- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014
Ok, so this is a bit long, and perhaps a little self-indulgent and word-vomity, but I just wanted to kind of get it out there.
So, last time I updated, I wrote about how SO was showing pictures of family rings to my best friend, and then eventually showed those pictures to me. The ring looked perfect and amazing! I was so excited.
About a week later, SO brings out a small box as we’re eating breakfast one morning. He takes out two little silk bags with rings in them. (It’s very casual, so I know that this is NOT him proposing, ha). His sister had sent him 4 family rings in total, including the one that was what I had described as my “dream” ring setting (including a large, beautiful diamond!) As we look at them, however, I notice that the ring I like is lighter than it had looked before, and slightly discolored around the prongs. It appears to be 14k gold (we had decided we both wanted 18k yellow gold, following Vietnamese tradition and personal taste), and possibly damaged.
He also tells me that the diamond in the ring I love is fake. *sigh*
Only one of the rings has the real diamond, a small round. Don’t get me wrong, I would be great with the small diamond! The only problem is that the setting that I had liked in the picture is quite WIDE, and the diamond would look rather weird set alone in it. And neither of us want a cubic zirconia, for durability reasons. He’s set on me having a diamond, and (despite the moissanite die-hards that I totally respect) I have to admit that I would like a real diamond. Just a personal thing.
So anyway, we talk about being a little disappointed with the ring in person and try to come up with ideas to make it awesome. We look at loose diamonds on Blue Nile, and we agree that we both really like the Asscher cut. I say that he could get a smallish one and have it set in a halo on the setting, so it would be more proportional. He points at an asscher that is $3,000-3,500 and says, “That’s not so bad! I was scared to death that it would be, like, TENS OF THOUSANDS of dollars, but 3,000 is really doable!”
At this, I start thinking, I could have an awesome new setting (in 18k) AND a great diamond for $3,000. So I design one on Blue Nile, one on Brilliant Earth, and send it to him. He says “that’s pretty.”
He says that he was planning on proposing before Thanksgiving in order to be able to plan a wedding this summer. Now he says he will wait until the ring is right.
He keeps the rings on the headboard shelf at the head of our bed. The ring is 2 inches away from my head while I sleep for about a month. This causes some anxiety.
Fast forward to what I refer to now as “Horrible Tipsy PMS Night of Bad.” After having a few too many, I sit SO down (on the kitchen floor!) and ask him when we’re getting engaged. We have a pretty sweet conversation in which he reassures me that I “shouldn’t have any worries! I won’t keep you waiting five years! Or even a year probably!” I say something stupid and non-sensical like “I still want to be young and pretty when we get married!” Pretty dumb, right?
So then, I crawl up to bed, but he feels the need to eat. When he comes up to bed 30 minutes later, I’m all groggy and sleepy. I start to babble about being frustrated with worrying that he would wait a long time to propose, things escalated. He accused me of being a little wedding-obsessed and that I should “think about it less.” I started crying that it was the fact that I had no control over when it happened. He then proceeds to grab the rings and hand them to me, saying, “here you go! Are you happy now?” I cry more. He cries. I go sleep on the couch. It’s ugly.
The next morning, we hug and apologize to each other.
I say I “feel like a butt.”
He says that he feels horrible for escalating things and yelling at me. He says that the whole thing reingited his passion for getting married to me (seemingly paradoxically!) because I had been “a little too cool and collected about it up til now.” It’s true, bees, I had been really a bit too stoic about wedding-talk (despite my Pinterest), and I can understand how it could be diconcerting to him. But I was just trying to shut-it-up! 🙂 *sigh*
He then said that when we went to see his family for Thanksgiving, we would go with his mom to look at what we could do with the ring to make it my dream ring. His mom worked in the jewelry industry, so she has connections to get us a good price. I’m so happy with him, and I feel really silly for showing a bit of crazy when it was totally unneccesary. The ring isn’t even THAT important– I just want to have something we both like, that is meaningful to us.
ANYWAY, if you’ve stuck with me through this long ramble, thank you. My poll question is: what should we do about the ring?
Thanks for your thoughts and your patience, and for trying to make sense of this mess of a post! 🙂