(Closed) he has the ring/ you helped pick the ring- Is there a point to the proposal?

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 16
2453 posts
Buzzing bee

We talked about it and looked at rinds together and I was even taking about venues. I knew/had an idea of when he was going to propose because he was acting super weird. He came home from work and I thought its happening tonight! We walked the dog at a local forest preserve. It was snowy and cold but our dog is out baby so anything for her. Well we got to a hill that overlooks the lake and he said hold on I have something for you. And gave me this handmade gift of all the reasons he loved me. It was super romantic. Then he asked me to marry him. Even though I knew it was happening I thought it was going to be later. I also had no idea he was making me a homemade gift. It was absolutely perfect aND having our pup there made it even more amazing. The point is, you don’t know everything, I knew exactly what ring I was getting, exactly which day, and it was still a suprise. Even though you have an idea, it doesn’t change the feeling that you get when he actually asks the question. 

Post # 17
11303 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

We went ring shopping, bought the ring, resized the ring, picked up the ring & put the ring on me so I certainly was not expecting a proposal.

But I got one anyway & it was a complete surprise.  Nothing elaborate, just a down on one knee Will You Marry Me at my house.

I sure never saw that coming.

Post # 18
1321 posts
Bumble bee

We picked out and bought the ring together, and he gave me a timeline. He waited till the last possible weekend, so I knew it was coming.

And still, when he got down on one knee in front of a few of our close friends, I bawled my eyes out. I knew he had the ring all this time, we were making wedding plans, and it was still one of the most special moments I’ll remember forever. Like you know you are getting married before that, and some people do just say “Okay! Ring is here, here you go” but (and this maybe shallow or vain of me) I think a lot of the happiness is celebrating with people you love, so the joy of saying “he proposed! he did this blah blah blah..” to friends and family is half of the excitement. That’s the way it was for us at least, kind of a way of including everybody in the joy. Of course, other people will say we announced it after deciding together with no grand gesture, and that’s fine, just wasn’t our cup of tea. something to think about πŸ™‚

Post # 19
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
fianceinwaiting:  I think knowing it’s going to happen is not a bad thing, so many people say that they don’t know, don’t discuss and never are proposed to. At least this way you know it is absolutely in the cards, plus you know that the ring is what you want and won’t have to go through the whole I don’t love the ring, how do I tell him scenario!

For what it’s worth, my Fi and I discussed marriage and rings, I was heavily involved in the choosing process. He wanted to make the gesture of a surprise proposal though due to what it symbolised to him, showing me how much I mean to him and how much he wants to spend the rest of his life to me. He surprised me completely with the proposal and it was absolutely beautiful, another cherished memory that we now have.

Post # 20
239 posts
Helper bee

This is our situation. I expected a complete surprise but ending up picking my ring out. I used to side eye girls who picked their ring out but I get it now, it just makes sense so you like this expensive piece of jewelry you’ll wear forever. I’ll probally know when he gets the ring too since he’s saving for it, and it’s saved on my Etsy favorites. It’ll be a surprise when, where, and how he proposes. Ultimatly I see a proposal as a formal way of decalring your love to someone and asking for their hand in marriage. Just like a wedding is a formal event that shows the couple is marrying as opposed to just signing a certificate. You’ll still get the romance πŸ™‚ and of course your life with him.

Post # 21
3029 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I really don’t care honestly…then again, I’m so picky with jewelry that I know he was relieved when I helped find the right ring.

We have to wait months for it to be custom made so it will still be a surprise for me not getting to see the final version until he proposes.

Personally, I’m just happy to be marrying the man I am. I know I’ll be so happy and have “butterflies” when he has the ring and can officially ask.


So, I would say just focus on the positives and be glad he isn’t picking something you may hate lol. 

Post # 22
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I’m on the other side of this… I was quite shocked once I was engaged and came on Weddingbee seeing how many women knew a ring was sitting in their bf’s drawer and they were just waiting for the “official” proposal. I will admit that the man having to do all the work is somewhat old fashioned but I knew my boyfriend was gonig to be the one proposing and buying the ring, so that’s how we both envisioned and wanted it. I personally would hate hated if I knew he had a ring and feel that, for me, it would have felt much less romantic.

