Post # 1
I found out that my boyfriend’s ex called him in January and again in May. Both times were late at night and both times he picked up. The first time he talked to her for an hour and the second time for 2 hours. He also sent her something through the chat feature on snapchat in April. I only found this out because I had a gut feeling that he was hiding something from me so I went through his phone. Previously she called him when I was sitting beside him and he ignored the call saying he had no interest in talking to her.
When I confronted him I initially ony knew about him chatting her on snap chat and the most recent call. He said they were just catching up on the phone call and that he didn’t remember what he sent her on snapchat. I asked him if he had talked to her any other time since we started dating and he swore that he hadn’t.
But I kept having doubts that he was telling the truth and asked to see his phone records and then he admitted that he’d lied and talked to her in January too. These communications with his ex all went on while I was pregnant with our child, the last time they talked was just 9 days before I gave birth. I feel betrayed and still doubt that he’s telling me the truth now. Who talks to their ex for 2 hrs on the phone to “catch-up”?!
Part of me wants to break up with him because I feel like I can’t trust him now, but I’m torn since we have a child together.
Post # 2
I am old-fashioned about having kids. Having a baby now, means it isn’t all about you and him anymore. So you have to try longer than you would, if there were no baby.
See what happens over the next year. If he starts seeing his ex again, call it quits then. Even if he says she is just a friend, don’t believe it.
Post # 3
Everything about this just screams “run!” to me.
Post # 4
Also–in response to PP about it being about the baby now…I agree. All the more reason to run. My dad is a serial cheater…he cheated on my mom while she was pregnant with me, and actually left her alone in the hospital to be with the woman he was cheating with (she found this out later). She was stubborn, insisted on counseling, tried to make it work…ultimately they got divorced 6 years after I was born because he just kept cheating, and cheating, and cheating. Now he’s my step mom’s problem…and he’s cheated on her many times as well. Knowing this about my dad still makes me so sad for my mom and I wish she would’ve just up and left him the moment she found out.
Post # 5
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
Do you know anything about his ex and their relationship? It could all be really innocent. I am friends with one of my exes. We chat every few months or so and catch up, but our relationship was short and we were friends before we dated. The break up was mutual and we are both adults who care for one another, but have no romantic feelings. DH doesn’t mind. I also don’t hide it from him though.
I would have trust issues with him and that is a big thing to try and gain back. How is your relationship other than this?
Post # 6
You do not have to stay with a man just because you had a baby with him. It will be much better for the child to see thier parents in happy, healthy relationships – even if those relationships are with other people. And while, of course, your child is your first priority you deserve happiness and love.
Why stay with a man who couldn’t even be faithful while you were carrying his child? Can you even trust that he’s telling the whole truth now?
Post # 7
You found out she called him twice over a long stretch of time, both times late at night. If I’m reading this right, it sounds to me like she was drunk dialing him, which I wouldn’t worry about.
I would however, ask him to delete her number, her snapchat, and the next time she makes contact, he needs to tell her that he’s moved on, is a father now, and they can’t speak anymore. His response to your request will tell you whether you have cause for concern.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
I think it’s super hard – if not impossible – to come back from something like this. The fact you went through his phone means you already don’t truly trust him. The fact that he lied to you about his contact with the ex is yet another blow. I’m friends with exes of mine. When I talk to them Fiance knows and vice versa.
Even though you have a child together, it doesn’t mean you have to be his romantic partner. Children are damaged by being raised by parents who are unhappy together more than by parents who are happy apart.
Unless you believe he’s been completely honest with you and will continue to be in the future, I’d say this relationahip should probably come to an end.
Post # 9
They dated on and off for 3 years. She cheated in him several times and then left him to take a job in a neighboring state. They were living together when she left.
Our relationship is rather rocky. I felt like he wasn’t very supportive while I was pregnant and I was very emotional at the time so we fought a lot and I’ll admit that I said some mean things that I regret very much and have apologized to him about.
Post # 10
I don’t think talking to an ex on the phone is a big deal at all.
Him lying about it is. You going through him phone (if it was without permission) is also not great. Sounds like you guys need to talk about boundaries, both in regards to exes and each other.
Post # 11
The lying is a red flag. If DH got a call like that he would tell me about it. If I told him I felt uncomfortable about it he wouldn’t hesitate to block her.
Post # 12
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
If your relationship is rocky and he is lying to you… It is not a healthy relationship.
Some people will tell you to stay for the child, but depedning on the individual situation, that’s worse for the child to stay. If your relationship is unhealthy, your child should not be subjected to that.
I think you and SO need to sit down and have a serious conversation. Tell him he’s lost your trust and your relationship feels like it is declining. It is your choice to stay or leave. if you do leave, have a clear agreement on boundaries and remaining civil for the sake of your child. Create a written agreement in regards to your child’s care.
Post # 13
My ex cheated when I was pregnant. Not saying your BF necessarily cheated, but from your post it sounds a lot like my situation before I found out he had actually cheated.
That said, please don’t feel like you have to stay because you have a child together. I left my ex when my son was very young and I am now extremely happy, and engaged to the best man ever. He is supportive, loves my son like his own, and is EXTREMELY kind and loving to me. I NEVER have to question if something fishy is going on with him because well, I just know there isnt! It is the best feeling in the world. You DESERVE that. As a person, and as a mom!
Post # 14
Thanks for all the advice and support bees! think I knew deep down that I needed to end things before posting this thread. Now I just need to get up the courage to do it.
Post # 15
THIS and hikingbride :
Staying together for the sake of a child is rarely in the child’s best interests. A home filled with tension, arguments and mistrust is dysfuntional and a stressful, confusing, even frightening environment for a child. This doesn’t mean it’s an easy decision, but sometimes it’s best to be apart and try to co-parent as maturely as possible.
This thread reminds me of ‘The Jen Thread’ (can’t remember the actual title) where the OP was progressively consumed by her husband’s inappropriate behaviour with a co-worker, barely having time for her small daughter while she obsessively analyzed his social media, his texts etc. That’s no way to live, but I could see it becoming OP’s future if she stays with a partner who lies and can’t be trusted.
OP, I think you’re making the right call when you say you know deep down what to do, it’s just hard getting there. Good luck to you and your little one.