super important for them, just like it sounds like it is for you.

Post # 7
361 posts
Helper bee

You know, I’m not LDS, and I don’t know anybody who is, but do you have to have his family there? I know a lot of couples who run off and elope and then have a huge wedding later. IMO, if you don’t want to offend your family, you could always have a private temple ceremony and then keep the “his family” and “her family” on equal footing. Religious conviction can be a very tricky thing, I agree with talking to your parents and explaining to them that not giving their blessing won’t stop what God has put into motion, but you would love to have their support for this next huge step in your life. 

Post # 8
272 posts
Helper bee

Hello fellow Tallahassee bee!  Tough in the south, isn’t it?  I’ve got a conflict of my own, being Catholic, and my SO comes from a very mixed-religion family.  My family’s Catholic church is very strict on only members marrying and taking premarital classes, so we would be in an odd situation as well.  Not quite the same, but I feel your pain.  It is lovely that you have embraced a tradition of worship that is so important to you, and I truly hope your family can see past the minor setback and give you the full go-ahead in marrying the man who makes you happy.  My sister waited until she finished her PhD and I know that she wishes she had married sooner.  I think you should do whatever makes you happiest!  Safe to assume you’re a Nole, then? Wish ya the best

Post # 10
843 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Ms.Pink:I don’t have any advice on the waiting but just saw you’re a nole….ME TOO!!  Undergrad and Masters!!  I bleed garnet and gold!

Post # 11
20 posts
  • Wedding: September 2011

I just want to say that I think you’re doing a superb job at waiting patiently. A really good friend of mine found her ring and trust me quit looking! It wasn’t nearly as exciting for her when the time came. She actually seemed quite disapointed.

I would be happy that he’s waiting to ask your dad, nerves or not. It shows he cares that he has your family’s blessing and that shows a lot of respect. You think you’re nervous? Just imagine what he’s thinking!! That’s probably why it’s taking him so dang long! Funny story, I acutally caught the tail end of my fiance asking my dad… he walked away all sweaty and flushed… I couldn’t figure out why he was all wierd until 15 minutes later. Trust me, the wait will be soo worth it. Don’t worry be happy! It’s coming! Wink

Post # 12
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Just wondering…. what would your boyfriend do if your dad said NO?  Would he still ask you anyway?  If he would and you really think there is a good chance that your dad will say “no”… I really suggest he skip asking your dad.  It would be a lot more disrespectful and upsetting to your father to have his specific wishes ignored than to not be asked at all. 

Post # 13
1088 posts
Bumble bee

I’ll say a prayer that your Dad says yes and your SO asks soon! 

Fingers crossed all goes well!!!

Post # 14
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Does your dad have any idea that the question is coming? It seems like a no is a lot more likely if he’s shocked and not expecting it at all. I know that my dad totally still sees me as his little girl and all of that, so I did let him know we’d probably be getting engaged soon, and I think my mom talked to him a bit as well.

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