Months – or even years – before he bought the ring my then-boyfriend asked what kind of ring I liked and I showed him pictures. I am not overly picky but I definitely have a preference. And honestly, it was super romantic to me that he was able to take my tastes into consideration and picked the perfect ring all by himself. It just added that extra level of romance that made me feel really special, that he spent several months planning out the scret proposal.

I’m sure for people who know a proposal is coming, there’s still room for it to be a romantic proposal or to happen at a special time, but I personally find it less special. 

Post # 23
5187 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

View original reply
fianceinwaiting:  Everyone has different expectations when it comes to proposals and weddings. To some, it’s not a real proposal if you already know the details. Likewise, to some it’s not a real wedding if you exchange your vows at the courthouse. IMO if 2 people have made a mutual decision to get married they’re engaged, no ring or romantic speech required. When you think about it what’s the point if you already know your partner is going to say yes?

Post # 24
76 posts
Worker bee

This is pretty much my exact situation… I picked out the ring, we orderedit online.. had it sent to my parents house since we don’t live in the US… we’ll be there in a few days snd my bf will get the ring. I’m also pretty sure when he’s going to propose (well, a 3 day window) so there really isn’t going to be much of a surprise. That said, I’m pretty sure it will still be romantic and I will probably still cry when he asks… my boyfriend is pretty romantic and sentimental so I can imagine him saying some sweet things to get those tears flowing πŸ™‚ 

Aaaand.. I have to add.. he already mentionee that he’s going to be super nervous.. even though he obviously knows I’m going to say yes.. so that to me already makes it a bit romantic even though the element of surprise might not be there πŸ™‚

Post # 25
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Just to share my experience – I knew when Fiance received my ring but he kept me waiting a couple of months and caught me off guard with the proposal. Was really lovely, really exciting and tearful and one of the best days – I was on cloud 9 for ages. 

Good luck bee – I hope you enjoy!

Post # 26
67 posts
Worker bee

We ring shopped together and had a lot of fun doing it that when the ring finally came, we were both excited to see the final product.  A real proposal was important to him though so he did propose a few weeks later “officially” πŸ™‚ 

Post # 27
5870 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
fianceinwaiting:  I think the situation your in is totally typical, althogh it’s not what we see in the movies!

So what’s teh ponit?  There isn’t really one, except to have a fun romantic moment.  You two have already decided you are going to be married and have taken signifigant steps.  if both you and he wat to have that romantic moment, then he should go ahead and plan a surprise proposal.  Will it be a complete surprise?  No.  But it can still be really fun and emotional and romantic.

If you both feel that there’s no point, then talk to him about it, put the ring on your finger, and let people know your engaged!

There is no right way!  The sooner your let go of some of that romantic notion the better (although trust me, I get it).  There’s no use in being bitter when you’re really the luckiest girl in the world πŸ˜‰

Post # 28
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I picked out my ring, so I knew he had it. But I didn’t know when, where or how, so it’s not like it was any less of a surpirse. To be honest, I think knowing that I would absolutely love the ring meant that I could enjoy the proposal more! I know that if DH had picked the ring himself, I would never have gotten what I wanted (a flower cluster).

Anyway, DH bought the ring when I was there (so I could show him which one it was!) and we had it sized directly after). That was in August or September or something. He’d always said he would never do a public proposal, and he told me that it wouldn’t be before my birthday, which is in March. Then he went and proposed on a plane in December! It was a complete shock and surprise, and no less romantic or wonderful than if I hadn’t known. 

Post # 29
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I designed my ring, knew when it was delivered to our house AND knew he brought it with him on our vacation last week and still cried and felt as many butterflies when he proposed as if I had not known all the little details. I hadn’t seen the ring in person, so that was a fun surprise to see it up close, and it was still absolutely beautiful and lovely the way he snuck around to set everything up. I cried my ugly tears and it’s all captured in pictures (good job, babe!!) and despite me knowing so many of the details it was still magical and absolutely better than I could have imagined!! 

Post # 30
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I pretty much picked out my own ring and knew when the proposal was coming but it was still so special to see him down on one knee asking me to marry him. It was still romantic and I still cried even though I knew it was coming. 

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