Post # 1
I recently got engaged a week and a half ago. We have been together a year and a half. The proposal was really sweet and we have a wonderful relationship. I have never felt this way about anyone; we have many common interests and values, respect and love each other, we see the world similarly and have both expressed that we want to live a life together. When he asked I felt it was right.. but something is worrying me a little. I have only told my best friends about the engagement, we are waiting to tell my mom in person (I’m very anxious to tell her, but she is very traditional and I want to respect that) and she lives out of town so we are planning to go together in a week or two.
But his parents live in town and we have been together several times this week and he hasn’t told them yet. I have talked to him about it, told him I feel excited to tell people, and would like to make this formal. He say he want to tell them, but that he would like to plan a dinner out. Today was the perfect occasion to do so, I casually mentioned that it would be a good time to go out with them and tell them, he said it was true. But then he just made plans for tonight with me and some friends.. I don’t know what to make of it. Is he avoiding this? Or just waiting for the “perfect moment”? As far as I know he has only told his best friend (we saw him the day after the proposal). Another thing that’s bothering me is that his sister knows, but only because we went to visit her a few days after the proposal and she saw the ring on my finger, he didn’t say anything either then. I know it’s just been a week but I don’t feel comfortable keeping this a secret, especially since I already have the ring and I don’t see any reason not to. His parents would be happy for us, my mom is more difficult and I’m so excited to tell her anyway.
What do you think? Am I just being a nervous wreck? Or is this something I should be concerned about?
Post # 2
I think it’s weird. But have you asked him this question directly? Maybe he has a good reason like he wants his parents to find out closer to when your parents will find out out of fairness and therefore plans to tell them in a week or two. Or any other number of reasons. But you need to ask him.
Post # 3
I don’t understand this. The night we got engaged we visited both of our parents even though it was late (after 10pm) and called my grandparents who live out of town. Then everyone else followed in the next few days. What is the big deal?
Post # 4
Is he excessively detail oriented? Is there an unusual dynamic within his family? Does he feel pressured to “do it right” because you are planning a formal thing to tell your mother?
If his sister already knows, it’s definitely possible that she will tell his parents before you guys do, and that will be awkward. You could ask him what he thinks about that scenario. Maybe he has a legitimate reason to postpone, but it does seem a bit shady. When we got engaged, we were both so excited to tell our family and friends.
Post # 5
It’s strange to me. My Fiance went to my parents in the morning to ask for their blessing, and then stopped by his parents to tell them his plans on his way home to get me. (He told me he was going to the mall knowing that I hate the mall before Christmas!)
Post # 6
I personally think it’s strange but I would just ask him his reason. Did his parents not notice you were wearing a ring?
Post # 7
How old are you both? Is he worried his parents may think you’re too young or it’s too soon? I think it’s weird to not tell them, especially since you’ve had plenty of opportunity to do so.
Post # 8
This is strange. My fiance asked both his and my parents for their blessing before he even proposed They all called us right after the proposal to congratulate us. The only people that I had to tell were my aunts and best friends.
I agree with everyone here; definitely ask him for his reason and go from there.
Post # 9
I agree with PP that it seems a little odd. My Fiancé spoke with my father the day before he did it, and told his own parents he was planning on doing it about a week before hand. Then we we told my parents right away (we went to their house LITERALLY 5 minutes after the proposal. We were staying with them, but still, home was the first place we rushed.) and I think he texted his parents that it happened and he would call and update them on what happened that evening. We went to see them in person a couple of weeks later to celebrate all together at their home.
For reference, we live 2,000 miles from my parents, and several hundred miles (10 hour drive) from his parents.
Post # 10
DrCrazyCat : We are both 24. I think it’s weird too. His sister even asked him today when was he planning on telling them, he didn’t seem to know how to respond.
chocochai : I have talked to him about this, he told me he would like to plan something special to tell his parents, the same way we are planning to tell my mom. That is the reason he has given me, and today we talked about it again and he also mentioned that we don’t have to rush into telling them. I don’t want to pressure him, but it feels strange to me.
craigslistgirl : That’s the thing, I haven’t seen him in that super excited mood to tell people. It makes me feel insecure since I have been barely keeping this a secret from my mom, I just want to call her and tell her! He is usually a very spontaneous person, not very detail oriented.
Post # 11
This sounds odd. Are you of different religions/cultures/ethnicities? Have you ever had any problems with his parents? If you aren’t even able to ask him why he’s not telling his parents (or anybody in the world?) yet and if he isn’t able to explain it, I wonder if he’s actually ready for marriage (or if your relationship is). I’ve had guys of different religions and cultures propose (in our 30s) and they told their parents and friends they would be proposing in advance bc they were excited and mentioned it excitedly to anybody who’d listen after they asked and I said yes.
Post # 12
I find it really odd since it sounds like he’s on good terms with them and everything…does he definitely understand why you’re waiting to tell your mom? Maybe he’s hesitant if he thinks it’s weird that you haven’t told her either…?
Post # 13
He wants to plan something special to announce it?? I’m a little confused as to why there’s all this secrecy and theatrics needed to announce a major life announcement…
Post # 14
newnath : whose idea was the engagement and how did the proposal happen? You said it was very sweet but not much else.
It sounds just odd to me that he tells you there’s no need to rush into telling his parents. It makes it sound as if he hasn’t grasped what an engagement is/means, or he only grasped it After the proposal, like he just thought the proposal was a thing for its own sake and not connecting it to officially announcing “we’re getting married!”.
Post # 15
Yeah that’s a bit weird… I didn’t tell my parents for about a week but that’s because they live in different countries and I have an anxiety thing about making phone calls! But if I had seen them in person I certainly wouldn’t have kept it a secret. I think he is probably a bit scared about such a big step and telling his parents would make it all seem real and set in stone so he’s putting it off (he might not even consciously realise this). It’s ok, getting engaged is scary-exciting for a lot of people, but he needs to just push through and announce it. This is your engagement too – he doesn’t get to decide all by himself when you can tell people! Tell him that you have waited long enough and that you will be telling your mum tomorrow (or on x date). You don’t need a fancy dinner or anything. Just tell them.