Help! He hasn't told his parents about the engagement. Should I be worried?

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think it’s weird. But have you asked him this question directly? Maybe he has a good reason like he wants his parents to find out closer to when your parents will find out out of fairness and therefore plans to tell them in a week or two. Or any other number of reasons. But you need to ask him. 

Post # 3
Member
2042 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t understand this. The night we got engaged we visited both of our parents even though it was late (after 10pm) and called my grandparents who live out of town. Then everyone else followed in the next few days. What is the big deal? 

Post # 4
Member
7910 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Is he excessively detail oriented? Is there an unusual dynamic within his family? Does he feel pressured to “do it right” because you are planning a formal thing to tell your mother? 

If his sister already knows, it’s definitely possible that she will tell his parents before you guys do, and that will be awkward. You could ask him what he thinks about that scenario. Maybe he has a legitimate reason to postpone, but it does seem a bit shady. When we got engaged, we were both so excited to tell our family and friends. 

Post # 5
Member
357 posts
Helper bee

It’s strange to me. My Fiance went to my parents in the morning to ask for their blessing, and then stopped by his parents to tell them his plans on his way home to get me. (He told me he was going to the mall knowing that I hate the mall before Christmas!)

Post # 6
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I personally think it’s strange but I would just ask him his reason. Did his parents not notice you were wearing a ring?

Post # 7
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

How old are you both? Is he worried his parents may think you’re too young or it’s too soon? I think it’s weird to not tell them, especially since you’ve had plenty of opportunity to do so.

Post # 8
Member
24 posts
Newbee

This is strange. My fiance asked both his and my parents for their blessing before he even proposed They all called us right after the proposal to congratulate us. The only people that I had to tell were my aunts and best friends. 

I agree with everyone here; definitely ask him for his reason and go from there.

Post # 9
Member
660 posts
Busy bee

I agree with PP that it seems a little odd. My Fiancé spoke with my father the day before he did it, and told his own parents he was planning on doing it about a week before hand. Then we we told my parents right away (we went to their house LITERALLY 5 minutes after the proposal. We were staying with them, but still, home was the first place we rushed.) and I think he texted his parents that it happened and he would call and update them on what happened that evening. We went to see them in person a couple of weeks later to celebrate all together at their home. 

 

For reference, we live 2,000 miles from my parents, and several hundred miles (10 hour drive) from his parents. 

Post # 11
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

This sounds odd. Are you of different religions/cultures/ethnicities? Have you ever had any problems with his parents? If you aren’t even able to ask him why he’s not telling his parents (or anybody in the world?) yet and if he isn’t able to explain it, I wonder if he’s actually ready for marriage (or if your relationship is). I’ve had guys of different religions and cultures propose (in our 30s) and they told their parents and friends they would be proposing in advance bc they were excited and mentioned it  excitedly to anybody who’d listen after they asked and I said yes. 

Post # 12
Member
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I find it really odd since it sounds like he’s on good terms with them and everything…does he definitely understand why you’re waiting to tell your mom? Maybe he’s hesitant if he thinks it’s weird that you haven’t told her either…?

Post # 13
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

He wants to plan something special to announce it?? I’m a little confused as to why there’s all this secrecy and theatrics needed to announce a major life announcement…

Post # 14
Member
1945 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

newnath :  whose idea was the engagement and how did the proposal happen? You said it was very sweet but not much else. 

It sounds just odd to me that he tells you there’s no need to rush into telling his parents. It makes it sound as if he hasn’t grasped what an engagement is/means, or he only grasped it After the proposal, like he just thought the proposal was a thing for its own sake and not connecting it to officially announcing “we’re getting married!”. 

Post # 15
Member
3840 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Yeah that’s a bit weird… I didn’t tell my parents for about a week but that’s because they live in different countries and I have an anxiety thing about making phone calls! But if I had seen them in person I certainly wouldn’t have kept it a secret. I think he is probably a bit scared about such a big step and telling his parents would make it all seem real and set in stone so he’s putting it off (he might not even consciously realise this). It’s ok, getting engaged is scary-exciting for a lot of people, but he needs to just push through and announce it. This is your engagement too – he doesn’t get to decide all by himself when you can tell people! Tell him that you have waited long enough and that you will be telling your mum tomorrow (or on x date). You don’t need a fancy dinner or anything. Just tell them. 

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