Post # 1
Today has sucked some monkey balls. I had to work all day. As you all know, my little brother died in a car accident last January. Today would be his 21st birthday. It hasn’t been easy with the wedding and the anniversary and all that stuff and today’s his damn birthday. My best friend in California sent me the sweetest text message to let me know that my family and I are in her thoughts and that she loves me. I had coworkers ask me what was up, sensing the change in personality.
My husband hasn’t even asked how I was doing today.
He knows it’s his birthday b/c I mentioned it, too. Do I have to literally be crying and let my life fall apart for him to ask me how I’m doing or just check in on me on a tough day like this? That if I need him, he’s there to listen?
I’m kind of hurt he hasn’t done SOMETHING for me. That he hasn’t even inquired as to my emotional state today. Hence the title. I think I need a big hug =(. Are men usually this out of touch? I don’t know if it makes him uncomfortable or if he literally just has no idea what to do so he does nothing. =
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
Awwwww, ejs, I’m so sorry 🙁 It would’ve been nice of him to ask you how you’re doing, for sure…It sucks to feel like he’s not there for you in this way…In my experience, a lot of times guys are very uncomfortable in these types of situations and don’t know what to do, so instead do nothing at all….It might be helpful to bring it up with him and just say what you need, such as a hug and some cuddling time together or something…I know it’s not the same as having him ask you but,,, ((((HUGS))))
Post # 4
Awe! I am sorry! *HUGS*
Guys are so stupid sometimes and they really just DON’T get it!!!
I am similar to runrgurl I just tell him what I need when I need it or else I would make myself crazy waiting for it! I would just say why haven’t you asked how I am feeling today? He will probably be like OH SH** sorry….
Sometimes people can be really self involved and because you weren’t noticeably upset he just went about his normal day!
I am sorry you are having a tough day and the bee’s thoughts are with you and your family!!!!!
Post # 5
Ejs…I can’t imagine how emotional today is for you. I’m sure you hubs is wondering how you are doing, but just isn’t sure how to talk about it. Do you talk about your brother with him much? Maybe he doesn’t know that its okay to ask if your okay and talk about your brother?
Post # 6
I’m sorry. 🙁 My good vibes and hugs to you.
Maybe he’s afraid to bring it up? Just in case you aren’t already thinking about it (I’m trying to think like a guy here… they can be pretty clueless but well meaning). I know I have to flat out tell my FH when I need support. He’s not so great at figuring it out, unfortunately.
Post # 7
Well, we have this discussion every difficult holiday. On Christmas, he made me go to a movie with his friends (a bad one) and was really confused when I started crying and told him to take me home right away. I was upset he didn’t even ask if I wanted to go home, just took me. So we had that talk, then.
We had this talk on the anniversary of his death, too. I almost called in sick to work and he just said nothing until the next day when I told him.
On Christmas this past year I started crying in the car while he was driving and he said we could talk if I wanted to. But yeah, he looked terribly uncomfortable.
Too bad men aren’t born with a little bit of a woman’s sensitive side!
I need him to acknowledge it on his own accord, really. I feel like he’s being very selfish even though I know he’s obviously clueless!
Post # 8
Dang, I’m sorry. I hate to see people hurt. 🙁 Go to him – tell him this. He needs to know.
Post # 9
Men definitely don’t make sense sometimes. Perhaps he thinks that mentioning it might upset you, so he’s trying to make it seem like a normal day? I know that we ladies get upset when something we were hoping for just doesn’t happen, but often men have no idea we wanted it at all. My guess is that he thinks the best way to handle today is by ignoring it. I don’t know. I’m so sorry about your brother! ::hugs::
Post # 10
i’m sure he’s aware that it’s a tough day for you. perhaps he’s struggling to figure out the right thing to do. men are generally uncomfortable with intense emotion – especially on things they can’t do anything to resolve. most don’t understand that a hug is enough. could you tell him you want a hug and see where he goes from there?
Post # 11
ejs, I’m sorry to hear about your hard time. Men are so hard to figure out. Some want to talk about everything and some don’t know how to open up at all. ((hugs)) I hope he has a card in store for you!
Post # 12
He lives 12 hours away. I think he thinks it is easier to do nothing b/c he doesn’t actually have to see me face to face.
Post # 13
Wow, see? I just did the math…he’d have been 22. I knew it wasn’t adding up.
SIGH. Boy now I feel insensitive! He’s still 19 to me.
Post # 14
EJS- I think if I remember correctly, when you get emotional and need his support, he gets squidgy. Seems to me he’s a guys guy who probably has the best of intentions but doesn’t know how to do this. It’s going to take time and patience to teach him. And no, you shouldn’t have to teach him, but it’s better than getting upset at him each time.
Post # 15
squidgy, heehee. Thanks for making me smile!
Yes I know what you are saying. I don’t usually need his emotional support either, but when I do, i get disappointed easily. This is like, the one big thing. It’s been almost 5 years…I shouldn’t have to still keep teaching him and I’m not exactly in the mood to teach him a lesson tonight, either.
I think him knowing that i’m disappointed and all alone will probably be enough.
Post # 16
I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time, ejs. I know if I lost one of my brothers, I’d be heartbroken forever. 🙁 Stay strong. 🙁