(Closed) He hasn’t even checked on me…am I being irrational or expecting too much?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

Awwwww, ejs, I’m so sorry πŸ™ It would’ve been nice of him to ask you how you’re doing, for sure…It sucks to feel like he’s not there for you in this way…In my experience, a lot of times guys are very uncomfortable in these types of situations and don’t know what to do, so instead do nothing at all….It might be helpful to bring it up with him and just say what you need, such as a hug and some cuddling time together or something…I know it’s not the same as having him ask you but,,, ((((HUGS))))

Post # 4
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Awe! I am sorry! *HUGS*

Guys are so stupid sometimes and they really just DON’T get it!!!

I am similar to runrgurl I just tell him what I need when I need it or else I would make myself crazy waiting for it! I would just say why haven’t you asked how I am feeling today? He will probably be like OH SH** sorry….

Sometimes people can be really self involved and because you weren’t noticeably upset he just went about his normal day!

I am sorry you are having a tough day and the bee’s thoughts are with you and your family!!!!!

Post # 5
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ejs…I can’t imagine how emotional today is for you. I’m sure you hubs is wondering how you are doing, but just isn’t sure how to talk about it. Do you talk about your brother with him much? Maybe he doesn’t know that its okay to ask if your okay and talk about your brother?

(virtual hug)

 

Post # 6
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I’m sorry. πŸ™ My good vibes and hugs to you. 

Maybe he’s afraid to bring it up? Just in case you aren’t already thinking about it (I’m trying to think like a guy here… they can be pretty clueless but well meaning). I know I have to flat out tell my FH when I need support. He’s not so great at figuring it out, unfortunately. 

Post # 8
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Dang, I’m sorry. I hate to see people hurt. πŸ™ Go to him – tell him this. He needs to know. 

Post # 9
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Men definitely don’t make sense sometimes. Perhaps he thinks that mentioning it might upset you, so he’s trying to make it seem like a normal day? I know that we ladies get upset when something we were hoping for just doesn’t happen, but often men have no idea we wanted it at all. My guess is that he thinks the best way to handle today is by ignoring it. I don’t know. I’m so sorry about your brother! ::hugs::

Post # 10
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

i’m sure he’s aware that it’s a tough day for you. perhaps he’s struggling to figure out the right thing to do. men are generally uncomfortable with intense emotion – especially on things they can’t do anything to resolve. most don’t understand that a hug is enough. could you tell him you want a hug and see where he goes from there?

{{ejs}}

Post # 11
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

ejs, I’m sorry to hear about your hard time. Men are so hard to figure out. Some want to talk about everything and some don’t know how to open up at all. ((hugs)) I hope he has a card in store for you!

Post # 14
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

EJS- I think if I remember correctly, when you get emotional and need his support, he gets squidgy.  Seems to me he’s a guys guy who probably has the best of intentions but doesn’t know how to do this.  It’s going to take time and patience to teach him.  And no, you shouldn’t have to teach him, but it’s better than getting upset at him each time.

Hug ejs!

Post # 16
Member
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2008

I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time, ejs.  I know if I lost one of my brothers, I’d be heartbroken forever.  πŸ™  Stay strong.  πŸ™

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