(Closed) He hid the truth from me

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I leave him?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 2
    Member
    2373 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: NJ

    I am old-fashioned about having kids. Having a baby now, means it isn’t all about you and him anymore. So you have to try longer than you would, if there were no baby. 

    See what happens over the next year. If he starts seeing his ex again, call it quits then. Even if he says she is just a friend, don’t believe it.

    Post # 3
    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    Everything about this just screams “run!” to me.

    Post # 4
    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    Also–in response to PP about it being about the baby now…I agree. All the more reason to run. My dad is a serial cheater…he cheated on my mom while she was pregnant with me, and actually left her alone in the hospital to be with the woman he was cheating with (she found this out later). She was stubborn, insisted on counseling, tried to make it work…ultimately they got divorced 6 years after I was born because he just kept cheating, and cheating, and cheating. Now he’s my step mom’s problem…and he’s cheated on her many times as well. Knowing this about my dad still makes me so sad for my mom and I wish she would’ve just up and left him the moment she found out.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2591 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

    View original reply
    anonbee518 :  Do you know anything about his ex and their relationship? It could all be really innocent. I am friends with one of my exes. We chat every few months or so and catch up, but our relationship was short and we were friends before we dated. The break up was mutual and we are both adults who care for one another, but have no romantic feelings. DH doesn’t mind. I also don’t hide it from him though.

    I would have trust issues with him and that is a big thing to try and gain back. How is your relationship other than this?

    Post # 6
    Member
    10517 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    You do not have to stay with a man just because you had a baby with him. It will be much better for the child to see thier parents in happy, healthy relationships – even if those relationships are with other people. And while, of course, your child is your first priority you deserve happiness and love. 

    Why stay with a man who couldn’t even be faithful while you were carrying his child? Can you even trust that he’s telling the whole truth now?

    Post # 7
    Member
    588 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2019

    You found out she called him twice over a long stretch of time, both times late at night. If I’m reading this right, it sounds to me like she was drunk dialing him, which I wouldn’t worry about.

    I would however, ask him to delete her number, her snapchat, and the next time she makes contact, he needs to tell her that he’s moved on, is a father now, and they can’t speak anymore. His response to your request will tell you whether you have cause for concern. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    2267 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

    View original reply
    anonbee518 :  I think it’s super hard – if not impossible – to come back from something like this. The fact you went through his phone means you already don’t truly trust him. The fact that he lied to you about his contact with the ex is yet another blow. I’m friends with exes of mine. When I talk to them Fiance knows and vice versa.

    Even though you have a child together, it doesn’t mean you have to be his romantic partner. Children are damaged by being raised by parents who are unhappy together more than by parents who are happy apart. 

    Unless you believe he’s been completely honest with you and will continue to be in the future, I’d say this relationahip should probably come to an end. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1242 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t think talking to an ex on the phone is a big deal at all.

    Him lying about it is. You going through him phone (if it was without permission) is also not great. Sounds like you guys need to talk about boundaries, both in regards to exes and each other.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3235 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    The lying is a red flag. If DH got a call like that he would tell me about it. If I told him I felt uncomfortable about it he wouldn’t hesitate to block her.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2591 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

    View original reply
    anonbee518 :  If your relationship is rocky and he is lying to you… It is not a healthy relationship.

    Some people will tell you to stay for the child, but depedning on the individual situation, that’s worse for the child to stay. If your relationship is unhealthy, your child should not be subjected to that.

    I think you and SO need to sit down and have a serious conversation. Tell him he’s lost your trust and your relationship feels like it is declining. It is your choice to stay or leave. if you do leave, have a clear agreement on boundaries and remaining civil for the sake of your child. Create a written agreement in regards to your child’s care.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2476 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    My ex cheated when I was pregnant. Not saying your BF necessarily cheated, but from your post it sounds a lot like my situation before I found out he had actually cheated. 

    That said, please don’t feel like you have to stay because you have a child together. I left my ex when my son was very young and I am now extremely happy, and engaged to the best man ever. He is supportive, loves my son like his own, and is EXTREMELY kind and loving to me. I NEVER have to question if something fishy is going on with him because well, I just know there isnt! It is the best feeling in the world. You DESERVE that. As a person, and as a mom!

    Post # 15
    Member
    5778 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    lula0508 :  THIS and
    View original reply
    hikingbride :  THIS

    Staying together for the sake of a child is rarely in the child’s best interests. A home filled with tension, arguments and mistrust is dysfuntional and a stressful, confusing, even frightening environment for a child. This doesn’t mean it’s an easy decision, but sometimes it’s best to be apart and try to co-parent as maturely as possible.

    This thread reminds me of ‘The Jen Thread’ (can’t remember the actual title) where the OP was progressively consumed by her husband’s inappropriate behaviour with a co-worker, barely having time for her small daughter while she obsessively analyzed his social media, his texts etc. That’s no way to live, but I could see it becoming OP’s future if she stays with a partner who lies and can’t be trusted.

    OP, I think you’re making the right call when you say you know deep down what to do, it’s just hard getting there. Good luck to you and your little one.

    The topic ‘He hid the truth from me’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors