He hates ball gowns

posted 3 years ago in Dress
Post # 16
Member
21 posts
Newbee

Second the point about picking something that you love/ feel confident in – confidence makes a huge difference in how much you’d enjoy the big day. There’s so much going on that day that the least you can do for yourself is to know that you are stepping out there facing your loved ones in your most comfortable, confident self. Really helps settle the jitters/whatever may hit you. 

Just make sure that whatever you choose, you’re not just looking good in it but can comfortably move around in it (because ball gowns have such a wide diameter at the bottom that you have to consider  things like ease of moving down the aisle with it, ease of moving about in general, etc). I passed on ball gowns on that basis but that might not be an issue in your case. Good luck with whatever you choose!!

Post # 17
Member
831 posts
Busy bee

I really feel for you the situation sucks. I’d probably make him come see me in the dress and get his opinion from there. I took my fiance dress shopping with me because other than my own his opinion was most important to me and I probably wouldn’t have bought a dress he hated. It didn’t take away from seeing me the day of  at all IMO. Hating a whole style of dresses though it odd and I don’t think he gets veto power over an entire style

Post # 18
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

I think you should get the dress that YOU love and that YOU feel comfortable in. You’re wearing it, it’s your choice.

My husband got zero input on what I wore for the wedding, just as he gets zero input on what I wear every other day. He chose his outfit, I chose mine.

You’re going to look beautiful in your dress, that’s all he’s going to see – the woman he loves looking stunning, and if it’s the dress that makes you happy, that will show in your confidence and demeanour.

Post # 19
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

Was he the one who wanted you to have a bridal party? I’m just gonna say it, I don’t like your fiancé. Lol In this context, of which I’m aware is the only way I “know” him.

My husband always said that the dress was my choice and he just wanted me to like it and be happy with it. I wanted his true opinion, so that was annoying, but if your husband knows how much you love it, he absolutely needs to support that and be happy for you.

There are guys on “Say Yes to the Dress” who want fittedfittedfitted, and then eat their words when their fianceé then looks “too sexy” and call it inappropriate. Fuck that. You know this dress is the one! If he insists on hating it and doesn’t see that you’re beautiful in it, that’s quite eye-opening as to who he is.

Post # 20
Member
1349 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
sapphire27 :  Yeah I noticed that too.

If your fiance doesn’t like ballgowns, he doesn’t have to wear one. I know that marriage is about compromise, but dictating the style of your wedding dress seems pretty controlling.

Post # 21
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

So, he hates ball gowns. That’s ok. Lucky groom, he doesn’t have to wear one!

 

Post # 22
Member
285 posts
Helper bee

My fiancé (now husband) always said how much he hated mermaid dresses and how they looked strange. When I tried on dresses I fell in love with a modified mermaid and bought it knowing DH didn’t like the cut. But I felt beautiful and confident. When DH saw me for the first time he cried and to this day still tells me how beautiful I was and how I took his breath away. After our wedding I asked if he was surprised I got a mermaid and you know his response? “I didn’t even realize that it was a mermaid, and I loved it” he apologized for saying he hates mermaid dresses, and realized he didn’t care for them for some body types.

 

go with what you love, your fiancé loves you and your dress shouldn’t matter that much to him!

Post # 23
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

View original reply
prettyshinythings :  This is a great point.

Your husband may be envisioning “ball gowns” like crazy princess cake topper dresses, like “The King & I” dresses. Lol not all ball gowns have giant hoops and poof petticoats.

Post # 24
Member
3228 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

When my husband thinks of a ball gown he thinks of hoop skirts… your fiancé likely has no idea how many styles of ballgown there are.

Post # 25
Member
606 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
sapphire27 :  agreed

 

View original reply
happycomelately :  looking back on your post history, it seems like this relationship is relatively new… And your wedding is still a year away. The fact that you’re already feeling this way because of a difference in opinion between the two of you(and lack of communication?) over what you’ll wear on your wedding day doesn’t seem right.

Post # 26
Member
10315 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Good thing he’s not wearing a ball gown then isn’t it?

Post # 27
Member
10506 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
happycomelately :  

See,  this “he doesn’t think they look right for a wedding”  alone shows how little he knows . As pps have said, stop  deferring to his  ideas on wedding dresses and buy what you want . 

 A deferential posture and continual giving in to what  you don’t want is is no way to start  a marriage 

ETA I see with some horror your history of abusive /controlling/patriarchal  communities and men. And that 7 months ago you were single and looking ……this , plus this mans interference in the wedding dress of your choice ,  bodes very badly all round……do be  very careful OP.

I worry too that your posts  veer from adamantly wanting  no children  to wanting children and wanting particular body types in  men plus being a loner with a long history   of bad male contacts online.  None of it a problem in itself but it kind of adds up  to making  you seem a bit vulnerable .So I say again,  do be careful OP 

Post # 28
Member
7897 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I think a lot of women might choose a ball gown like this:

But when a woman says “ball gown” to a man, he pictures this:

There is nothing wrong with either dress, but they are drastically different styles. Most men picture a disney-type gown with hoops so big that he must stand four feet away from the bride, when many ball gowns (especially one with pockets!) aren’t like that at all.

I have a feeling that if you just drop the subject and wear the dress of your dreams, he won’t think it is a ball gown at all. I would bet that your dress and the picture in his head are very, very different from one another.

Oh, and I agree with PPs that you should NEVER talk about the dress with your Fiance. If it is bad luck to see the dress before the wedding for him, then hearing about it is off the table, too.

Post # 29
Member
3804 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Maybe by ‘ballgown’ he means a huge puffy thing with miles and miles of satin and hoops like Cinderella at the ball. He might not even consider something more toned down as a ballgown. Or maybe he has some completely different idea in his head. If you think your dress is flattering and beautiful I am sure he will too. 

Post # 30
Member
346 posts
Helper bee

Oh sweetheart, buy your dream dress. 

Most men have no idea what looks good. He’s probably picturing some crazy poofy prom dress. I bet you’ll blow him away as you walk down the aisle. 

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