(Closed) He hasnt helped with paying for anything

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Youch, that’s not good, and it really is something you NEED to discuss before you get married. Will you be carrying the weight by yourself once you’re married? I would definitely sit down and have a big heart to heart with him – this could create some big problems down the road.

Post # 4
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Marriage is the #1 cause of divorce. You guys need to work this out prior to marriage!

Post # 5
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Haha I assume you meant “money”? But yes, this is a HUGE issue that needs to get worked out before marriage.

Post # 6
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’d have a serious talk with him about both of your goals and responsibilities. Are they close enough to make it work? What about cutting the wedding budget if needed? Can you ask family or friends to help out? How will this work out once you get married and (perhaps?) have joint finances. It sounds like your 10x more responsible than him so make sure you both understand how things will work if you move in together after the wedding. Make sure your both being 100% honest – do you know where his money is going or do you think he’s hiding something? Are you aware of each other’s debt?

Post # 7
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I know I couldn’t come up with that kind of money to pay for our entire wedding.

If you can’t sit down with him and get a confirmation that he both has the money and will pay for the remaining items, then I’d consider other options. You can’t pay for all that on your own with no help.

Post # 8
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We joined our bank accounts once we were engaged. From then on out, all of our expenses (even though we don’t live together) are OURS. I think you need to talk to him about it.

Btw I couldn’t understand who “he” was until half way through your post. Write FI!

Post # 9
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would try have a big talk with him and tell him the stress your under from worrying about covering all the wedding costs yourself. It is a celebration you both want to enjoy and it is not fair to you that you have to work overtime to pay for everything. Tell him each paycheck to set “X amount of dollars” aside as soon as he cashes it. I don’t understand how he doesn’t pay any bills but, still seems to have no money? That would really piss me off. We have a joined bank account which we each deposit a certain amount of dollars each paycheck so we each cover our fair share of wedding costs. It shouldn’t be just one persons burden.

Post # 10
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Fiance couldn’t help financially contribute a lot for the wedding, but I’m okay with him doing the work to make up for that. Would you be willing to give him the leg work so at least he’s contributing to the wedding that way? My guy got his pay cut so he’s making enough to pay his mortgage, utilities and car, so I feel guilty accepting his money for the wedding..he’s paying for his suit, and the groomsmen attire and would contribute a few hundred here and there when he had money..but the majority of it is my money..luckily I have enough saved up for the wedding and I’m able to save more since I don’t have much in terms of bills.

Post # 11
Member
46402 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you can’t get him to step up and share the wedding costs, be prepared for him to continue to take advantage of you financially throughout the marriage.

Post # 12
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I agree you need to talk to him now before you get married, or else later he may expect you to continue paying for everything. And lets face it thats not a position anyone wants to be in. Good luck lady!!

Post # 13
Member
14481 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m a total believer of his money = your money, your money = his money in a marriage. One person should not be struggling, while the other sits back and does nothing. Have you always had money problems? Does he not pay for things ever? Do you struggle while he buys new things for himself with “his money”. If he wont actually pay, but has the money, can you just ask him for it so you can take care of the bills?? That is a legit financial compromise… you take control or just get a certain amount from him. You struggling to make ends meet and taking on the entire burden is NOT a compromise. Please settle this money issue ASAP!

Post # 14
Member
2947 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Agree with the PPs, that if he’s being this difficult contributing to the wedding, who knows what it’ll mean for your marriage. Definitely have a heart to heart with him ASAP.

Post # 16
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m glad you guys were able to sit down and figure it out.

I’m also mainly responsible for the finances. But approx. once a month we talk about where the money has to go and how much so that we are both on the same page as to where it is going. You don’t want to leave him in the dark.

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