(Closed) He Has the Ring…what are we waiting for?? (long, sorry)

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

If you are OK with not having an actual proposal, what about just putting the ring on one day and wearing it? I mean, he had it made for you, told you he was going to propose and you know where it is and have seen it multiple times. I know it’s a bold move, but if you’re sick of waiting then why not just do it? it might spark something in him that needed to be sparked in order to take the next step.

Post # 6
Member
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

First off, I love the reasons why you picked this particular literary character as your username, how appropriate!  I can only imagine your frustration since your guy already has the ring (mine is supposedly saving money, lol) but c’mon already!  Maybe he’s waiting for this special and miraculous moment to propose that only makes sense to him.  Or maybe he’s waiting for the holidays to pop the question.  I can’t give you any advice, but at least you 100% know it’s coming eventually.  Doesn’t it suck that we have no control over their minds and actions, arghhh?!  I hope it’s sooner than later.  Welcome to the Bee, and good luck!

Post # 7
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@penelope514:

WELCOME to the BEE!!

You have seen the ring and now you want it, I would feel the exact same way. But as a previous poster stated maybe he has other plans on how he wants to propose to you. How about give your SO a waiting period limit? I told my SO the other day that if he didn’t propose by his birthday, which is next year, I would be upset. Maybe you can give your SO a hint about when you would bring up the engagement talk again if he didn’t do it by a certain time frame. If he agrees until then try to keep quiet. GOOD LUCK!!

Post # 8
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

HAHA  I believe that I was THAT bee… My Fiance did a very similar thing with our proposal.  He found the ring in December while we were Christmas shopping and showed me- in DECEMBER.  He purchased the ring- in DECEMBER.  And yes, I made him show it to me when he brought it home from the jewelery store.  However, he waited until March to actually propose and I was literally a CRAZY woman. 

I know it’s so hard and you want to kill people for saying this, but if he has the ring and has been so open about marriage with you, he is going to propose.  Just give him his good time.  It’s hard to enjoy the waiting period when you’re so anxious all the time, but spend time with him and take the pre-engagement time to just relax and have fun together.  Wedding planning is NUTS and difficult and stressful!

It is coming.  Deep breaths.  xo Vanilla

Post # 10
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly, I don’t think you have to worry at all. No offense, but I think if you hadn’t brought it up at all, especially on your trip when you found the ring, he probably would have done it by now. It sounds like he just wants to plan the right proposal and things got in the way. If he’s working that many hours, etc… he has a lot going on in his life. But it definitely sounds like he is for sure about marrying you, just hang in there. It WILL happen and probably soon!!! I bet he just wants to plan the right proposal and catch you offguard.

I feel for you though, I’m in the exact same position as you. Bf picked up the ring back in March… and I am still waiting. πŸ™ I think guys just take long to do these things, it’s really scary I bet to plan a perfect proposal and finally do it!!!

I think you should give it a couple more months when things calm down for him, and then if still nothing, then talk to him. I’m very much on the fence right now about talking to my bf about what is going on, but it sounds like you’ve done that a few times already, so I’d wait it out a bit longer.

In the meantime, good thing you found this site πŸ™‚ Welcome!! It’s really helped me a lot through this whole process.

Good luck!!

Post # 11
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Ugh, I hate when men do this. Talk about marriage, the whole bit. I just told my guy, I’m in my 30’s. I don’t have months to BS around while you plan an elaborate proposal. I don’t even need a freaking ring….argh, this post just hits home to me. I hate being in your position. Knowing I am going to be married but not being able to move on and make plans for the wedding πŸ™

Post # 13
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@penelope514:Give it two more months. If he still hasn’t asked. I’d begin to slowly pull away. NOT break up with him! Just being less available. He needs to know what it feels like to not have you in his life as much. He shouldn’t need that much time, after all the time that he has had. If he really is penalizing you and that’s not just something you joke about, that doesn’t sound like it’s necessarily a very positive relationship dynamic to me.  

I think if he sees you begin to push back a little bit and make your needs known in ways that don’t include talking about them, he will begin to understand that you’re not such a “sure thing” that he can keep stringing you along indefinitely and only be attentive to his own timing. I know that as Christian women we are taught to be submissive, but he needs to have some respect for you as well. And if he shows that perhaps he doesn’t, well, it might be time to teach him some! I hope I don’t offend, and I’m not saying this is necessarily your situation–but it turned out to be the case with me that relationship progress happened far less when I did things for him and served him, and more when I demonstrated my strength and showed I had a little backbone.

And if it’s not that, and he really is just “not ready”, that’s legitimate–but he DEFINITELY owes you the benefit of an explanation. I mean, you’ve been together four and a half years! That’s a long time to be together if all you’re going to end up doing is blocking one another’s blessings. πŸ™

Please keep us updated. I’ll send a prayer your way.

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